Madruski

I never would of thought how engraved an alcohol problem could become, and I fear this is only the start. I have been a daily drinker (bottle of wine) for about 2 years now. And I have decided to cut down by taking breaks in between drinking.

The problem is when I take these breaks I tend to binge and drink as much as possible. Last Friday I polished off a bottle of wine late in the night, and then, of course I decided to go to the night club district In my city. Needless to say that morning I woke up with a very sore head and $500 less in my wallet. But I was satisfied, I settled my binge craving, because I drank everything.

Of course I tell myself “no more, that’s it!” Come 4 nights later I binge again. This time not a lot just 2 bottles of wine, and I was more than happy to start a 3rd but could not because I didn’t have access to it anymore.

Now some may say 1 bottle is not much at all, but over the next 10 years, that is a lot of drinking, lately 1 bottle is not doing it for me anymore, I have 2.

So on average i have 10 bottles a week, plus my weekly binge.

I live with two alcoholics, ( my parents) . We are good people, very functional, but we are an alcoholic family, my dad drinks 1 bottle a night and my mum drinks 2 nearly every night (and this is them finally controlling themselves)

So trying to stop is extremely difficult because I am constantly surrounded by alcohol and I know where to get it if I run short myself. Ironically, I drink less living with them because, they are my parents and I get my ass kicked even if I am 25, plus its embarrassing to drink a big amount In front of them. When I live by myself its horribly different story, I am like a kid in a toy store.

I do genuinely want to stop drinking, or at least be a normal drinker ( I know this is highly unlikely) but its these binge cravings that I find hard to shake, I start to become hypnotized thinking that I NEED alcohol, and I need to settle that craving.

I am mainly worried for my future, like what kind of dad will i be? I am 25 at the moment, and soon will be living by myself again once my circumstances let me. And I am also worry how will I cope with this when I am married, and have kids? And that’s another question, who wants to marry an alcoholic?! You cant really hide it, so you have to be honest.

My willpower is the problem here, I give in too easy, I always have a choice before I cross that line, but I always cross that line, I am lacking enthusiasm to not cross that line, the bottle is giving me a very sweet and delicious reward and the first thought is “ eh, why not”

I needed to vent a bit, thanks for reading everyone and I am open to your stories and advice. Thanks again

Gottalife

You always have choice eh? Well, just choose to not drink.

Unfortunately I lost the power of choice. Willpower was no use. I was lucky at 22, almost dead, my parents took me in. I stopped drinking, they didn't, though they offered to if it would help. It wouldn't, it was my problem not theirs.

I never regained the power of choice, yet I haven't needed a drink in a very long time. But you see I had reached a point where I was willing to do anything to get away from the misery. What are you willing to do?

Dee74

My willpower wasn't much help cos a part of my will wanted to drink.

Acceptance worked much better - acceptance that I was an alcoholic, acceptance the problem will only get worse not better, and accepting that I could do all I wanted in life, and be all I wanted to be - or I could drink...but not both.

Posting here regularly could be a start madruski - why not post daily for a while?

D

Coldfusion

Hi Madruski!

Willpower was not enough for me to quit drinking. I had to surrender and get the help of others. With the amount you are drinking, a medical detox is probably a good idea. Have you looked into local recovery resources, such as detox services or meetings?

Madruski

Thats a very good statement, that is exactly what the feeling is, At times all I want to do is drink , because I have an alcohol problem. I want to drink again straight after my binge( but i don't)

The feeling of having a full box of beer (with a few beers hidden just i in case I run short) a good movie or music is amazing, that is my perfect Friday or Saturday. Who needs socializing when you have beer, right? - that is sad

1 bottle a night is my intake because that is where i force myself to stop, believe me, i can and want to go all night with many bottles, but i choose not too. And its this willpower that is becoming harder, Its becoming harder to stop at 1

So to look at a positive spin on things, I mentioned that i drank every night, now for the last month i have been able to take 3 to 4 nights break, I never could do this. So in a way I am slowly making progress In my journey. Now do not take this as a smoke screen that " i am doing good, so i can keep drinking" i am aware of my head space.

I have tried to go cold turkey many times, but it does not work at the moment, so for me this is some sort of progress.

its not cold turkey, but I just need some positive results.

Dee74

It is definitely progress but it's easy to find yourself standing still or even worse going backwards.

For me the only real progress started when I quit entirely.

I really encourage you to run a very strict, and safe yet speedy, timetable towards that goal MR

D