MikeM

Alright... This is getting worse.

This morning I was supposed to be admitted into the psych ward for evaluation.

And I was there. I saw the dreadful building and got anxious.

Just so you know, I nearly died over 10 years in a place like this. I thought I was over it. Not quite as it turned out.

I tried to get in and, for those who are familiar with the fictional character of vampires, I could not enter. Literally. Everything inside me blocked.

So I ran. I actually did. I caught everyone by surprise and ran.

Then I went panhandling since I didn't have any money. Luckily, or actually not, I was in a bad state so I looked like a bum. And it's actually a pretty good way to get some money fast.

I went home, got beer, called everyone what happened and here I am again. I'm not letting anyone in.

I don't know what to I will end up doing, but I want to get back to that sober place. So I need help. Just not now. I'm trying to get over the memories of my near-death. And I feel horrible.

So that's the story for now. Alcohol can destroy your life in just a few days. Don't go there like I did.

JD

Mike, what would work to get the help you need?

entropy1964

Hey Mike
Its good you are posting. I know you say you are in psychosis but you are definitely lucid enough to make some choices.

When I have a severe PTSD attack I am completely off my rocker. I had a severe one in January. I put lots of food in little sandwich bags all over my front porch. Don't remember doing it, don't know why I did....even weirder, they were in those colored sandwich bags (red, green blue)...I don't own any of those. I smashed a hole in my bathroom wall with a bat. Don't remember doing it, don't know why I did. I finally was lucid enough to call 911...that was after about 3 days I think. They helped me, hospitalized me and brought me back.

If you are a danger to yourself and / or others pls call 911 and let them help you. You can choose at this point but keep drinking and you will lose choice.
You understand your hallucinations at this point. I hope you make the right call. If what you are telling us is accurate, you deserve and need the help.

MikeM

If I can get into the psych ward and let them help me, that would be a good start.

The option still stands. I can go there any time for the next couple of days. So I guess I need to do that.

MikeM

Thanks for sharing this. And I'm sorry for you that you had to go through that. I can relate though.

JD

Sounds like a good plan Mike.

Coldfusion

Mike, I have been in very similar circumstances. I hope you get to the hospital soon so you can get a start on sobriety.

360startstoday

Please go to the hospital. Seriously, this is spiraling out of control dude.

MikeM

I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed.

I've arranged for another attempt to go to the hospital tomorrow. It's the best option and I must do it. The first time failed, but this second chance I will take.

Talk to you... whenever things are sorted out. And thanks for listening and responding.

noneever

Stop ******* around. If you're lucid enough to post here, you're lucid enough to get to a hospital.

I had sympathy for you earlier but now i just think you're taking the ****. Grow up and take responsibility for your choices. Truly psychotic people don't know they are experiencing psychosis. You know exactly what you're doing.

Volshen

Mike,

You are a smart guy .. we've all seen first hand what you can do when you commit yourself to a healthy lifestyle .. and that time you had is not wasted. You learned techniques to staying sober that you can use again.

Go to a hospital, make a phone call to someone who can help you to make the right choices today ... just because you ran away earlier doesn't mean you can't go back. You won't die at the hospital but if you don't get help, unfortunately you will die ... your body can't take the abuse any longer. We all know you want better for yourself.. make a good choice today.

blueberry2015

Whoah I think this is very harsh. Im a survivor of ptsd which is similar to what Mike has described and it can be scary. I really dont feel anyone is in a position to judge. I too have experienced some pretty scary mental health issues where I felt I was going absoultely nuts. It was frightening but able to reach out for support here and Mike needs support right now. The reason I relapsed was due to mental health issues, when the meds no longer work and the drink isnt there it is scary, an increase of meds made me experience flashbacks, crazy and distressing thoughts etc etc. Psychosis or not, lets be a little more supportive.

Please remember that at the end of this screen is a real life person struggling here.

Fabela

I too am a PTSD survivor, and I was a total mess until one person set me straight. Sometimes we need to hear the hard stuff and get real.

blueberry2015

Have you an emergancy plan in place Mike? I think your UK like me if it gets too much and no plan is place call nhs direct or emergency services x

blueberry2015

Fair enough, I remember wanting to run away from a hospital my son was in, the flashbacks were horrendous. If it wernt for him I would of ran. In some respects it did help me face it.

But my point is a little support and understanding wouldnt go a miss. There was no need for the poster to be so aggressive in their post , thats all. I found it quite harsh and upsetting personally.

Im glad Fabela you too have come through ptsd I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy. Im pleased you too are better x

Fabela

Yeah, this is a horrible thing that can take over your life completely. Thankfully there are ways to get through this. I'm happy to hear that you are doing better too.

entropy1964

Easy does it noneever.

Aellyce

Mike, I experienced alcohol- and drug-induced states that very much resembled psychosis even though they weren't true psychosis as I was mostly aware of the disordered thinking and feeling states while they occurred as well as the bizareness. I had versions of true psychotic illnesses run in my family but I never experienced it clean and sober, always under the influence of something. You also seem to have a lot of distorted fears -- something else I can get into drunk or even badly hungover.

It's hard to consistently want out of those states as they can feel rather cozy and interesting from the inside at times, but as you know, it's a distortion and the fears will always come back sooner or later. Like others, I would also suggest that you stop drinking and get professional help. Maybe get professional assistance with stopping drinking. You expressed such intention here multiple times so maybe go for it.

teatreeoil007

Sorry to hear of this distressing experience...

You say you're not going to let anyone in and not going to get sober... "not now".

Oh friend, that is something you DO have some CONTROL OVER...You still have enough consciousness/faculties TO make a decision to get help and to "let" others help you in the best way possible. I'll emphasize the word "let"....LET....because you are in control of that and you are in control of what you "let" happen to you and you are in control of who you "let" help you. You are in control. You've got this....You can do whatever you set your mind and will to do. So, if it's sober you want, you can have it.

But, there may come a time, when you no longer have the 'say' in that matter and others are going to take matters into their own hands, [so to speak] and make these decisions for you...and maybe SUBconsciously that is what you want...you want someone to take the bull by the horns because you feel to weak to so do...it could just be that you are incredibly WEARY and your BRAIN is weary and it needs a rest.

2muchpain

Well Mike, all I can say is that you made a conscience (sp)? decision to pick up some beer and you made a conscience choice to not go to the hospital. Sounds to me like you do know what your doing.
I know someone that is psychotic and she refuses to go to a hospital because as far as she is concerned, what she is seeing and hearing is real and has no problem. John