Recognized that I'm an alcoholic...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 1
Recognized that I'm an alcoholic...
Hey everyone,
Just a warning. This post talks about many triggering topics, alcohol, drugs, abuse, etc. Read onwards at your discretion. Thank you for reading, if you plan to continue.
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I've recently realized that I really, really do have a problem with alcohol. I recently took a 1 week vacation at a bed & breakfast with very nice people. However, the second day I was there, I drank so much that I blacked out. From what I remember, I phoned my parents, drunkenly stumbled around the b&b hosts/guests, and eventually urinated on the floor (CARPET, ugh) of my bedroom... I was so stressed for the remainder of the vacation. Luckily, I managed to clean the carpet a couple of times when the hosts were out. I think most of the smell disappeared, but it could probably still be detected if you smelled closely...... I think this may have been a low point. I'm currently drinking right now. I also ordered a great book called Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.. Great book.
I have also been googling AA meetings, but I am too scared to go to them... I'm only 24 and I'm nearing the end of my nursing program. I don't drink when I'm caring for patients, but I have indulged while attending a few classes. The "senioritis" is really bad.. Almost everyone in my cohort cannot stand attending classes at this point. My best friend saw me at another low point, where I was drinking from a 2-6 of tequila throughout the day, while attending one class and attempting to illegally enter a concert.
I just don't know. I can tell, after phoning my parents the other day, that my mother seems a little worried about my drinking. I was completely loaded that day that I phoned her. I'm only 24 and starting a new, "exciting" but very stressful career. I don't know how I can deal with everything, "becoming an adult" and starting a very stressful career that I don't REALLY enjoy. I would rather live a slower life. Not too slow, but still attend to a career that I enjoy and that still stimulates my mind.
I'm a smart woman... I just feel that I overanalyze everything that I encounter. I've never been in a real relationship. A few dates here and there, but not much. I remember being molested by my step-sister's boyfriend when I was not even 7 years old... Sexually attacked when I was 18, when I unwillingly lost my virginity... I've never had sober sex... There is so much that might contribute to this... I just don't know. I've been on Effexor XR, an antidepressant, for the last 2 months. I don't feel suicidal, but I just find it hard to ponder how I will live a full life, considering that I am relying on alcohol to soothe my problems, that I've never had a real relationship, that I've hardly had any best friends, that I somewhat dislike the career path that I'm steering down.
Being a nurse is satisfying, but it is also very very very very very VERY stressful. It is almost impossible to comprehend the stress of being in nursing without actually being a nurse or having a close one involved in the profession.
I previously could be diagnosed as an alcoholic, about 3-4 years ago, but I cut down after having a couple embarrassing/revealing events. However, the stress of nursing school has brought me back to this evil substance. I've been increasingly reliant on it. I previously abused other drugs, including Ativan (almost arrested after blacking out... if you've ever taken it, you know that you've lost periods of memory), Tylenol #1s (low-dose codeine with acetaminophen) , morphine, and ecstasy. At one point, I was abusing T1s so badly (very low codeine content with high acetaminophen content, at one point, I'd take 10 of them at once, which is pretty much the daily limit of Tylenol, and would then take another 10 later..) that my blood tests showed a damaged liver. However, I think my liver has recovered since then, until now, where I am now drinking alcohol every day.
I don't know what to do, how to feel, and so on. I just don't know. I lack support in my life, with people that understand the difficulties of relying on alcohol. Another step-sister has attended rehab for alcohol, and my step-brother has been in jail related to charges of cocaine possession. We are all very smart individuals. A curse. I still live with my parents, which is good and bad. However, for as long as I've known, they split a bottle of wine every day. I don't know if that is good or bad, as some research states that red wine can benefit the human body, while "relying" on it can also damage it. It is hard to say.
I don't know. How will I live a long and fulfilling life, when I have abused so many substances, however minor they are? ;(
E.
Just a warning. This post talks about many triggering topics, alcohol, drugs, abuse, etc. Read onwards at your discretion. Thank you for reading, if you plan to continue.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I've recently realized that I really, really do have a problem with alcohol. I recently took a 1 week vacation at a bed & breakfast with very nice people. However, the second day I was there, I drank so much that I blacked out. From what I remember, I phoned my parents, drunkenly stumbled around the b&b hosts/guests, and eventually urinated on the floor (CARPET, ugh) of my bedroom... I was so stressed for the remainder of the vacation. Luckily, I managed to clean the carpet a couple of times when the hosts were out. I think most of the smell disappeared, but it could probably still be detected if you smelled closely...... I think this may have been a low point. I'm currently drinking right now. I also ordered a great book called Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.. Great book.
I have also been googling AA meetings, but I am too scared to go to them... I'm only 24 and I'm nearing the end of my nursing program. I don't drink when I'm caring for patients, but I have indulged while attending a few classes. The "senioritis" is really bad.. Almost everyone in my cohort cannot stand attending classes at this point. My best friend saw me at another low point, where I was drinking from a 2-6 of tequila throughout the day, while attending one class and attempting to illegally enter a concert.
I just don't know. I can tell, after phoning my parents the other day, that my mother seems a little worried about my drinking. I was completely loaded that day that I phoned her. I'm only 24 and starting a new, "exciting" but very stressful career. I don't know how I can deal with everything, "becoming an adult" and starting a very stressful career that I don't REALLY enjoy. I would rather live a slower life. Not too slow, but still attend to a career that I enjoy and that still stimulates my mind.
I'm a smart woman... I just feel that I overanalyze everything that I encounter. I've never been in a real relationship. A few dates here and there, but not much. I remember being molested by my step-sister's boyfriend when I was not even 7 years old... Sexually attacked when I was 18, when I unwillingly lost my virginity... I've never had sober sex... There is so much that might contribute to this... I just don't know. I've been on Effexor XR, an antidepressant, for the last 2 months. I don't feel suicidal, but I just find it hard to ponder how I will live a full life, considering that I am relying on alcohol to soothe my problems, that I've never had a real relationship, that I've hardly had any best friends, that I somewhat dislike the career path that I'm steering down.
Being a nurse is satisfying, but it is also very very very very very VERY stressful. It is almost impossible to comprehend the stress of being in nursing without actually being a nurse or having a close one involved in the profession.
I previously could be diagnosed as an alcoholic, about 3-4 years ago, but I cut down after having a couple embarrassing/revealing events. However, the stress of nursing school has brought me back to this evil substance. I've been increasingly reliant on it. I previously abused other drugs, including Ativan (almost arrested after blacking out... if you've ever taken it, you know that you've lost periods of memory), Tylenol #1s (low-dose codeine with acetaminophen) , morphine, and ecstasy. At one point, I was abusing T1s so badly (very low codeine content with high acetaminophen content, at one point, I'd take 10 of them at once, which is pretty much the daily limit of Tylenol, and would then take another 10 later..) that my blood tests showed a damaged liver. However, I think my liver has recovered since then, until now, where I am now drinking alcohol every day.
I don't know what to do, how to feel, and so on. I just don't know. I lack support in my life, with people that understand the difficulties of relying on alcohol. Another step-sister has attended rehab for alcohol, and my step-brother has been in jail related to charges of cocaine possession. We are all very smart individuals. A curse. I still live with my parents, which is good and bad. However, for as long as I've known, they split a bottle of wine every day. I don't know if that is good or bad, as some research states that red wine can benefit the human body, while "relying" on it can also damage it. It is hard to say.
I don't know. How will I live a long and fulfilling life, when I have abused so many substances, however minor they are? ;(
E.
Last edited by eta91; 04-26-2016 at 01:37 PM. Reason: adding
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 137
Well I can tell you this. When you quit all that junk you'll be in much better control of your life and we'll be able to sort things out much much faster and easier. I just hope you don't do something stupid and get a criminal record and not be able to get a job.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome Eta. Your post will resonate with many, and that includes me. Dysfunctional family, sexual abuse, neglect, assault, inability to bond with others, troubled relationships, self esteem issues, feeling life is out of control, following unsatisfying paths in life. Yep.
You are young and it is great that you are recognizing your problem. Now to do something about it. The only way to stop is to stop. If you need help with detox see your dr, look into a detox center. Counseling, group support (AA or Smart for ex), read here and post often.
Alcoholism is progressive. If left untreated it generally gets much worse. The timeline for that depends on the person. Keep drinking and life will get more and more unmanageable.
So glad you're here.
You are young and it is great that you are recognizing your problem. Now to do something about it. The only way to stop is to stop. If you need help with detox see your dr, look into a detox center. Counseling, group support (AA or Smart for ex), read here and post often.
Alcoholism is progressive. If left untreated it generally gets much worse. The timeline for that depends on the person. Keep drinking and life will get more and more unmanageable.
So glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
You are young. You have excellent insight into your alcoholism. You seem motivated to turn your life around. And you are here, at SR. In my book, that means you have a lot of positives to build on.
I invite you to poke around the different forums here and consider whether you are ready to develop and implement a plan for sobriety.
Welcome to the SR family. I am glad you are here with us.
I invite you to poke around the different forums here and consider whether you are ready to develop and implement a plan for sobriety.
Welcome to the SR family. I am glad you are here with us.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome!
Caroline Knapp's book is my all-time favourite.
I really hope that you decide to stop drinking and using drugs. You could quickly lose your license if you were caught under the influence of drugs or alcohol while working. Aside from that, things will worsen for you unless and until you stop. You have a good life ahead of you if you make the decision to be sober.
Caroline Knapp's book is my all-time favourite.
I really hope that you decide to stop drinking and using drugs. You could quickly lose your license if you were caught under the influence of drugs or alcohol while working. Aside from that, things will worsen for you unless and until you stop. You have a good life ahead of you if you make the decision to be sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I'm glad you joined us, Eta. 
I'm sorry for the painful things you've been through. Drinking just makes everything worse & adds more stress in the long run - though we don't realize it at the time. Having a clear head to make decisions & choices is the only way to go. Good to have you with us - there's plenty of encouragement here.
I'm sorry for the painful things you've been through. Drinking just makes everything worse & adds more stress in the long run - though we don't realize it at the time. Having a clear head to make decisions & choices is the only way to go. Good to have you with us - there's plenty of encouragement here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Some really great advice here
The one thing I want to re-iterate is there is life after recovery - and it's a bitter life than out drinking one. All the what ifs and fears and mental roadblocks I put up came to naught in the end.
Therewas a rough period of adjestment but once the smoke cleared, I loved living sober and I love who I am sober.
I'm sure you'll find the same
There's a lot of support here for for that tricky initial period
Why not check out our Class of April support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-15.html
all you have to do to join is post - welcome to SR
D
The one thing I want to re-iterate is there is life after recovery - and it's a bitter life than out drinking one. All the what ifs and fears and mental roadblocks I put up came to naught in the end.
Therewas a rough period of adjestment but once the smoke cleared, I loved living sober and I love who I am sober.
I'm sure you'll find the same
There's a lot of support here for for that tricky initial period
Why not check out our Class of April support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-15.html
all you have to do to join is post - welcome to SR
D
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