Ceedaily

I started drinking again last Sunday a month after a slip that I thought was proof that I can't drink moderately and hate the way booze makes me feel physically and emotionally. I was putting off changing my other bad behaviors, though I was finally starting to exercise and eat healthily, but made little progress with coping with anxiety and frustration. I have two stressful events coming up and I drank to kill that anxiety, but of course I am 10x as anxious now and also feeling guilty. I had a drink early this morning, so now I'm feeling like getting a small bottle later today just to get to sleep. This would just be putting off the inevitable hangover and insomnia. I feel addicted to avoidance. I was so close to 1 year, I am clinging to that date, I have to reset it. Just needed to admit it "publicly" on the forum.

Anna

I'm sorry you relapsed. It's great that you were so close to one year and making positive changes in your life. Anxiety and frustration are hard to deal with but I know that you can find healthy ways to manage those. You said you are exercising which is great. Have you tried meditation, Mindfulness, simply listening to music to calm your mind?

MaidenNZ

Failure only comes when we stop trying to succeed. Glad you're back and trying.

Ceedaily

I have been researching meditation and mindfulness, but procrastinating on actually practicing either one. I have days where music really helps soothe anxiety, but some days I just can't stand any kind of noise. It feels great to be back on the forum and I wish I hadn't stayed away so long. Thanks for the support.

least

Our beloved CarolD used to say: you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. I hope you get to that point soon.

uncorked

Cee, don't be too hard on yourself. You made it to almost a year, so you know you can do this!!! Just get right back on it. I understand why people want to try moderation after a time, I really do. When I was in rehab we did a guided meditation 2x week. One of the counselors had this incredible voice that was so soothing -- the other counselors called him The Human Valium. :-) Anyway, I found guided meditations on youtube after I got home and they're very helpful. Especially when I'm having trouble sleeping.

Ceedaily

Just making my initial post today, is getting me to want sobriety more than alcohol. I don't want to feel this high anxiety anymore. I don't want to face another night of drinking related insomnia. I don't want to have a high heart rate and a sick stomach. The temptation to buy and drink more today, just because I was already drinking this morning and have to reset my date to tomorrow is starting to diminish. I forgot how much I relied on YouTube guided meditations last year, thanks for the "reminder" uncorked!