FreeOwl

never got sucked down with opiates, but been off enough other addictions to know the struggle of trying to stay away, trying to fight through a day...

congratulations on your choice to get clean.

I'm glad you're here.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

sugarangel

Thanks, FreeOwl
I think thats why i keep coming back here. Is the only place i can go where everyone understands how hard just one dang day can be, and dont think im just whatever.
Sorry if i sound all over the place. But i am. Brain haze is awful today.

thomas11

Hi sugarangel, you mentioned in an earlier post how you are going to do this and that you have so far to go. You do it just like you are doing it. I find posting often helps when I can't seem to settle my mind.

sugarangel

Hi Thomas
I am doinv exactly what you said. Posting and reading here because my mind is racing e erywhere. I think I may have blown up the word game forum. Am holing people wont get sick of my posting everywhere like a freak. It will settle down soon I hope.
There is an "Ancient Aliens" marathon on today. Love that show. Going to try and settle down for that. Havent been able to concentrate on tv or anything for days. I even have the next book in the Maze Runner series and was so excited, but couldnt focus enough to read. Goinb to try to get into that this weekend.
Just trying to make it through the next 5 min. right now.

doggonecarl

Post away. That's what SR is for. Support. And here's hoping you get through the day and coming weekend...strong and still clean.

sugarangel

Thanks Carl. That is my plan.
The dog in your avatar? is really cute.

doggonecarl

My Wilma Girl. Best dog ever. She passed in 2009. I have six more dogs at home making her absence easier to manage.

thomas11

I'm with Carl, post away. There is usually always someone to talk to.

sugarangel

Ahhh. Am sorry. I lost my beautiful papillion 2 yrs ago and still miss her every day. I have a sweet little jack russell chihuahuah mix girl that I am crazy in love with. She sure can hog the bed for such a little thing. Dogs are amazing. They give you so much and ask for so little in return. Dont know what Id do without her.

sugarangel

Thanks Thomas

thomas11

You still hanging in there? After all its Friday...

sugarangel

Hi

Yes, am still hanging. Not going to whine today about how I feel. No point in that anymore. It is what it i til its not, I guess.
Mom came over last night. Was really worried about it, but went really well. She didnt talk about her daily drinking, and I didnt talk about my wds. Perfect.
Anyway, I am starting day 4. Wish me luck. Need all I can get. Need some motivation, too. Like the Rocky theme song playing

sugarangel

Or Channing Tatum.

teatreeoil007

We're still with ya, Angel! You can do this and I hope you continue on the awesome path you've chosen! Many hugs to you! Keep sharing as much as you feel like. I enjoy reading what you have to say.

sugarangel

Thanks TTree. Oh man, did I need some encouragement. Your post came at a perfect time. I said I was not going to whine, and I won't. Just having bad cravings. Doing everything I can think of to not think of them.
Every night I Scarlett O'Hara it and tell myself that tomorrow will be better because, after all, tomorrow is another day. Then again, Tara did burn down.
Oh well. On with another sleepless night.
Thanks you guys for everything.
"I'll be back" - Arnold

teatreeoil007

Well, sweetie, sometimes it can feel as if there is no other choice but start again in the morning/tomorrow. I've realized the beauty of calling it an early night, settling myself down and get myself into a calm frame of mind as part of my bedtime routine. I have found that helps a lot.

Hey-I guess there is a reason that Gone With The Wind was such a success and is a treasured classic to this day and why Vivien Leigh won an Oscar for playing Scarlett. (she was bi-polar, btw). The character of Scarlett was such a MIXTURE of things. She was spoiled, bratty, cunning, charming, feisty, strong, but the part of her I liked best was that she was brave, resourceful, had spunk, and was a non-conformist. Yet, she was shunned by 'society'. hmmmm. And she delivered that baby, for heaven's sake and saved Melly's life. Hmmmm. I think perhaps author Margaret Mitchell would have made a very good shrink!

So, back to you, girl. You just gotta hang in there honey...Life is worth living and you have every right to enjoy it and be happy and feel well. Do whatever it takes to reach that goal and keep your eye on the prize. It'll be alright...one moment at a time. Keep on...

sugarangel

Aww. Thanks TTree. I always like reading your posts. They always seem to come at just the right time, too. Thanks for the encouragement. And advice. It was much needed. I had a really, really rough go of it yesterday.
Anyway, on with day 5. I can't believe I'm here. Thought I was going to die in wds lol. I am just glad some of the physical stuff is going away. Now comes the mental stuff. That is the really hard part for me. The cravings and the mind tricks. That voice in my head whispering all the time that I could maybe moderate this time. Wondering if someone I know has any. Wanting to call my doc for refills. Ugh.
Switching topics...I Think what killed me most about Scarlett was she could never see what she really had until she lost it. Like Rhett. Or that she would always want what she couldn't have. Like Ashley. You're right. She was vain, and bratty and selfish. But, I do love her. She is a classic.
I did not know that about Vivien Leigh. I find that really interesting. I love the old school gals of cinema. Katherine Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman, Greta Garbo, Barbara Stanwyk. And my three personal faves. Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Paige, and the queen of them all, IMHO, Grace Kelly. Now, those were women. Smart, sexy, messed up, and mostly unapologetic for it. I love them for that. I know Bettie Paige was a pin up girl, among other things, and not an actress,
per se. But, I added her because she personifies her era so well. Plus, she was crazy as hell, but found a way to use her crazy to her advantage. Good on her.
And Marilyn and Grace. They are the perfect examples of the 2 basic female archetypes. The Madonna and the *****. By society's standards, women are always either one or the other. The girl you booty call. Or the girl you take home to mom. A Marilyn or a Grace. I always aspired to be a Grace. Smart, strong, classy, independent. And, marrying a prince wouldn't be the end of the world, either. But, alas, and big sigh, I am a Marilyn. Messy, moody, vulnerable, and easily used. I thought I could change that. become a Grace. But sadly, personality never lies. I will always be a Marilyn. Never a Grace.
Ok, I'm done rambling. Hope some of that made sense. It is really, really freaking early here, and I am loopy from lack of sleep. I hope you are doing well.
Happy Sunday, everyone.
"Hasta La Vista, Baby" - Arnold again

sugarangel

So, this last friday night, my alarm on my tablet went off in the middle of the night, and I couldn't think why in heck I would have set it. Then I remembered that the Friday prior I had taken way too many pills, and was afraid I wouldn't wake up. Scary the things you do when high. Was a real eye opening moment for me. Just wanted to share that.
Really rough day again today. But I'm trying to stay tough. Taking it literally one second at a time. I wish I were stronger.
WWCND? ( What Would Chuck Norris Do?)

"Settle down, Beavis. This is only gonna suck for like a minute or something." - Beavis And Butthead

sugarangel

Well, here I am on day 6. Today is my kryptonite day. The day I always screw up all my efforts. Woke up this morning and felt ok. Thought it might be different this time. Then my hands started shaking, and the sweats started again. And I STILL haven't slept. Everything I do, I do it like multiple times because I'm in such a fog and can't remember anything. This just really blows.
I want to do something but I just have no idea what to do with myself. Tried tv, reading, art, cleaning, walking the dog a ton,games. And I got nada. Zip. Zero. Dog's pretty happy about it, at least.
I have just nothing left.

"If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions." - Jules - Pulp Fiction

"I will fight for you until your heart stops beating.....Can I have some of your popcorn?" - Beavis and Butthead

Dee74

I have faith in you sugarangel you can do this

D