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Frustrations with rehab

Old 05-02-2016, 08:39 PM
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Frustrations with rehab

I am done drinking. I have known for a while I needed to stop (solitary drinking into the night), finally picked up the phone, found a place, told them everything, told my husband everything (he had no clue - my AV is very devious). I am done. That was 2 weeks ago. I didn't need to detox though I did have cravings.

I have been in what they call "partial" (outpatient, 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, regular urine tests, etc.). Some of it has been great. They have some therapists who are very practical, good listeners, and good at providing tools to help recovery.

I understand that addiction counselors are used to people lying to them and to themselves. But, aargh. I am not a child. My "main" therapist treats me like I am 12. I have worked with the psychiatrist on what meds are and are not okay for me. The therapist questions me every time about those meds in my drug tests. He asks me the same questions every time, not remembering that I already answered them. On top of that, they made us all watch a hideous cult movie called "The Secret" which I found offensive in the extreme (and potentially damaging to addicts).

They claim at intake that they are open to and flexible in recovery approaches but some of them are so AA-fixated and I swear penalize you if you disagree with anything. One person - super smart, self aware - is not going to AA meetings because she finds 25 hours a week of this enough. She is being kept in full time while others graduate. Like a petulant child.

I will be back tomorrow, but I'm beginning to question whether this was the right route for me. Enough is pissing me off that it is causing me to resist the good parts.

Do I suck it up, or do I pull aside the director and complain, or do I move on? And by move on, I mean, find other methods of sober support. I'm done drinking.
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Old 05-02-2016, 09:39 PM
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Your experience sounds very familiar. I hate to use the cliché but take what you need and leave the rest. If you've are learning anything it's better the learning nothing. As far as the step thing, it's the only addiction training many of these counselors or addiction specialists have ever had so many aren't open to any other path and are very insistent. My rehab experience really ticked me off but there were a couple of staff that helped steer me in the direction I needed to go. If you find it's hindering more than helping then I guess you have to do what's right for you.
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Old 05-02-2016, 10:39 PM
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My rehab experience drove me up the wall for similar reasons. (Although I was inpatient, so I was really trapped!). But I made the best of it and learned what I could. I tried my best to "translate" the stuff I didn't agree with by looking for the kernel of truth in everything. I tried to treat everything I was presented with as having the potential to help me if I looked at it right. In the end I think just having the time to dry out, be accountable, and think in depth about sobriety did the trick. If I'd had the money, I would've left and gone someplace that fit better with my philosophy... but in the end it got me sober anyway!
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Old 05-02-2016, 10:41 PM
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(A side note on being treated like a child: that really is awful. I feel you. I just kept telling myself, "this is why I have to be sober. So that I never, ever give anyone reason to speak to me like this again.")

Good for you on making the choice to change. The intention and commitment is what will keep you sober!
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Old 05-02-2016, 10:49 PM
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I've never been through formal rehabilitation but I would say to remember that your best thinking and actions have put you in the position your in. Maybe it's time to listen to and follow the direction of those trying to help you and not trying to run the show yourself for awhile.
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Old 05-03-2016, 01:32 AM
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Personally I had to learn years ago to take what works for me and leave the rest at the door on my way out, had I not done this I honestly doubt I could sit here and say I am sober. We will find people in our journey that lay claim to the only way to recover, for me that goes in one ear and out the other however I have always found something to learn and use from every person placed in my walk of sobriety, just have to do some filtering

All the best
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Old 05-03-2016, 04:33 PM
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J, I have to agree with you. That would drive me crazy. I went to inpatient rehab and never felt like that, despite the fact that I was there 7 weeks. (Well, ok, I did feel like a child once in awhile when we were at the movies and staff members had walk us to the restrooms, lol) But your counselor should be there to help you reach your goals, not treat you like that. Unfortunately, many "counselors" are former addicts with little to no training. See if any of the folks there are licensed therapists. If not, I'd be out the door. I don't want to knock 12 Steps, but I've heard this is kind of typical at some of those rehabs (the place I went was not AA based). If you can filter out some of their nonsense and take what works, try to keep going -- or find another kind of rehab. I wanted to do outpatient but everything was AA based in my community.

Btw, what is "The Secret"? Is that the law of attraction movie? Curious.

Last edited by uncorked; 05-03-2016 at 04:35 PM. Reason: change stuff
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Old 05-03-2016, 04:55 PM
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ok, so ya gotta problem with people at rehab who you feel are treating you like a child by the employees.
it could be that the employees are following procedure by asking about tbe meds.
but wouldnt it be more like a responsable adult to talk like an adult to these employess instead of talking to the director?
its amazing what can be resolved with a calm conversation with the people involved without dragging someone into the middle.
it could be real simple to ask the psychiatrist,"mind if i ask why you ask me about my meds every time?"
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Old 05-03-2016, 05:01 PM
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tom, I think J was talking about the therapist, not the psychiatrist. And true, maybe it's protocol. But it sounds like there is just general frustration because he/she is there on his/her own accord and is being treated like a child.

Hey, where up north are you? I'm from MI but live in New Orleans....I just love "up north" used to vacation there as a kid.
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Old 05-03-2016, 05:25 PM
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I'm not sure what you should do, Jseattle. I didn't go to rehab so I have no experience there. I hope you find what works for you and that recovery becomes a pleasure and not a chore.
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Old 05-03-2016, 05:42 PM
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I knew a lot about drinking but almost nothing about how to stay sober. My thinking got me into the hell I called life.

When I stopped trying to do it my way and started to listen to the suggestions of people with long-term sobriety and to do what they did I started on the road of recovery.

What you like, dislike, agree with or not makes no difference. The only question you need to ask yourself is, "If it worked for others can it work for me."

I am still a child when it comes to sobriety. I do know a lot more than I did but no where near as much as I should.

I have learned to listen and listen to learn
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Old 05-03-2016, 05:47 PM
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I had the same experience when I tried out patient rehab. I couldn't take being talked down to, not being taken seriously, and being talked to like a was a child. I ended up leaving the outpatient and found a path that I felt I could really integrate into my life.

I found a doctor that specializes in addiction who actually treats his patients with respect and is overall a wonderful doctor. I also go to the substance abuse counselor in his office and a psychiatrist that specializes in substance abuse. My doctor, counselor, and my psychiatrist are all in the same office and they all compare notes and work as a team. I go to my doctor once a month, the psychiatrist once a month, and I go to the counselor as many times as I feel I need but have dropped down to once or twice a month since I am at 9 months.

There is no "right" path. You need to decide what you need and then make the steps to get it.
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Old 05-03-2016, 07:59 PM
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I wasn't really thrilled with my outpatient rehab when I was there. I had a laundry list of complaints.

Oddly enough, the longer I have been clean, the more fondly I look back on it and the more grateful I am for it.

Perspective seems to take time. (For me anyhow)

YMMV
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Old 05-03-2016, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by uncorked View Post
. Btw, what is "The Secret"? Is that the law of attraction movie? Curious.
Yes the law of attraction movie. I found it really offensive, not to mention triggering to gambling addicts and people with manic personalities. The whole "waves in the universe" thing, the idea that you think about being rich and will become rich (with multiple flashes of lottery signs), plus the idea that people who have bad things happen brought it on themselves (including cancer!).

This is a medical establishment. I was appalled.
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Old 05-03-2016, 09:04 PM
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Thanks all. I am sticking with it for now. My assigned counsellor is not a good fit for me but I really like and admire some of the others. They give us a voice and let us help eachother.

I like many of the people I am in rehab with. Similar background and education (and age) to me. Similar place in life. Smart. I think that is where the talking down thing gets annoying. I understand these guys are he experts but we are experts in ourselves, highly educated, self aware. We are not resisting treatment at all. Some make no effort to get to know us and seem to be checking off boxes.

I am still so annoyed about that damn movie. Really - rehabs are seeking to become more science and evidence based and they show a pseudo-science self help piece of money-grubbing quackery? Arg. And it was my counselor who led the discussion after and he found me "hostile".

Okay calm breaths. Take what I can and leave the rest. I'm sober. That is what matters.
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Old 05-03-2016, 11:27 PM
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I am sorry you are having a frustrating experience. It does sound annoying. the movie thing is very strange. But like you said, you just have to keep going and take what you can from it. The important thing is the you are sober and you are working towards staying that way.
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Old 05-04-2016, 12:08 AM
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Originally Posted by jseattle View Post
I am done drinking. I have known for a while I needed to stop (solitary drinking into the night), finally picked up the phone, found a place, told them everything, told my husband everything (he had no clue - my AV is very devious). I am done. That was 2 weeks ago. I didn't need to detox though I did have cravings.
are you familiar with the alternatives to 12-Step? depending on your geographical area there may be non-AA face-to-face meetings available.

ultimately it's up to you not to drink, whether you continue to go to Rehab or not..

If you do go back, realize it for what it is, and be grateful that you're one of the people who checked themselves in rather than being coerced.
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Old 05-04-2016, 01:50 AM
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Jseattle, for what it's worth, it was tremendously helpful for me to post a report here every day. Writing helps me to think through things.
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Old 05-04-2016, 03:51 AM
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Originally Posted by aNewEternity View Post
are you familiar with the alternatives to 12-Step? .
Yes. My dad used SMART and I did go to one meeting and found it ok - but a support group but very fact based. Love their web site.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:43 AM
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For better or worse the treatment industry is so very flawed. Often if you disagree, it will be pointed out that they are the experts and it is your "addict" that is making you disagree. Your feelings are likely very justified and valid. Whether you complete this or not will likely have little bearing on your outcome. Still the way we feel about "quitting", even if it is really the right thing to do is difficult.
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