HyperBallad

I am 28, female, been a heavy drinker for the last 4.5 years (15-25 drinks/week) and am wrapping my head around the fact I can't continue for several reasons - mainly physical health.

Took two weeks off in January for first time in years. No major withdrawal symptoms, aside from sugar cravings and moderate anxiety & boredom. Even though I planned on cutting back when I resumed drinking again, I quickly was drinking almost every day again. Felt like I overdid it after a night of heavy drinking 6 weeks ago, and took some days off, and felt persistent upper right back pain/side ribcage discomfort each morning for a couple weeks. This prompted me to go to dr. for an exam & blood test. Liver function fine, blood sugar and cholesterol slightly high (I am thin, I eat well, and run 3-4 days a week), no swelling or enlargement of liver. Spent hours researching symptoms, and came to the conclusion I most likely have fatty liver. This worries me, and is a major factor for why I'm trying to turn things around.

The thought of taking a week or two off doesn't bother me because I did it in January and it was easier than I expected, but quitting indefinitely makes me SO anxious. I think about upcoming dates for events involving alcohol, and I already fear the anxiety of feeling like a failure for giving in. My goals at this point in time are to give my liver a break - I can do a month, or however long until I am no longer feeling back pain. I really would like to get to the point where I can handle light drinking on the weekends, or a few nights a month, without craving the buzz and thinking about how much I want to drink. I love drinking socially, and I love drinking alone to beat boredom. I take Xanax for anxiety, and have gotten much better at keeping my occasional panic attacks under control in recent years. I have a hard time stopping after "just a couple drinks" because I love the way alcohol makes me feel, but I really do feel like I am capable of keeping my drinking under control... I just need time, practice, and new routines and habits.

Advice? Has anyone here successfully gone from drinking heavily to light/controlled drinking for social occasions?

doggonecarl

Few if anyone with alcoholism can turn back into a normal drinker, though we often chase the dream of moderate drinking to our deaths.

You yourself couldn't do it when you quit back in January. You started drinking and went right back to where you were before. What makes you think a month of sobriety, or whenever you start feeling better, will make a difference? I'll tell you what makes you think that...your addiction.

My advice would be to start wrapping your head around accepting that you can't drink. Period. Forever. And while you are struggling with that idea, ask yourself--as you ponder with much anxiety all the events in the future that alcohol will be present at--why is drinking so important to me that I want to continue even though it is effecting my health.

Oh yeah, Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Soberwolf

Hello & Welcome Hyperballard it's the alcoholic's dream to able to continue drinking in some way shape or form believe me i tried I myself called it 'experimenting' before I admitted I was well & truly an alcoholic

believe me when I say I tried we all tried before we found our acceptance in knowing that we can't drink safely or responsibly I know I can't

Having a plan is essential in early sobriety as it can be like a rollercoaster with lots of emotion, frayed nerves etc but there will be good days in there and over time if you stick to your plan or recovery programme you will do well in sobriety

What you put in to your recovery you will get back you will never wake up sober & regret not drinking the night before

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

if I can help with anything just ask, nice to meet you

ccam1973

Welcome to SR. I think you'll find that most of us here have tried some type of moderation to some extent. I know I did, but it never lasted. No matter how hard I tried, I was nor will ever be a normal drinker.

Bottom line, if drinking is having negative effects on your life, you have the power to make a change.

Welcome aboard.

thomas11

My drinking pattern kind of went in reverse. I went from not having a problem to drinking daily, then cut back to just weekends. Weekend benders I felt were worse for my health than daily drinking. Then I just quit. Its been a long time since I've drank, and I still don't tell myself "never". I deal with it better that way.

oldsoul1122

Welcome...I toyed with that idea for 15 years. I wasted 15 years and I'm 67 and can't go back and retrieve any of it! My kind of thinking was the mental addiction itself at work trying to bargain a good deal and I always came up on the losing end. At 9 months I can look back...wow I can't believe I actually thought like that! Social drinking? I drank 'socially" when out in public and so I could drive safely, and then went home and drank a bottle of wine. IMO it just doesn't work.

Ananda

Ah Hon

This is such a tough one. When I was 28 I had no physical problems. When I drank again in my late 30s/early 40s ... the physical became obvious. When I drank the last time (mere months ago) the physical became life threatening.

The crazy thing is that even when I know I absolutely cannot successfully drink a few .... I insist on trying! You really need to find a way to stop that thinking or at least not cave in to it.

I do take medication for anxiety and depression that are long standing and occur even after long periods of sobriety, but the alchohol has always been my "go to gal" to ease the issues. Unfortunately, when I drink I may get a temporary relief, but then there is a "rebound" and it is all worse. The medication I take doesn't have that effect.

I do have to live real life though and it isn't always easy. I encourage you to really really try to look at not just your current fears, but what could be coming down the road years from now (or maybe even tomorrow) if you continue to drink.

I do know some people who have gone from abusing alcohol to using it socially (they are far and few between, but they do exist). The problem is that I'm not one of them. The scary part is that I'm only one drink away from any number of bad consequence from jail to job loss to death....

The vibe I get from you is that you still feel the need to explore your options. That isn't wrong or bad. I hope you have a friend or two who don't use alcohol much and can help you see how this all is working (or not working) for you.

I so wish that when I first stopped alcohol and drugs in 85 I had stayed off the alcohol (drug free since 85)! Perhaps you might want to look at my thread on long term effects of alcohol. I have become an unwilling poster child/ok oldie for that issue

I wish you the best and please be as honest as you possibly can with yourself and hopefully at least one other person so you can work through your next steps. Those steps can save your life or kill you

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Hevyn

Hi Hyper. It's so good to meet you.

I had that same desire - controlled drinking. I spent many years trying to moderate. I had the best of intentions, and was determined. But once that first drink hit my system, willpower did not work. I never remember having just one. It became exhausting and dangerous to try and control it. Stopping all together was the only option for me. We're glad you're here!

least

No. Remember, abstinence does not equal control. Just because you didn't drink for a period of time does not mean you can resume drinking responsibly. I wouldn't try it.

Dee74

I was never able to do it HyperBallad - I tried for 20 years tho.

Is complete abstinence something you'd consider?

D

FLCamper

I had a hard time for years accepting the idea that I could never drink. I also felt like the "one day at a time" was just a trick! Because I knew that they really meant forever.
Consider this: go to one or two social events and don't drink - just view it as an experiment. See how it feels. I was surprised by how easy it really was and how I did not feel out of place. And, it was nice to get home sober and even better to wake up without a hangover.
I was told by a nurse/counselor that combining Xanax and alcohol can cause serious memory problems. (not giving medical advice, certainly not telling you what to do, but they don't mix well)
BTW - I'm a runner, too. And it feels a lot better to run without a hangover!