life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
15 days sober. I had 2 good nights of sleep on day 9 and 10. Tonight I slept from 10 PM to 12 am. Now I just lay here thinking about everything.
How did my life turn out like this? A woman with a good job, an alcoholic, all alone and what seems 2 be to lives.
Life 1 is the confident person who excels at my job and is really good at what I do. Friendly with everyone in the office and talk to them about my grandchild and how awesome he is as well as my furbabies. They see a happy person who is doing well.
Life 2 is at home with the dogs doing nothing except drinking until drunk every night. Until I decided to quit drinking. Then I sit at home scrolling through Facebook enjoying everyone else's lives while I'm lonely. Occasionally I drive over on a Saturday to see family. I've begun going to church. I'm sad, depressed, lonely and far from happy most of the time.
My 2 lives are very different. My quest will be to find balance, get involved in life outside of work, and learn to be happy. How will this happen? I don't know.
I do know life for me is so different than I ever imagined it would be. Who thinks they will be an alcoholic when they grow up though?
Sorry for the rambles. One day at a time. I can't wait to be able to sleep again. My brain works too much during the night. Day 16 coming up.
How did my life turn out like this? A woman with a good job, an alcoholic, all alone and what seems 2 be to lives.
Life 1 is the confident person who excels at my job and is really good at what I do. Friendly with everyone in the office and talk to them about my grandchild and how awesome he is as well as my furbabies. They see a happy person who is doing well.
Life 2 is at home with the dogs doing nothing except drinking until drunk every night. Until I decided to quit drinking. Then I sit at home scrolling through Facebook enjoying everyone else's lives while I'm lonely. Occasionally I drive over on a Saturday to see family. I've begun going to church. I'm sad, depressed, lonely and far from happy most of the time.
My 2 lives are very different. My quest will be to find balance, get involved in life outside of work, and learn to be happy. How will this happen? I don't know.
I do know life for me is so different than I ever imagined it would be. Who thinks they will be an alcoholic when they grow up though?
Sorry for the rambles. One day at a time. I can't wait to be able to sleep again. My brain works too much during the night. Day 16 coming up.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Facebook , thats the site where we compare our insides with everyone else's outsides ? i gave it up years ago ..
Keep strong and keep on ,
I knew what my life would be like if i kept on drinking ,
By keeping sober we just don't know what the future will hold , it's a new undiscovered land
stay strong persevere, you'll be fine
m
Keep strong and keep on ,
I knew what my life would be like if i kept on drinking ,
By keeping sober we just don't know what the future will hold , it's a new undiscovered land
stay strong persevere, you'll be fine
m
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I'm awake too.
Congratulations on your sober time. The beginning is hard... taking stock of all the problems alcohol has caused is rough. It gets easier though. Taking stock and feeling uncomfortable is the first step to making changes.
The you at work isn't fake... that's part of who you are. It's really great that you've kept your career whole, that will be a big help to you as you move forward.
Hope you get some sleep. (and me too, so I should shut the computer!)
Congratulations on your sober time. The beginning is hard... taking stock of all the problems alcohol has caused is rough. It gets easier though. Taking stock and feeling uncomfortable is the first step to making changes.
The you at work isn't fake... that's part of who you are. It's really great that you've kept your career whole, that will be a big help to you as you move forward.
Hope you get some sleep. (and me too, so I should shut the computer!)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Congratulations on your sobriety!!
Like you I am highly successful, caring, honest, loving and happy when I am sober, these are just a few of the qualities that are far more important to me than the drunk Andrew, I focus on that in my sober journey and give thanks for each day.
Wishing you the very best
Andrew
Like you I am highly successful, caring, honest, loving and happy when I am sober, these are just a few of the qualities that are far more important to me than the drunk Andrew, I focus on that in my sober journey and give thanks for each day.
Wishing you the very best
Andrew
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Congrats on 15 days sober. Nothing to sneeze at.
How will this happen? By getting actively engaged in your life. Sitting home in front of Facebook, envious of other people and feeling sorry for your life is a choice. A poor one, but a choice.
So is getting up and getting involved with life. Volunteering, looking for activities in the community that interest you, a class. Asking a couple folks at work if they want to go to a movie one evening.
At two weeks sober, you probably see everything as one big hurdle to get over in order to start living and enjoying life. It isn't. And life doesn't come to the door like a package from Amazon.
It comes to the person who goes out and seeks it.
Originally Posted by Sinderos 
My quest will be to find balance, get involved in life outside of work, and learn to be happy. How will this happen? I don't know.
So is getting up and getting involved with life. Volunteering, looking for activities in the community that interest you, a class. Asking a couple folks at work if they want to go to a movie one evening.
At two weeks sober, you probably see everything as one big hurdle to get over in order to start living and enjoying life. It isn't. And life doesn't come to the door like a package from Amazon.
It comes to the person who goes out and seeks it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
Hey, at only 2 weeks, just be proud to at each day the drunk you is further in the rear view mirror. Yes, you need a plan, and a plan to execute, to replace your drunk time with something more fulfilling, or even just different. But give yourself a break - it is only 2 weeks.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Temple
Posts: 50
Sinderos, that's it exactly, the 2 lives. Successful job, busy mom who others think do a great job (just because I am engaged does not mean I'm doing a great job, I'm ensuring they survive, that's all I can do). And then there is the me after the kids are getting ready for bed , and the lazyiness of laying on the couch but enjoying my brain turning off and that peace or whatever it is filling me up and letting me just relax and not care (though that feeling turned into apathy, rather than relaxing at some point over the last year or two). What's funny is when I say I am an alcoholic, my husband or a close friend argue with me that I don't drink more than most...and I know that I do, because most don't drink every single day for over a year and can count maybe 10 sober days in 3 years (and 8 of those were last year when I joined this group, I made it to day 8). My sister, who has always been my mirror and honest, sometimes brutally, know I am and she is my support right now. I wish she lived closer. She is an hour and 1/2 away.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Daylightsavings
Sinderos, that's it exactly, the 2 lives. Successful job, busy mom who others think do a great job (just because I am engaged does not mean I'm doing a great job, I'm ensuring they survive, that's all I can do). And then there is the me after the kids are getting ready for bed , and the lazyiness of laying on the couch but enjoying my brain turning off and that peace or whatever it is filling me up and letting me just relax and not care (though that feeling turned into apathy, rather than relaxing at some point over the last year or two). What's funny is when I say I am an alcoholic, my husband or a close friend argue with me that I don't drink more than most...and I know that I do, because most don't drink every single day for over a year and can count maybe 10 sober days in 3 years (and 8 of those were last year when I joined this group, I made it to day 8). My sister, who has always been my mirror and honest, sometimes brutally, know I am and she is my support right now. I wish she lived closer. She is an hour and 1/2 away.
Every evening, starting that lovely wine infusion until I am able to surrender to sleep. Isolating myself. Waking up with a headache, hating myself, swearing tonight will be different. A lonely life with a lot of self-loathing.
J
Last drink: April 18, 2016
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Congrats on 15 days sober. Nothing to sneeze at.
How will this happen? By getting actively engaged in your life. Sitting home in front of Facebook, envious of other people and feeling sorry for your life is a choice. A poor one, but a choice.
So is getting up and getting involved with life. Volunteering, looking for activities in the community that interest you, a class. Asking a couple folks at work if they want to go to a movie one evening.
At two weeks sober, you probably see everything as one big hurdle to get over in order to start living and enjoying life. It isn't. And life doesn't come to the door like a package from Amazon.
It comes to the person who goes out and seeks it.
How will this happen? By getting actively engaged in your life. Sitting home in front of Facebook, envious of other people and feeling sorry for your life is a choice. A poor one, but a choice.
So is getting up and getting involved with life. Volunteering, looking for activities in the community that interest you, a class. Asking a couple folks at work if they want to go to a movie one evening.
At two weeks sober, you probably see everything as one big hurdle to get over in order to start living and enjoying life. It isn't. And life doesn't come to the door like a package from Amazon.
It comes to the person who goes out and seeks it.
Thank you again!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Sinderos, congratulations on your 15 days sober! That's awesome!
Volunteer work, which I began in week 1 of recovery, saved me. It gave me a purpose, it got me outside of myself and focusing on help other people, and I met some amazing people and made a couple of lifelong friends.
Volunteer work, which I began in week 1 of recovery, saved me. It gave me a purpose, it got me outside of myself and focusing on help other people, and I met some amazing people and made a couple of lifelong friends.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I feel soo much better having quit Facebook. Really. What a relief.
Try an online game like "Words with Friends" - something a little more active - while you're couch surfing.
Try an online game like "Words with Friends" - something a little more active - while you're couch surfing.
Last edited by madgirl; 05-03-2016 at 07:51 AM. Reason: misspelling
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Sinderos, great OP. You're 50% further along than many. Some of us (like me) don't even have a job to go to. Therefore, if you can tidy the 2nd part of your life, it will be complete. It is possible and this website is proof of that. I wish you the very best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi sinderos
The only good thing about looking back is it shows us what not to do next.
I've done more in the last ten years than I did in the 20 before that.
Don't look back so much you miss out on experiencing today and the very important process of building a life that you love
D
The only good thing about looking back is it shows us what not to do next.
I've done more in the last ten years than I did in the 20 before that.
Don't look back so much you miss out on experiencing today and the very important process of building a life that you love
D
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