cakeater

Hi all--I'm very happy to have found this forum. I've had a problem with drinking more than I should for years and justified it by saying 'I'm still drinking way less than others so it's okay.'

Earlier this month, I finally admitted to myself that's it's more than a problem--it's an addiction that I couldn't give up.

Staying sober is a bit challenging because I'm in an environment where excess is considered 'normal.' Every weekend when we go out, people have 7--8 large drinks/night. It doesn't help that I'm quite shy and generally uncomfortable with people (without alcohol, it's very difficult being in social settings). I stopped going out on the weekends for the moment, but I can't stay shut in the house forever.

Any advice would be helpful.

ALinNS

Welcome to the forum, personally believe to stay sober aside from the hard work, requires a lot of life changes, where we hang out especially early in recovery, friends that support us, activities that are healthy and fill the void, a plan to prevent relapse. educate ourselves, daily reflection of how we are doing to name a few.

Mentioned this in other threads, I have many healthy hobbies but recently bought a home in a new area, met some great neighbors and used Meet Up on the internet to see what special interest groups are in the area, we have a community newsletter that lists events, if they look like something that would interest me and not just a big drunk, I check it out. One of the biggest aides for me is walking and hiking with my dog.

All the best

Easy2slip

Welcome to SR .. I'm new here too and on my 7th day of being sober.

In my opinion, if your environment is surrounded by drinking and 7-8 drinks is normal. Well you may need to make a change in that department.

Find a new hobby. I am lucky that I play guitar. I am now playing sober and am actually getting better !

Best to you and enjoy the forums. They have helped
me a lot.

Soberwolf

Welcome Cakeater have you got a plan & are you going to meetings

cakeater

Thank you everyone. I have rekindled my old hobbies (reading and writing) and made some new ones (cooking), but it's still very difficult to abstain from social situations for long.

I'm a Canadian expat living in a country where AA isn't popular (only active in a few cities, my city doesn't even have an active chapter anymore). Meet ups aren't as popular either and most of them are business oriented.

People are friendly, but social gatherings are centered around alcohol. Pretty much everyone drinks (except for maybe two people that I know of here). Just recently there was a 'breakfast party'--starts at 11 in the morning and goes on till midnight and people go nuts. Luckily, my husband and I were out of town when that happened.

I've recently joined an expat association so hopefully social gatherings there will be more varied.

Soberwolf

Have a read through of these links to help build a plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

least

Welcome to the family. The most important thing I've found in getting sober is that you must want to be sober more than you want to drink.

cakeater

Thanks a ton soberwolf, I will check out both threads!

D122y

Congrats on fighting to stay clean.

Drinking that hard for a while means the euphoric pathways have been established.

You are an addict. Fight for your life.

That is the big deal w quitting....making a sober life...

Once the physical addiction is over...about a month for me...

Then you get the mental issues...still have some anxiety at 1 year clean...it was horrible for several months.

The you have to adjust your life to be happy not drinking.

Staying busy is what we all say...but there are inevitably going to be times when the drink option is there in living color....

Was at that option yesterday. I had nothing to do for about 7 hours before bed. I obsessed about the most out of my control issue I could have for a while.

I was doing laundry, fiddling w my gadgets...and obsessing...

Then I reminded myself...it is out of my control...don't worry about it. I believe in a higher power so I believe he is in control of the situation.

If you don't believe in a higher power you have to believe the situation in itself is not your concern. It is less satisfying, but manageable. I guess.

I think the obsessing issue is a trigger to drink again once the physical and mental issues begin to quell. But, happy or sad I drank no matter in the past.

Get clean. Make life adjustments. Stay clean.

cakeater

Thank you D122y--your post was very helpful.

I get queasy in parties so much so that sometimes, I automatically reach for a glass of wine if a water walks by. Once, I picked up my husband's glass of red wine and almost took a sip before even realizing what I was doing (was able to stop myself though).

The anxiety doesn't stop until (for some weird reason) everyone else is tipsy--then I start relaxing even though I haven't had a drink. I don't know if this happens to anyone else.

I went for a meditation boot camp of sorts earlier in the month for 10 days and have practised regularly for 20 mins a day so that seems to have helped a bit. I just feel like my self esteem is in shambles so once that picks up, then I'll have less social anxiety.

cakeater

thanks least! That's definitely true.

However, when you're in a party, everyone's drinking and most people are pressuring you--it's tough to remember how much better you're doing now that you're sober.

Bunny211

Welcome! I am 11 months into my sobriety and I can tell you it DOES get easier. At the beginning I stayed FAR away from anywhere alcohol was served. I did not go to bars, parties, weddings, clubs etc. for the first 3 months. I realized I had to work on building a life with hobbies and interests that did not include alcohol. I really love AA because I have met so many wonderful people who opened my eyes to a FUN life without booze. I often go to dinner or movies with AA friends. Also, I decided to take on some new hobbies. I joined a sailing club recently and I am going kayaking this weekend (a MeetUp I found online). If I have a reason to be there I can be around alcohol (parties, weddings, restaurants) but I still do not go to bars or clubs or pool halls. Remember, you got sober to live and fully experience life, not to withdraw and be miserable! Here are some fun things you can look into, experiment with:

Bowling
Walking
Hiking
Kayaking
Sailing
Rock Climbing
Skiing
Snow-Shoeing
Movies
Supper Clubs
Trivia Clubs (as long as they don't meet in a bar)
Online Book Clubs
Taking an academic class
Taking a cooking class
Sewing
Knitting
Art classes
Volunteering
Horseback Riding
Surfing
Kite-Surfing
Parasailing
Travel
Road-Trips
Amusement Parks
Water Parks
Collecting Things (shells, rocks, stamps)

You get the idea...



Meetup.com is a great resource to get started...trying new things! For me, when I was at the end of my drinking, all I did was lie on my couch and drink and puke. Since I got sober a whole world has opened up to me!

So glad you have decided to choose LIFE and a LIFE worth living!

ccam1973

Welcome aboard Cakeater. Like the others are saying, you've got to make life adjustments to give yourself the best chance at breaking this cycle. If that means not going out for a while, then that's what you'll have to do. Only you will be able to set your boundaries to avoid triggering your drinking voice. Sometimes, the situations will be unavoidable and you will need a plan in place to help you get through those times.

You can do this... commitment, dedication and believing that by not drinking you are building a better tomorrow will get you through this.

Lean on us as much as you need when times get tough.

Welcome aboard!

cakeater

Thank you Bunny--it's good to know that it gets easier!

Unfortunately, MeetUps aren't as popular where I am and most are business based. But I will mostly likely join a cycling club. I try and work out every day and that definitely helps.

thomas11

Hi cakeeater, I think living a life of sobriety will require some lifestyle changes but it doesn't have to be boring, although it may seem like it at first.

I'll share my experience as I am fairly new to this as well. Early on if I would have went to a bar and not drank I would have been fidgety and wanted to drink, it would have been no fun at all and would prefer to have stayed home. Currently I can go hang out with a few friends (although its very rare) and not feel uncomfortable or fidgety. I won't go to a place that is strictly a bar, it has to be a place that serves food, and I will eat something. Keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who had no interest in having a couple drinks to socialize, I drank to get drunk, and usually at home. I wish you the best.

Anna

The best way to deal with that is to not be around alcohol. It took me many months before I felt comfortable being around people drinking alcohol. I think lifestyle changes are really important to help support your sobriety.

Dee74

some great advice here cakeeater - welcome aboard

D

Hevyn

It's so good to have you with us, cakeater. Being able to talk things over with people who understand makes a huge difference. You're never alone.

cakeater

Thank you everyone.

I will definitely stay away from social settings in the immediate future until I am more comfortable.

My husband's going to be annoyed though because he feels like I should just make the effort and white knuckle it through. I don't think he understands how awful I feel for a few hours--the anxiety, low self esteem, generally feeling inferior. I'm going to put my foot down though. Has anyone gone through something like this with a spouse/ partner?