LifeChanges

I am a woman in my mid 40's . Very new to recovery. Went to my second aa meeting, and I walked into a room full of only men. I was hoping this may be a good location as they have m-f early meetings. Perfect for after dropping kids at school. They were all perfectly nice and welcoming, it was a smallish group, no more than 15 or 20. I'm told that there are women there sometimes. Just bummed because I was hoping to have this be my home location. Is it a bad idea to keep trying here or do I need to find a place where it is more 50/50 with genders?

stevieg46

You can never tell who will be at meetings especially male/female , if possible go to some other meetings and meet up with some women and hopefully make friends , thing is you could go to the same meeting again and the women could outnumber the men , do what makes you comfortable .

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006

CaseyW

Besides being the only woman, which is understandable going to be uncomfortable, how was the meeting? Did you hear some good recovery going on?

I'd try that meeting again at least a few times to see if you just happened to hit it on a men only day, but I'd also check out any other options for meeting times that might work for you. Every meeting has a different vibe, even different timed meetings at the same meeting place.

Congrats on walking through those doors. That's always a big step.

Berrybean

Well done on getting to your first meeting. My first week of AA I only saw one other female. I then tried other meetings and found more of an equal balance. Where I go now there is sometimes more females than males. I still like to visit that first meeting just went to when I'm back in my old stomping ground though.

Its always worth trying a variety of meetings, whatever the m/f split anyway. And if after you've tried a few you're as happy at the one with lots of males as anywhere and it's the one you know you can get to most regularly, then no problem making it your home group. You may even find that other women start going because they know that THEN won't be the only female. As long as you feel safe, that's the main thing.

uncorked

There is a women's only group where I live. See if your community offers one.

ALinNS

Go where you feel welcome and comfortable, generally there are more than one group(s) in areas, I do now from attending 20+ years on and off, meetings are generally 90%+ men.....not sure why

Andrew

oldsoul1122

There are many meetings in the area but I like the smaller intimate ones 4-8 people the best and they are mostly men. I don't see much of a difference. The men share feelings, emotions and tear up and cry. Maybe because the small meetings are safer IDK. Also a women's meeting of around 40 but it's too loud and overwhelming with only time for 5 to share at the most. You always have the option for you to start a women only meeting. I hope you find your niche.

Ruby2

Congratulations on going. That is the most important part. I understand that it may feel awkward walking into a meeting composed only of members of one gender. I've walked into meetings where I'm the only woman and it does feel weird sometimes. I'm more comfortable now doing that but only because I know a bunch of people now.

I'd suggest asking one of the guys if there is another day during the week that more women attend. Or, just go every day and see for yourself. There's usually a rhythm to meetings as to who goes and when. You can also call the AA service officer in your area to ask about women's meetings.

Good luck and congrats.

LifeChanges

I don't mind being one of a few or even the only woman. I find each person offers something valuable and it never matters if it's from a man or woman. I guess I was a little worried that they would be a little put off by a woman joining if they were used to and comfortable with all men. They were welcoming and I left feeling good, but just wanted to ask here if anyone thought it might be a problem, for them or me. I'm just over worrying as usual.
The meeting time is perfect for me, get my day started with a meeting every weekday if I need. There is a different meeting I already planned on trying at the end of the week.
Now, being so new to sobriety, I wonder how long it will take for me to feel I have anything to offer as they go around the room for shares.

fini

if it's a problem for them, they have a program that includes stuff to help them deal with it

okay, never mind my cheekiness.

when i firat walked into what is now my HG, everyone, yes every person there, was under thirty. i was 58. sigh. can't fit, once again! double sigh.

i stayed.
what that did, for one thing, is put another "oldie" there for the next older person who walked through the door a few weeks later. we now have five or six.

if you find you can identify with "them and their stories", if you see they have what you want, that they have found a solution, then you're in the right place.

LifeChanges

Well I went back to this meeting today and there were 7 other women besides me there. Glad I went. Although I would have been perfectly fine with all men.
I was also glad I went because there was another person there who admitted they don't believe in God. That is one reason I've been afraid of aa, I was raised Catholic but I really struggle with the idea of God. So to see someone who was so happy to be there say in front of the group that he doesn't believe in God was a relief. I did see a few people immediately look at each other and roll their eyes tho. Seemed very condescending and arrogant. But I made sure to let the person know that they made a difference for me today, made me feel more hopeful and comfortable.

SoberLife90

I think you should try it again expecially if you like the location. Maybe there just weren't any women that week. You can also try and hit some other meetings too. Certain meetings around my area have larger groups of women and they usually stick together. Glad you made it to AA and SR. That's what I use to stay sober myself.

IvanMike

Don't worry.

Atheists and agnostics can work the 12 steps just fine.

So can people like me in their mid 40's. (Well, it was my mid 40's when I got clean anyhow....)

LifeChanges

Thank you IvanMike, good to know for sure

ilovedogs666

Yes, I am an atheist and a member of AA. I go to meetings 4-6 times a week, just had my one year of sobriety two weeks ago. My higher power is the group itself, the Group of Drunks as they say

I have a lot of friends in AA and most people are not religious at all, what helps is the fellowship, knowing that we are not alone and we dont have to do this by ourselves. Keep coming back!

Berrybean

Where I go to meetings in the uk, I am one of only a couple of Christians in the fellowship (I am only a couple of years sober). The non-Christian members have long and comfortable sobriety, and they all have developed their own idea of a Higher Power. Whether it's Love, and unknown entity, nature, Group Of Drunks, or whatever. The important thing is that they have recognised that they are not the Higher Power themselves. That there is a need for acceptance if we are going to find any kind of serenity in our lives. They pray and mediditate, just like it says in the BB.

AAPJ

FWIW - my sponsor is an atheist. I did not know this when I asked him to be my sponsor. He shared the fact at a third step meeting. I was a little surprised frankly. But he's a terrific person with a very spiritual program and I respect him a lot.

I was also raised Catholic. While I have heard many Catholics who share in AA about leaving the Catholic faith for me personally I would say that attending AA has made me a better Catholic and attending church has made me a better AA member. I realize I may be in the minority here but that's my experience.

Cherrybreeze

I had the opposite problem - went to a female-only meeting last week and most were much older than me, and I'm 36. The majority of the women were 60-80. They were welcoming none the less!

SoberLife90

As them where some meetings are that have more woman.