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Is it wrong?

Old 04-30-2016, 10:04 AM
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Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that I have shared information on this site that I have not shared with anyone? I know its anonymous, but I have opened up about things that not even my wife knows, and I was lucky enough to marry my best friend.

Even though I am the black sheep of my family and we have our problems, for some reason I am also the sounding board. I know things about each family member, that the other members don't know. And some of those things I've shared on this site, because I don't have anyone to tell.
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Old 04-30-2016, 10:38 AM
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Well I've done it so if you are wrong so am I. Everyone needs to talk and it's not always easy or possible even with those we love the most.

That's all I have dude!
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Old 04-30-2016, 10:40 AM
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I think that is part of the advantage of being anonymous.
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Old 04-30-2016, 10:54 AM
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Personally no I do not think so at all, I can only speak for myself but if (and I know she never would) my better half were to read my posts, it would not bother me at all as I work hard at being an open book and she knows everything about me so I have nothing to hide. Now my kids reading may be another story but I tell it like it is and if they were to have a problem, they would need to deal with it.
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Old 04-30-2016, 10:56 AM
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In early recovery, I think if you're not open with someone, somewhere, you can't heal.

As I've sobered, I have fewer secrets, at the same time I'm more conscious of my own (and others') privacy.
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Old 04-30-2016, 11:27 AM
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I don't feel I have shared secrets, but have shared how I am feeling emotionally in the moment on this site. For me the biggest help has been the January class, we all keep each other posted on how we are doing day by day, the good and the bad.

I have several close friends, and my husband that I can share the same things with, except of course when it is my husband that is driving me crazy!

My kids are 8,11&12, and I have had a conversation with my 12 year old who will be 13 in a few months about alcohol and drugs. She has noticed I have stopped drinking, and I let her know that I did so to be healthy, and also shared that it is one of those things that can be hard to stop doing once you start. She has no interest right now, and I hope it stays that way.
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Old 04-30-2016, 11:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Delilah1 View Post
I don't feel I have shared secrets, but have shared how I am feeling emotionally in the moment on this site. For me the biggest help has been the January class, we all keep each other posted on how we are doing day by day, the good and the bad. I have several close friends, and my husband that I can share the same things with, except of course when it is my husband that is driving me crazy! My kids are 8,11&12, and I have had a conversation with my 12 year old who will be 13 in a few months about alcohol and drugs. She has noticed I have stopped drinking, and I let her know that I did so to be healthy, and also shared that it is one of those things that can be hard to stop doing once you start. She has no interest right now, and I hope it stays that way.
Your kids are close to my kids ages--also 8 and just turned 13 year old twins. I was open with them when I started to go to AA meetings last week. They seemed a little surprised (they said Mom, you don't drink that much, but that's just of course because I'm secretive and maybe they couldn't put a name to it yet) but I just told them it was something I was doing to get healthier. I will definitely be open as they get older. They seem uninterested now but I know how rapidly that can change in the teen years. One of my twins is anxious like me and my 8 year old son likes to be the class clown jokester and also cares a lot about fitting in. So I definitely plan to remain as open as is appropriate with them.
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Old 04-30-2016, 12:00 PM
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no. it's not.

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Old 04-30-2016, 12:34 PM
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Just make sure that you are guard your anonymity and passwords etc. If it's stuff you wouldn't want her stumbling across.

I keep things vague on here. If I want to discuss specifics I talk to my AA sponsor who has a huge respect for confidentiality. She knows things that no one else knows about me, and that I have no intention of sharing with anyone other than her and God.
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Old 04-30-2016, 04:53 PM
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no.

D
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Old 05-01-2016, 12:01 AM
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Nothing wrong with it at all. I share lots of stuff here that I don't share with my family. It has nothing to do with hiding it or that they wouldn't want to know- it's that they simply won't understand. They have no frame of reference from which to understand addiction. Early on in recovery I tried to explain it to my brother but he simply can't get his head around what it's like.
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Old 05-01-2016, 12:40 AM
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I think its healthy actually It helps us to get things off our chest, and with sensitive info about family members its probably even better it's shared in an anonymous place where it cant get back to them, as long as it's not identifying info.
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Old 05-01-2016, 02:11 AM
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Nothing wrong at all, but please beware that although your log-in is anonymous, ANYTHING you put on the internet is there forever and always and can always be traced back to you. There was someone here who went off his rocker a few months ago about emails being sent from SR to his work email and threatening to sue for who knows what.
Be aware that while you can sign up under an anonymous name, using a false email it comes down to you the user to protect yourself at the level you see fit. The website and mods have no obligation to help you in this. He was the guy who signed up under his work email and then got bent out of shape when he didn't take time to understand and utilise the back office- notifications, opt out, etc.

I initially was quite closed with that I shared knowing this. But as time has gone on I have become more open as the act of sharing has proven to be beneficial to me. There are times that I have questioned or regretted what I have written out and wished I could take it back, but at the the end of the day it is there. I think someone would really have to be searching for me to find it though. That said, the pieces, for anyone interested or bored enough, could easily be put together and I think someone could "find me" in an hour of internet searching, if not less- same be said for you or others who share details of their lives that are less vague.

For example BeccyBean states that she is general or vague on here and I think that describes her usage very well. I think someone would have a a hard time pinpointing her on a map or other social media. She shares, but leaves out the details. It is great she has a sponsor that she can reach out to when she needs to get more specific and doesn't want to put it on the internet.

I think the site is great for both types of users, it just depends on what you are personally comfortable with. May main point was to not mistake anonymity for digital invisibility.
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Old 05-01-2016, 02:41 AM
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I've been far more open here than anywhere else. I don't care if its 'wrong'- SR is my safe place and I'll share what i want.
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Old 05-01-2016, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
Nothing wrong at all, but please beware that although your log-in is anonymous, ANYTHING you put on the internet is there forever and always and can always be traced back to you. There was someone here who went off his rocker a few months ago about emails being sent from SR to his work email and threatening to sue for who knows what.
Be aware that while you can sign up under an anonymous name, using a false email it comes down to you the user to protect yourself at the level you see fit. The website and mods have no obligation to help you in this. He was the guy who signed up under his work email and then got bent out of shape when he didn't take time to understand and utilise the back office- notifications, opt out, etc.

I initially was quite closed with that I shared knowing this. But as time has gone on I have become more open as the act of sharing has proven to be beneficial to me. There are times that I have questioned or regretted what I have written out and wished I could take it back, but at the the end of the day it is there. I think someone would really have to be searching for me to find it though. That said, the pieces, for anyone interested or bored enough, could easily be put together and I think someone could "find me" in an hour of internet searching, if not less- same be said for you or others who share details of their lives that are less vague.

For example BeccyBean states that she is general or vague on here and I think that describes her usage very well. I think someone would have a a hard time pinpointing her on a map or other social media. She shares, but leaves out the details. It is great she has a sponsor that she can reach out to when she needs to get more specific and doesn't want to put it on the internet.

I think the site is great for both types of users, it just depends on what you are personally comfortable with. May main point was to not mistake anonymity for digital invisibility.
Interesting story about the guy who got SR stuff at his work email. Wasn't aware of that. I will say that I'm fairly comfortable with the core group here. But I want to be clear, I open up here, but on facebook I never talk about personal issues. Never.
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Old 05-01-2016, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Interesting story about the guy who got SR stuff at his work email. Wasn't aware of that. I will say that I'm fairly comfortable with the core group here. But I want to be clear, I open up here, but on facebook I never talk about personal issues. Never.
I feel the same way, I open up much more here that I ever would on any other forum of social media- though I only have one social media account. I think you people really get me and it makes me feel safe. Again, to be clear, there are times I have crossed the line and there are things written in stone that I wish were not there, but no one to blame for myself but that one.

I only vaguely remember the work email incident so I can't comment with certainty. Apparently he had signed up for an SR account using his work email and then inadvertently signed up for notifications of something (replies to posts, newsletters, something) and was furious at the site and the moderators for this happening, threatening to sue and what have you.

Don't forget you can go modify your profile and your privacy setting at any time.
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Old 05-01-2016, 10:39 AM
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Kind of a little side note, but I've always thought it's a little weird that people refer to you as your real name all the time here when your username is "thomas11." If I remember right, you signed some of your early posts with your real name so that's how everyone came to know your first name. I guess it doesn't bother you that people call you by your real first name, but I always use thomas11 out of respect for your anonymity. I figure if you really wanted to be called that other name you would have used that as your username you chose here when you registered.

I'm probably not anonymous enough here. Casey is my real name, W is my last initial, and I think anyone who really knows me in real life and stumbled upon my posts here would recognize me. I don't really talk about my family or any embarrassing life details here, except for my own, though. If I had it to do over again, I'd probably have used a different username,. I think I've left that door open way too long now to change it now. Judging by your own posts, people would still call me Casey even if I changed it.
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Old 05-01-2016, 07:30 PM
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thomas11,
no, i don't think it's wrong.
i think most of us keep some things private from significant others. not as secrets, but as own space.
and i think it's great you feel open here; it can be a good safety valve.

i'm assuming your question relates to your wife not knowing about every thing you write here, and not about internet anonymity?
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