feel worthless
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
feel worthless
An hour ago i got a Facebook message from my BIO Dad saying he is going to Spain for 3 months to see if the weather there will help him
i just think if he well enough for going to Spain He well enough to come and see me its been months since av seen him
yes if he unwell i understand why he not seen us i dont know what to think about this . i don't know if he is tell the the truth or just messing me and my family about
I feel like self injuring over this is it something that i have done to make him like this ?
i want to drink i want to cut and i want to OD but you know what he not worth it
i FEEL WORTHLESS
i just think if he well enough for going to Spain He well enough to come and see me its been months since av seen him
yes if he unwell i understand why he not seen us i dont know what to think about this . i don't know if he is tell the the truth or just messing me and my family about
I feel like self injuring over this is it something that i have done to make him like this ?
i want to drink i want to cut and i want to OD but you know what he not worth it
i FEEL WORTHLESS
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Sorry to hear you're feeling this way Alexx21...do you have a support network you can reach out to aside SR? Do you have healthy strategies you use to manage the urges you are experiencing? It is great that you have reached out here. Please seek support and stay safe x
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
i have my husband with me
he keeps me sober and safe
i have a psych and a dr that i see i was meant to see my psych 2 months ago but she keeps changing the date its the first time am meeting her
unsure what to think maybe am just a waste of time
Sorry i just feel so bad
he keeps me sober and safe
i have a psych and a dr that i see i was meant to see my psych 2 months ago but she keeps changing the date its the first time am meeting her
unsure what to think maybe am just a waste of time
Sorry i just feel so bad
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Hang in there. All feelings pass. Trust me, I know.
We both know that nothing self-destructive that you do will really make you feel better. You may find a momentary relief, but experience shows you and I that afterwards we will feel worse.
There is also nothing you could have done to make your father like he is. If you have that kind of power over other people, I may have to reconsider my atheism and start a cult to worship you. - Don't hold your breath, I'm pretty sure you aren't that powerful.
You're not worthless, you just feel that way. Most of us come into recovery with mommy and daddy issues. I'm still working on mine. I still feel like I was disappointing to my parents at times. However, over time I have started to realize that not everything they did was about me, and that they showed affection the best that they could. Sometimes they just didn't do very well, but it's not my fault.
My worth as a person has nothing to do with what my parents do, and neither does yours. We all come in with a basic lack of self-worth and self-esteem issues, and self-acceptance takes time. Too much time for my tastes, but part of acceptance is accepting that recovery happens slowly.
Using won't make things better, neither will any other way of acting out. You're not a bad person for having those thoughts. You did the right thing by letting other people know.
We both know that nothing self-destructive that you do will really make you feel better. You may find a momentary relief, but experience shows you and I that afterwards we will feel worse.
There is also nothing you could have done to make your father like he is. If you have that kind of power over other people, I may have to reconsider my atheism and start a cult to worship you. - Don't hold your breath, I'm pretty sure you aren't that powerful.
You're not worthless, you just feel that way. Most of us come into recovery with mommy and daddy issues. I'm still working on mine. I still feel like I was disappointing to my parents at times. However, over time I have started to realize that not everything they did was about me, and that they showed affection the best that they could. Sometimes they just didn't do very well, but it's not my fault.
My worth as a person has nothing to do with what my parents do, and neither does yours. We all come in with a basic lack of self-worth and self-esteem issues, and self-acceptance takes time. Too much time for my tastes, but part of acceptance is accepting that recovery happens slowly.
Using won't make things better, neither will any other way of acting out. You're not a bad person for having those thoughts. You did the right thing by letting other people know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Sorry to hear this Ales but I am encouraged you have your hubby, Families can be tough, I know mine is and my better half is one of the kindest people I have met in my life yet her family and often her son treats her like crap so we tend to take the high road and enjoy each other, our dogs and friends and not let it get to us, as hard as it can be at times.
As for the doc......maybe a sign to try someone else
Thoughts are with you
Andrew
As for the doc......maybe a sign to try someone else
Thoughts are with you
Andrew
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
I would also suggest going to recovery meetings locally. It helps to have flesh and blood people who understand what it is like to be you to talk to face to face. If I go to an NA meeting and talk about how I am feeling, people nod in agreement and understanding. If I talk the same way in public, people aren't sure if they should call the authorities. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi Alexx
I'm sorry - sometimes people do thoughtless things...sometimes they do things without considering the impact, or thinking about all the factors.
I don't know whether your dad really needs to go to Spain for his health or not, but I'd try and stop thinking it's something about you.
It's most likely nothing to do with you at all, y'know?
D
I'm sorry - sometimes people do thoughtless things...sometimes they do things without considering the impact, or thinking about all the factors.
I don't know whether your dad really needs to go to Spain for his health or not, but I'd try and stop thinking it's something about you.
It's most likely nothing to do with you at all, y'know?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi Alexx, I had a difficult relationship with my parents, as many addicts do. It will serve no good purpose to blame yourself. Using or cutting will only prolong the hurt and pain you feel. Please don't dwell on the reasons your dad is going away. Maybe there is something else you aren't aware of.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
I am glad you reached out here and that you have your husband.
If a psychiatrist is not able to see you, you may want to look for someone who is available more quickly.
Congrats on your recovery from alcohol. My eating disorder has been my lifelong nemesis. Keep working at it. You will feel better.
If a psychiatrist is not able to see you, you may want to look for someone who is available more quickly.
Congrats on your recovery from alcohol. My eating disorder has been my lifelong nemesis. Keep working at it. You will feel better.
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
my so called father has deleted his face book without telling me he was going to do that
he dont give a ****
so **** him
before i learn about that started doing ed behavour of starving myself
am not going to do that anymore
my mother feels its her fault because he wanted them to get back together with her and she said no
they been apart 38 years and there not married any more
the only person am ever going to be called dad again is my Step Dad who killed himself 5 years ago he raised me when my so called father ******* off
he dont give a ****
so **** him
before i learn about that started doing ed behavour of starving myself
am not going to do that anymore
my mother feels its her fault because he wanted them to get back together with her and she said no
they been apart 38 years and there not married any more
the only person am ever going to be called dad again is my Step Dad who killed himself 5 years ago he raised me when my so called father ******* off
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Part of my recovery was finding a place of acceptance about my parents and different things that happened in my past. As a result I have a lovely, renewed and strong relationship with my sibling and my mother, and I can be much more tolerant of my step-dad. However, there are times that my bio dad can still be a real challenge to me. I'm still trying to find my place of acceptance regarding him, and every time I think I'm there he does or says something else that engages me. Like yours, he is incapable of an hour drive (or agreeing a date for others to go see him) but winges and gripes that no one hoes to see him. But he still manages to go to stay in his apartment in Portugal for months at a time.
The most helpful conversation I had with anyone about this was with a man I know at AA. He asked me "BB. Is he doing anything now that he hasn't done hundreds of times before?" I responded that "No. He's always been just this way....etc." Then he asked "So, why did you think this time he'd be different? " Which of course was a bit of a rhetorical question really, and I was mad at him for saying it at first. But later it made sense to me - when I'd calmed down. That's just who my dad is. He doesn't switch the crap machine on just for me. That is what he does. He IS selfish. It's not a behaviour. It is HIM. And I'll start feeling better once I manage to adjust my expectations to what is realistically going to happen.
Acceptance can keep us sane. And Acceptance isn't about right or wrong. Could do, or should do. It's about life on life's terms. How your bio father is, is how he is. He'll probably be like it til the day he dies, no matter what you or anyone else says or does to change it.
I hope you find some acceptance soon. It's feels lovely when you get some. For me it was like taking off a huge rucksack with spikes on the shoulder straps.
I don't know if you've investigated CoDa at all. Their handbook was massively helpful to me in looking at a lot of the 'family stuff' and some of my less-than-helpful coping strategies which I'd developed over the years.
http://www.coda-uk.org/index.php?page=Edinburgh-Sunday
Wishing you some peace.
The most helpful conversation I had with anyone about this was with a man I know at AA. He asked me "BB. Is he doing anything now that he hasn't done hundreds of times before?" I responded that "No. He's always been just this way....etc." Then he asked "So, why did you think this time he'd be different? " Which of course was a bit of a rhetorical question really, and I was mad at him for saying it at first. But later it made sense to me - when I'd calmed down. That's just who my dad is. He doesn't switch the crap machine on just for me. That is what he does. He IS selfish. It's not a behaviour. It is HIM. And I'll start feeling better once I manage to adjust my expectations to what is realistically going to happen.
Acceptance can keep us sane. And Acceptance isn't about right or wrong. Could do, or should do. It's about life on life's terms. How your bio father is, is how he is. He'll probably be like it til the day he dies, no matter what you or anyone else says or does to change it.
I hope you find some acceptance soon. It's feels lovely when you get some. For me it was like taking off a huge rucksack with spikes on the shoulder straps.
I don't know if you've investigated CoDa at all. Their handbook was massively helpful to me in looking at a lot of the 'family stuff' and some of my less-than-helpful coping strategies which I'd developed over the years.
http://www.coda-uk.org/index.php?page=Edinburgh-Sunday
Wishing you some peace.
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