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Old 05-01-2016, 06:39 AM   #1 (permalink)

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Spouse resentful of recovery

I'm almost at 6 months. My spouse and I had it out bc im tired of him basically being a jerk to me and making me feel like sht. I recently told him that I was pissed that he's been treating me this way. Examples... commenting on my weight in backhanded ways, not being any comfort at all at hospital when I had a reaction to albuterol and my bronchials closed and I literally could not breathe, telling his mom who is crazy and hates me that I was in aa as well as telling some of us friends, and just acting in other nonloving ways. He said he's still angry and hates that I get to just m9ve on with my life while he's left with the memories of what I did. So... not I a good place. Pls give me some insight? Is this expected behavior? He's going to get some counseling so he says and now that I've out up that wall and closed myself off bc im so hurt that my husband doesn't want me to be happy he's paying attn to me again. Advice?
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Old 05-01-2016, 06:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Is he resentful because of your actions in the past or because you got sober?

There is no excuse for him to be cruel to you. He needs to fix that behavior. You don't have control over how he treats you. But you DO have control over how you react. When he says something mean or is acting like an ******* - step away and don't respond.

Glad he is getting counseling.

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Old 05-01-2016, 07:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I think it's normal for a spouse to hold onto bad memories for awhile. I know when I stopped drinking, I wanted my family to immediately see that I'd changed. Of course that didn't happen and it was not up to me to decide when or if they would forgive me.

Allow your husband to take some time. However, if he is making hurtful comments to you, that could put your recovery in jeopardy, so you might have to make a decision about that.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 05-01-2016, 07:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Obviously hubby is making snide remarks because of unresolved resentments. I'm not saying his comments are okay and I'm glad you let him know.

I'm happy to hear he's going for counseling.

Perhaps this will help open up the lines of communication between you two in a constructive manner instead of a hurtful one.

Congratulations on almost 6 months, serenitynowplz!
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Old 05-01-2016, 09:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I reserve comments on relationships as I believe they are sacred. With that said, I support you and I think you are correct in your thinking. You don't deserve the treatment you are getting.
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Old 05-01-2016, 10:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I told my husband after nearly a year sobriety, while I could understand his
resentment, lack of trust, etc. I was not willing to be a punching bag forever,
and he needed to process it, say it clearly and with a therapist if needed, and move on.

He mostly has, but since he now has a serious drinking problem of his own, our
dynamic is different than yours.
It was beginning to put my recovery at risk, and I was not willing to accept that.
You have to know what you can endure.
"There's almost as many terms and gradations for drinkers like us as there are stars in the sky.

All the study in the world - and all the subjective hierarchies - won't get people sober. . .

Only action can do that."

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