Jillian2563

It was saddening to read my journal that I started over a year ago. How could I have realized then I had a problem but still haven't been sober? I'm going to bed sober tonight but afraid that tomorrow I will drink. I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid to be sober because I know I will have to face my emotions. I'm afraid to be sober because I don't know what it's like anymore really. But I'm also afraid of continuing to drink. Afraid my kids are going to hate me when they are adults. Afraid I'm going to die. And so much more.

It's not good enough to just have a plan. It requires the plan to be followed thru, and hard work. I understand this, but have yet to put in the hard work. No one else but me can get myself sober.

Thanks for your support.

Delizadee

You can do it!! I will do it with you
Try to look at the positives.... try out some gratitude before bed or first thing in the morning. Or both! I think we really struggle with seeing and feeling positivity in early sobriety. ... be kind to yourself my friend. it's not all sad! You're on the right side if the grass still so there is so much hope and life for you, for all of us!

At some point we have to accept that the past is behind us and look to today and the possibilities for tomorrow with what we can do today.

FLCamper

1 day sober is better than no days.
Have you ever tried an AA meeting? If what you've been doing isn't working, try a new tactic.

Ruby2

Fear kept me drinking. I had to face that fear. It can be done. It's uncomfortable at first but the longer I stay sober the more comfortable I feel.

Why not try staying sober one day at a time in the beginning? You're sober today. That's great.

I forgot what it was like to draw a sober breath. I forgot that I could have fun without booze. I forgot who I was and what I enjoyed. When I stopped drinking I was afraid to find out but I'm slowly learning. Stick with it.

thomas11

Fear and drinking seem to go hand in hand in some form or another. I can tell you with a certain degree of confidence that with sober time, that fear subsides. Ask some of the folks here that have a long time sober. I believe they would agree.

Nothing worse than living in fear.

Delilah1

We all need to start with Day one. I have had many of them. I am a few days away from four months, and having a plan was key. You can do this!!!

strategery

However, knowing what you know right now can be very powerful for moving forward. You don't have to lose another year to alcohol and can be a year sober at this same time next year.

lifewithoutbooz

Jillian 2563, you are not alone. I can't count how many journals I've started then put away, then opened up a year (or two or three years) later and was amazed that the time had gone by and I was still drinking.

It'll be one day at a time (or for me one hour at a time) but you can do it and I'll do it with you as will others. I saw an interview on TV the other day from years ago with Doris Roberts (Raymond's Mom on Everybody Loves Raymond). She said you have to live in the moment. If you worry about what tomorrow will bring, you'll live in fear of the unknown. If you live in the past you'll be living with regrets. Just live in the moment. Get a plan in place and take the necessary steps to make it work. We can do this!!

ccam1973

Jillian, like Thomas said the fear will subside with sober time under your belt. It does get easier, but you've got to commit. You won't regret this decision, I can promise you that.

Lean on us as much as you can to help you through the tough parts.

LosingmyMisery

I too feared the same fears as you did. I felt frightened and overwhelmed. Your fears were my fears. Your children, show them the sober you. Show them the better you. Facing your fears, your resentments, your emotions will give you strength and will help you grow. It is a process and it can be done. If we can do it so can you. The fear of dying is what forced me into action. I knew if I didn't stop drinking I would die. The fear of dying is an excellent motivator. What do you say? Is it time to put your plan into action? There is a solution and it is yours for the taking. Remember, you are worth enjoying life and doing it sober.

Soberwolf

You won't drink today or tomorrow I have so much faith in your recovery Jillian

You sound like you accept this - build on that x

Jillian2563

I've woken up sober but didn't get good sleep. And I'm already not in a good mood. I have so much hatred in my heart right now because of a lot of things. I don't know how to let it go. I'm mostly mad at myself. I plan to go to the meeting tonight, I just have to make it till then. One day at a time.

Jillian2563

I feel a little better now. I had some "me" time and went to the chiropractor. I guess that was a good stress reliever. Thanks y'all for listening.

ccam1973

Glad you are a little better Jillian. Hang in there, it does get easier. The early days are filled with a ton of different emotions with your body trying to re-adjust.

You're doing great.

Anna

Jillian, it's normal to have strong negative feelings when you stop drinking. And, like you, a lot of my anger was directed toward myself. How could I have allowed this to happen? Have faith that you can handle the emotions without alcohol and that you will find joy in life without alcohol.

You are absolutely right that you have to follow through with your plan.

doggonecarl

Fear doesn't have to be a roadblock. I'm not saying it has to disappear before you can move forward. No, you move forward despite your fear. I'm sure you have examples of having done this before...I know I have.

I was afraid to join the Navy when I graduated high school. But I did. Then I was afraid to get out of the Navy (even though I hated it) because I was afraid of the unknown. But I did. I was afraid to quit my job and enter college. But I did. I was afraid to get married. But I did.

I was also afraid to quit drinking. But I did.

So can you.

Jillian2563

It's amazing what the mind can do to ya. I have worked my butt off (physically) this morning. When lunch time rolled around I was already thinking about drinking this afternoon. Can you believe that? Yes, I'm sure you can. But I have a bunch of stuff to do as well. I've been playing the tape. I can't have just one. What's the point anyway? And I was watching a you tube video the other day and the speaker (forgot his name) said that just one drink a day can mess up sleep cycles making you irritable upon waking. With all the knowledge I have on the negative effects of alcohol, I can't believe I still want to. But I want to be sober. I've decided to enjoy a coke instead.