MikeM

I've sent you a reply back, trying to show you more detail. Until that is sorted out, I will not respond and post any further.

What I will do to close this up for now is post my pm to you here, with the appropriate parts censored:

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You know I have been here before under other usernames and have struggled for a long time. I know this place. And it's become harsher. Not the nurturing, caring place it used to be. So maybe it may not be rule breaking, but it is breaking me. How could some of them come down so hard while I'm in a place where I'm made of glass?

Even for someone in a normal position, it may be off-putting. Over time, something has changed here Dee, people are beginning to get harsh, direct, and the helpfulness and caring is drowning.

I can see this happening and it needs to change. Otherwise I can't be here. They are unable to recognize that in the past week I have turned very fragile and their words shatter me. And they keep insisting that certain things are excuses while I've explained a million times that those particular things aren't. I'm not here to explain it over and over and over and over and over and over again.

I laid it all down in that thread. Exposed the very thing I at first didn't even want to admit to myself. But it is the honest truth and the core of my addiction. They took a hammer to it and said that is was another excuse. And not kindly. Not in a caring, nurturing and supportive way.

When I laid that part of me bare, I exposed the most fragile part of me. A part that should be treated with care. And I explained that. And yet they hammered away anyway. It's as though they don't actually read the full post before they reply. I don't know if that's true, but it seems like it. And that's very dangerous when dealing with people in difficult situations.

************************************************** ********************************. And I urge you to take a closer look at what's going on. Because if it continues, *************. I can't be in a place where people can't see I'm highly vulnerable and then hammer on me.

Delizadee

I really don't mean to come across as picking on you because I relate a lot to your words. It's exactly how my thought process works. Most of the time I want someone to hold my hand and show me how to do this life thing because I feel so utterly incapable.
But I know if I don't put in the work to get the help I need to get and stay sober, ie don't drink today, and tomorrow when I get up, don't drink that day too etc. As soon as I take that first drink all my lies and manipulations take me over and I find it very hard to get sober again.
But it's up to me though. No one can make me take that first drink
No one can make me stop.
You don't need to feel ashamed but I really think you need to be honest with yourself first. I know it's hard!!
Do you have a sponsor?

Delizadee

Nobody is picking on your vulnerabilities Mike.
Everyone here wants to see you healthyand happy and sober. We're pointing out the part of your brain that's telling you that the things that hurt you give you a good reason to drink. And saying that give those hurt parts of you a chance to get better by not drinking.

Delizadee

At some points in our journeys we are going to hear tough love and hard truths.

Ultimately it's up to ourselves to make what we will of whatever is going to come our way in life and in sobriety.

If you really need some really say to day, deep help (which I think you do) I think reaching out to a specialized therapist and or psychiatrist and getting some personalized, one on one long term help would be the best for you.

No one but you can make that decision or process happen though.

ScottFromWI

Several posts have been removed and this thread has been closed.

Let's all keep personal arguments out of the public rooms please.