Self Control ( or lack of! )
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
(((overforty))) Just stay sober today. 
I know it sounds cliché; it gets better. But it really, really does get better. If getting sober and staying sober was so easy there would be no need for SR. You are in early days and, yeah, early days can be tough but you CAN get through this
For now, just stay sober today.
Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
I know it sounds cliché; it gets better. But it really, really does get better. If getting sober and staying sober was so easy there would be no need for SR. You are in early days and, yeah, early days can be tough but you CAN get through this
For now, just stay sober today.
Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by overforty 
I know you are all right - but pouring it away or giving it away isn't what I wanted to hear!
For some reason I want to fight it - and prove this stupid point to myself.
But I know ( and it really pisses me off! ) that it's because I don't want to have to accept never drinking again!
Never again just feels too depressing.
I can't deal with that at the moment - it has to just be for now.
I can't bear the thought of having to have clarity 24/ 7!
I have to be honest and say that I really want to be able to just leave my head every now and again.
Even though I know I can't moderate I'm telling myself at the moment that I will be able to in the future.
The wine symbolises that.
I'm talking utter bollocks I know!
I've started to try and tell myself my drinking wasn't that bad.
In my head at the moment my drinking would be fine if I just didn't do it every day!
I feel really confused and not sure that abstinence is the way forward for me!
But I'm not going to drink the champagne - I'm going to give it away!
x
For some reason I want to fight it - and prove this stupid point to myself.
But I know ( and it really pisses me off! ) that it's because I don't want to have to accept never drinking again!
Never again just feels too depressing.
I can't deal with that at the moment - it has to just be for now.
I can't bear the thought of having to have clarity 24/ 7!
I have to be honest and say that I really want to be able to just leave my head every now and again.
Even though I know I can't moderate I'm telling myself at the moment that I will be able to in the future.
The wine symbolises that.
I'm talking utter bollocks I know!
I've started to try and tell myself my drinking wasn't that bad.
In my head at the moment my drinking would be fine if I just didn't do it every day!
I feel really confused and not sure that abstinence is the way forward for me!
But I'm not going to drink the champagne - I'm going to give it away!
x
We worked hard and long on step one. It became painfully obvious that should I drink again I would again be powerless over alcohol and my life would return to the hell it was. He hammered home the truth I never ever would be able to drink normally.
What he didn't say was you can never drink again. I was told that all I had to do was to stay sober today. If I went to bed sober than today had been a success. Gradually I stopped worrying about forever and concentrated on a day at a time.
Somewhere around two years I realized how good my life had become. I decided that a lifetime of sobriety was what I wanted and that meant I couldn't drink anymore.
Even though I doubt I will ever drink again I still only worry about doing the things I need to do the will keep me sober today. It is quit simple forever is not today.
This simple philosophy has worked now for 2473 days so I would say it has some merit
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Bristol
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by overforty
Thanks for the replies
But to be honest I'm crying right now - not about the stupid champagne but just about the fact that I have to stay present and in my own head all the time!
It's exhausting
The stupid champagne represented a time when I was better - when I recovered from this addiction.
And I'm not sure why, but I think it's just hit me that I will NEVER be better!
This ******* thing is going to be with me forever!
I'm not sure that's better than drinking.
I'm just not sure of what the point of not drinking is at the moment.
I made a list earlier.
And the best thing about being sober is my anxiety is much less.
And I don't feel hungover.
But I just feel so miserable.
All of the misery I had when I was drinking is still there - it's just more glaringly obvious!
And instead of being too hungover to do anything about any of it - I just don't know where to begin.
I'm tired of my own complaints!
x
But to be honest I'm crying right now - not about the stupid champagne but just about the fact that I have to stay present and in my own head all the time!
It's exhausting
The stupid champagne represented a time when I was better - when I recovered from this addiction.
And I'm not sure why, but I think it's just hit me that I will NEVER be better!
This ******* thing is going to be with me forever!
I'm not sure that's better than drinking.
I'm just not sure of what the point of not drinking is at the moment.
I made a list earlier.
And the best thing about being sober is my anxiety is much less.
And I don't feel hungover.
But I just feel so miserable.
All of the misery I had when I was drinking is still there - it's just more glaringly obvious!
And instead of being too hungover to do anything about any of it - I just don't know where to begin.
I'm tired of my own complaints!
x
(Not related but I've got half bottle of Martell VSOP - open so can't give it away..pouring away - just can't do it, at least it's out of sight, not in fridge lol)
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: CT
Posts: 14
You have more or different self control than I do. I'm 7 months sober, but I can't be sure I wouldn't drink that champagne if it was in my fridge.
I have no self control with food now that I stopped drinking, mainly chocolate. I'd like to get back into shape but it's so hard.
I have no self control with food now that I stopped drinking, mainly chocolate. I'd like to get back into shape but it's so hard.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
overforty, I didn't think I wanted to be in an un-altered state of mind 24/7, either. When I drank, I was a casual pot smoker, so I thought that I would quit drinking and just smoke more pot. Mind you, I never really cared for it and hate the whole act of smoking anything.
Fast forward into sobriety, and I actually WANT to be in my own head 24/7! I have learned so much about myself. I am facinated by me! That's one of the many gifts of sobriety, you get to know yourself, and you get to work on the things you want to improve. Its a faciating journey.
Fast forward into sobriety, and I actually WANT to be in my own head 24/7! I have learned so much about myself. I am facinated by me! That's one of the many gifts of sobriety, you get to know yourself, and you get to work on the things you want to improve. Its a faciating journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Like FWG, I was afraid of being in my own head living with myself 24/7 - but I genuinely love it now.,
Remember that change can occur - the way you feel now is not necessarily the way you'll feel in 6 months time overforty
D
Remember that change can occur - the way you feel now is not necessarily the way you'll feel in 6 months time overforty
D
Last edited by Dee74; 05-02-2016 at 12:46 AM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 15
Hi Over, I feel your pain. And your pride for doing so well so far! Im a newbie but I live in a house where everyone drinks so there's beer in fridge, wine and vodka on the windowsill. I imagine I've been dropped into enemy territory, got to be on my toes, crafty and clever and know when to withdraw. My aunt quit smoking by carrying a pack around in her pocketbook. For some reason it made it easier for her. She did that for a few months and then threw them out and never looked back. Keep going!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
"Remember that change can occur - the way you feel now is not necessarily the way you'll feel in 6 months time overforty"
Thanks D
That makes a lot of sense to me!
I barely slept last night and have woken up feeling terrible.
But at least I didn't drink.
I am going to look into yoga classes - I think something like that would be good for me.
Big hugs for everyone - I'm so glad SR is here x
Thanks D
That makes a lot of sense to me!
I barely slept last night and have woken up feeling terrible.
But at least I didn't drink.
I am going to look into yoga classes - I think something like that would be good for me.
Big hugs for everyone - I'm so glad SR is here x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
I just wanted to add that I gave up smoking on the 26th December 2015 after 25 years - I still have a couple of cigarettes in the house along with an e cigarette which I have no intention of smoking - but I do still have the desire on occasion.
Maybe it's time to dump the lot!
x
Maybe it's time to dump the lot!
x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yep. Dump it.
You know, it really might be worth at least trying AA. All that learning to comfortable with myself, and be in my own thoughts without sending myself doo-lally was made possible for me through the recovery work I did with my sponsor in AA. And having that fellowship has meant I've made some good and fun sober friends who I can meet up with at weekends and evenings. Sometimes for an AA meeting, but also just for coffee and a chat, or a mooch round the shops, or jump on the train somewhere new for the day. (Things my partner isn't interested in doing when the pub might be open).
Did you notice that as soon as you'd taken the champagne bottle card from your AV's hand it upped it's game by threatening that you'll always feel terrible without alcohol. That's kind of typical AV behaviour. It doesnt tell the truth and it always plays dirty. The good news is, the longer you go without feeding that particular beast, the weaker and smaller it will become. This is why moderation is so difficult for alcoholics. When we try to moderate, we keep feeding our AV by taking that first drink.
You're doing great. But just remember there are people meeting regularly very close to where you live who could give you lots of support. And it's free. And the only requirement for going is that you want to stop drinking. Plus, people are on this site 24 hours a day as it's worldwide. Yiu can do this. And it WILL get easier x
You know, it really might be worth at least trying AA. All that learning to comfortable with myself, and be in my own thoughts without sending myself doo-lally was made possible for me through the recovery work I did with my sponsor in AA. And having that fellowship has meant I've made some good and fun sober friends who I can meet up with at weekends and evenings. Sometimes for an AA meeting, but also just for coffee and a chat, or a mooch round the shops, or jump on the train somewhere new for the day. (Things my partner isn't interested in doing when the pub might be open).
Did you notice that as soon as you'd taken the champagne bottle card from your AV's hand it upped it's game by threatening that you'll always feel terrible without alcohol. That's kind of typical AV behaviour. It doesnt tell the truth and it always plays dirty. The good news is, the longer you go without feeding that particular beast, the weaker and smaller it will become. This is why moderation is so difficult for alcoholics. When we try to moderate, we keep feeding our AV by taking that first drink.
You're doing great. But just remember there are people meeting regularly very close to where you live who could give you lots of support. And it's free. And the only requirement for going is that you want to stop drinking. Plus, people are on this site 24 hours a day as it's worldwide. Yiu can do this. And it WILL get easier x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Thanks Beccy
You're so right!
The AV are evil!
I have chosen to ignore them and not listen to their ********!
I don't think AA is for me - I'm not a group kind of person and the religious aspect puts me off.
I also don't feel like I want to admit that I'm powerless because I don't think that is true!
There are many things about AA that I know I won't like - but I respect that it works for some and I'm a believer in anything that gets you through it!
I think I would like to do what I'm doing and see how it goes
x
You're so right!
The AV are evil!
I have chosen to ignore them and not listen to their ********!
I don't think AA is for me - I'm not a group kind of person and the religious aspect puts me off.
I also don't feel like I want to admit that I'm powerless because I don't think that is true!
There are many things about AA that I know I won't like - but I respect that it works for some and I'm a believer in anything that gets you through it!
I think I would like to do what I'm doing and see how it goes
x
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
It was my refusal to accept that i couldn't drink again that caused me a lot of pain and anguish .
I don't sit there puzzling or questioning whats 2+2 these days .
When you accept the answer the question goes away.
I have no questions about me and alcohol these days.
Stop all this frustration , accept the answer you already have but don't want to , then go and do something more interesting and productive with the time of your life
You won't regret it . I haven't .
m
I don't sit there puzzling or questioning whats 2+2 these days .
When you accept the answer the question goes away.
I have no questions about me and alcohol these days.
Stop all this frustration , accept the answer you already have but don't want to , then go and do something more interesting and productive with the time of your life
You won't regret it . I haven't .
m
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hi overforty. I hope you're feeling better.
I would get rid of the champagne too. I've become comfortable serving alcohol in my own house but I don't keep champagne or wine in my fridge. I don't need to prove a point to anyone. I need to stay sober.
As for the future, we can only live one day at a time anyway. I used to worry about not being able to drink at this function or that occasion, but just faced each thing as it came, determined not to drink at each of them. So far, so wonderful. Each of those events came and went, and they are now firmly in the past while I continue to enjoy a lovely sober present. I don't look at any of those events thinking I wish I had been drinking at them.
I really wish you all the best. I remember one of your early posts that I identified with, because we're close in age. You seem very introspective and insightful. I am sure that will serve you well in your sobriety. Although of course there are some aspects of recovery that don't need over analysis. It's simple but not easy, as folks like to remind us here
I would get rid of the champagne too. I've become comfortable serving alcohol in my own house but I don't keep champagne or wine in my fridge. I don't need to prove a point to anyone. I need to stay sober.
As for the future, we can only live one day at a time anyway. I used to worry about not being able to drink at this function or that occasion, but just faced each thing as it came, determined not to drink at each of them. So far, so wonderful. Each of those events came and went, and they are now firmly in the past while I continue to enjoy a lovely sober present. I don't look at any of those events thinking I wish I had been drinking at them.
I really wish you all the best. I remember one of your early posts that I identified with, because we're close in age. You seem very introspective and insightful. I am sure that will serve you well in your sobriety. Although of course there are some aspects of recovery that don't need over analysis. It's simple but not easy, as folks like to remind us here
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Originally Posted by overforty
Thanks Beccy
You're so right!
The AV are evil!
I have chosen to ignore them and not listen to their ********!
I don't think AA is for me - I'm not a group kind of person and the religious aspect puts me off.
I also don't feel like I want to admit that I'm powerless because I don't think that is true!
There are many things about AA that I know I won't like - but I respect that it works for some and I'm a believer in anything that gets you through it!
I think I would like to do what I'm doing and see how it goes
x
You're so right!
The AV are evil!
I have chosen to ignore them and not listen to their ********!
I don't think AA is for me - I'm not a group kind of person and the religious aspect puts me off.
I also don't feel like I want to admit that I'm powerless because I don't think that is true!
There are many things about AA that I know I won't like - but I respect that it works for some and I'm a believer in anything that gets you through it!
I think I would like to do what I'm doing and see how it goes
x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
I gave away 20 or so bottles of wine, dumped out 3 beers and half a pint of Jack on day 7. Was SO glad I did. I won....
Last night my son opened a cabinet I thought was empty of alcohol, we rarely use this space..... One full regular size bottle of wine and one full gallon of wine. Don't even know where it came from. Your post reminded me that I must get rid of it when I get home!
Last night my son opened a cabinet I thought was empty of alcohol, we rarely use this space..... One full regular size bottle of wine and one full gallon of wine. Don't even know where it came from. Your post reminded me that I must get rid of it when I get home!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Overfourty, try to keep it as simple as you can. Come up with a plan that gives you the best chance at not drinking. When I first started, I couldn't think of it as a "forever" commitment either. The longer I stay sober, however, the easier it is to feel like this is a good life-long change. It took me until around month 14 to feel this way. I don't miss drinking any more and am slowly forgetting why I ever liked it in the first place. It becomes easier and easier to hang around with others who drink as well and it not be a trigger.
I will agree with the others that the bottle of champagne isn't worth keeping around for a moral victory. It kind of defeats the purpose of making a plan that gives you the best chance of success. Having the bottle in the house doesn't serve any good purpose.
Just take it one day at a time and keep it simple. You're doing great!
I will agree with the others that the bottle of champagne isn't worth keeping around for a moral victory. It kind of defeats the purpose of making a plan that gives you the best chance of success. Having the bottle in the house doesn't serve any good purpose.
Just take it one day at a time and keep it simple. You're doing great!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Ok, so you think that depriving yourself of alcohol 'forever' is just too much to consider. How about this instead? Think of what alcohol is meaning to you now, what it is keeping you from enjoying and experiencing, what pain and misery it is causing you. What if you were made a promise that all that garbage is over and done with? Permanently? Would you rather that freedom be only temporary? I don't think so.
When I made my decision to pour that handle of vodka out, I chose to dump it down the toilet, not the sink. I said goodbye to that crap forever. It was a relief, not a hardship or self deprivation.
If you are going to make a change, try looking at it in a way that gives you the best chance of success, not in a way that will promote failure. Give yourself every chance. And that starts with getting rid of that bottle in the fridge.
You can do it!
When I made my decision to pour that handle of vodka out, I chose to dump it down the toilet, not the sink. I said goodbye to that crap forever. It was a relief, not a hardship or self deprivation.
If you are going to make a change, try looking at it in a way that gives you the best chance of success, not in a way that will promote failure. Give yourself every chance. And that starts with getting rid of that bottle in the fridge.
You can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
I just got home from work and would love nothing more than to open the bottle of champagne!
As usual I'm in an empty house after a really dull day at work - I work with people I have nothing in common with.
One of the women I worked with today is a trigger for me to come home and get completely wasted!
She is my polar opposite - she has a husband and a family and is just so vanilla! She doesn't have a bad bone in her body!
If I'm honest I'm jealous of her
I'm so lonely.
As usual I'm in an empty house after a really dull day at work - I work with people I have nothing in common with.
One of the women I worked with today is a trigger for me to come home and get completely wasted!
She is my polar opposite - she has a husband and a family and is just so vanilla! She doesn't have a bad bone in her body!
If I'm honest I'm jealous of her
I'm so lonely.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Play the tape forward, overforty. How will you feel if you drink? Numb for a few hours maybe. Guilty and ashamed for days thereafter.
It isn't worth it.
Call a friend on the phone. Eat something. Get out of the house if it isn't too late where you are at. But please don't drink. Get through the night. Tomorrow will be better.
It isn't worth it.
Call a friend on the phone. Eat something. Get out of the house if it isn't too late where you are at. But please don't drink. Get through the night. Tomorrow will be better.
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