42 years old & I just found out..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2
42 years old & I just found out..
Hi, New to the forum and basically I'm as the title suggests...42 years old and I just found out i'm an alcoholic. I have caused mayhem wherever I have been and in short I have come here for some inspiration really? I haven't had a drink for 9 days, I don't find it that hard really, in that, I'm full of optimism and enthusiasm so I'm winning hands down!
What will happen though, in a few weeks time i'll have a bad day or feel I should treat myself...then it'll start to hit and then that inner demon will start rationalising that having a drink is fine and I can drink socially...which I can't because I'll drink until i'm drunk and probably then some! I'll lie, I'll sneak alcohol, deceive and so on..
I stopped for 8 months around 10 years ago then kid myself and others that I could control it, but I just got steadily worse and have pretty much made everyone around me live in misery.
Because I can stop drinking for days on end, through working late shifts and night shifts, I considered myself not an alcoholic for years..In fact I am and I need to speak with other people in the same boat..and find out what to do now, how to maintain it...and how do I socialise? what do I do with my time??
Bit of an off load for a first post but what the heck! here I am and this is me.
What will happen though, in a few weeks time i'll have a bad day or feel I should treat myself...then it'll start to hit and then that inner demon will start rationalising that having a drink is fine and I can drink socially...which I can't because I'll drink until i'm drunk and probably then some! I'll lie, I'll sneak alcohol, deceive and so on..
I stopped for 8 months around 10 years ago then kid myself and others that I could control it, but I just got steadily worse and have pretty much made everyone around me live in misery.
Because I can stop drinking for days on end, through working late shifts and night shifts, I considered myself not an alcoholic for years..In fact I am and I need to speak with other people in the same boat..and find out what to do now, how to maintain it...and how do I socialise? what do I do with my time??
Bit of an off load for a first post but what the heck! here I am and this is me.
Just a Girl Trying to Make It...
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 207
Welcome, Kagey! Build your support team, come here often even if you just feel like reading. Reach out always before you pick up, there's a great group of folks here with lots of sobriety and wisdom.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Glad to meet you, Kagey! Reading and posting here will really help - you're never alone.
I was even older when I first acknowledged that I couldn't touch the stuff, or bad things would happen. I had spent a life time trying to drink socially, and really don't remember it ever working. It's so much better to be free of it. You can do it.
Congrats on your 9 days.
I was even older when I first acknowledged that I couldn't touch the stuff, or bad things would happen. I had spent a life time trying to drink socially, and really don't remember it ever working. It's so much better to be free of it. You can do it.
Congrats on your 9 days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2
Thanks I appreciate your quick response!
I have looked online and found 3 AA or addiction support places within 10 minutes of where I live...to be honest I found that out last week but haven't even got round to contacting any of them yet... Hevyn haha yes I thought I was social but in truth I was just 'testiculating'..alot! I have lots of black outs and have done for years, so I don't even know all the offensive things I've said and done?? In fact I reckon I'm only alive and not in some crazy foreign prison by sheer luck more than judgement. I have been a nightmare.
I have looked online and found 3 AA or addiction support places within 10 minutes of where I live...to be honest I found that out last week but haven't even got round to contacting any of them yet... Hevyn haha yes I thought I was social but in truth I was just 'testiculating'..alot! I have lots of black outs and have done for years, so I don't even know all the offensive things I've said and done?? In fact I reckon I'm only alive and not in some crazy foreign prison by sheer luck more than judgement. I have been a nightmare.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome!
I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you know that alcohol is causing problems in your life. It does take some life changes to maintain sobriety, but you will be able to do this.
I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you know that alcohol is causing problems in your life. It does take some life changes to maintain sobriety, but you will be able to do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
And, wow, can I relate. I knew I was an alcoholic for years but couldn't admit it until I was fifty one.
I worked weird shifts and got tired of coming in hungover or drinking on the job.
I could go without drinking for awhile, but got injured and my drinking went off the charts. It became my vocation.
Doing shooters of whiskey at 8am to get things started for the day and then on to endless beers. I won't go into the gory details, but believe me, it gets worse.
You're coming clean about your drinking and that can set you free. You'll meet others here who can relate.
AA saved my ass. I was so afraid to go. But when I did, I met others just like me and nobody judged me. Contrarily, they tried to help.
It took me awhile for it to kick in, but drinking was never the same after attending meetings. Here was an answer to my problem and I ignored it, but it was never the same.
It's been over five years now since alcohol crossed my lips. And I was a bad drunk at the end. And it was the end, life or death.
It's great to have you here. Your post reminded me of how I was and I need that. I'm a long way from having it made. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
I just try and remember that I can have a daily reprieve from alcohol.
And free time? Attend one of those meetings for a start. There's a whole big ole world waiting for you out there. Grab it by the balls and do all the things you've always wanted to do. I've found with sobriety I have freedom and it's great.
Best to you and thanks for your post. I'm glad you found us.
And, wow, can I relate. I knew I was an alcoholic for years but couldn't admit it until I was fifty one.
I worked weird shifts and got tired of coming in hungover or drinking on the job.
I could go without drinking for awhile, but got injured and my drinking went off the charts. It became my vocation.
Doing shooters of whiskey at 8am to get things started for the day and then on to endless beers. I won't go into the gory details, but believe me, it gets worse.
You're coming clean about your drinking and that can set you free. You'll meet others here who can relate.
AA saved my ass. I was so afraid to go. But when I did, I met others just like me and nobody judged me. Contrarily, they tried to help.
It took me awhile for it to kick in, but drinking was never the same after attending meetings. Here was an answer to my problem and I ignored it, but it was never the same.
It's been over five years now since alcohol crossed my lips. And I was a bad drunk at the end. And it was the end, life or death.
It's great to have you here. Your post reminded me of how I was and I need that. I'm a long way from having it made. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
I just try and remember that I can have a daily reprieve from alcohol.
And free time? Attend one of those meetings for a start. There's a whole big ole world waiting for you out there. Grab it by the balls and do all the things you've always wanted to do. I've found with sobriety I have freedom and it's great.
Best to you and thanks for your post. I'm glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
I'm also pleased you're here. You mentioned night shifts. I used to do a lot of those but as I entered my forties they became very hard on the body and I couldn't really cope with them. They also provided me with a lot of opportunities to drink. So as you begin to take stock of your relationship with alcohol, you'll probably want to look at your work pattern too and make some changes for the better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 103
Hi Kagey! I am getting ready to turn 40 soon and just now realized I am an alcoholic too, although I have suspected it off and on since I was 19 or 20. I just thought I was having a good time, so what if I didn't remember how I got home or if I paid my bar tab? Didn't that happen to everyone? I am at 82 days right now. I have slowly been making new friends and learning how to socialize without alcohol. But that has really just recently happened. I definatelty isolated my first month, until I felt comfortable in my new sober skin. I also just started AA, which is nerve racking, but comforting at the same time. My first meeting was a relief to be in the same room with people who understood. I am also tossing around the idea of volunteering somewhere... something I would NEVER have done while drinking, but always wanted to do. It might be a nice way to make new, productive friends.
I also found the AVRT technique to be extremely helpful in the beginning. I truly believe it is what helped me get through the first month without picking up. If I had never read about that technique, I would have convinced myself that one would be okay at some point by now. Also, reading posts here helped alot, even though I have just now started posting myself, I read about others struggles this whole time and it motivated me.
I really related to alot of what u have to say, and I want to let you know that you can do this and does get better. Im still new, but every day is gift now, and I never felt that when drinking. Much love to you.
I also found the AVRT technique to be extremely helpful in the beginning. I truly believe it is what helped me get through the first month without picking up. If I had never read about that technique, I would have convinced myself that one would be okay at some point by now. Also, reading posts here helped alot, even though I have just now started posting myself, I read about others struggles this whole time and it motivated me.
I really related to alot of what u have to say, and I want to let you know that you can do this and does get better. Im still new, but every day is gift now, and I never felt that when drinking. Much love to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 95
Better late than never!
Congrats on realizing something not-so-good about yourself. What you choose to do with that knowledge will determine if you just stay dry or actually choose to lead a sober lifestyle.
I've only been sober 7 1/2 weeks but have seen an example of a dude who is dry but still has a "drunk personality." He is negative, withdrawn, and his vibe is one of anger. A sober life is not just staying away from the booze.
Congrats, btw.
Congrats on realizing something not-so-good about yourself. What you choose to do with that knowledge will determine if you just stay dry or actually choose to lead a sober lifestyle.
I've only been sober 7 1/2 weeks but have seen an example of a dude who is dry but still has a "drunk personality." He is negative, withdrawn, and his vibe is one of anger. A sober life is not just staying away from the booze.
Congrats, btw.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I was 42 as well (44 now). I'm another one who found that AA and the 12-step program was what I needed to keep me sober. I'd really recommend giving your local meetings a go, and sticking close to this forum. The support on here is amazing. I've been on other forums but never found somewhere so supportive as this one.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Welcome Kagey! Happy to have you here. You beat me by a few years, I finally wised up and stopped drinking at 48. I am now 50 and much calmer, happier, and more peaceful.
In terms of socializing, I have come to realize I actually enjoy it more, as I remember everything the next day, I don't talk nearly as loud (haha) and there is no hangovers or regrets. Being really comfortable in a social setting didn't happen overnight, though. Like many things with early sobriety, it took time and patience. But it's all so worth it!
In terms of socializing, I have come to realize I actually enjoy it more, as I remember everything the next day, I don't talk nearly as loud (haha) and there is no hangovers or regrets. Being really comfortable in a social setting didn't happen overnight, though. Like many things with early sobriety, it took time and patience. But it's all so worth it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Your first post is not that long at all! I wrote a book!
Honestly that whole "eh, I'm doing so well, I can handle a glass of wine out with the girls" line of thinking SCARES ME to death because it's done me in so many times, so I completely get where your head is at.
I read where Stephen King once said having one drink is like kissing your cousin - what's the point? Or something like that - yeah. Ugh. Hopefully we'll start to really get into life as it really is without wanting to pick up that "one drink". Congrats on 9 days!!!!!
Honestly that whole "eh, I'm doing so well, I can handle a glass of wine out with the girls" line of thinking SCARES ME to death because it's done me in so many times, so I completely get where your head is at.
I read where Stephen King once said having one drink is like kissing your cousin - what's the point? Or something like that - yeah. Ugh. Hopefully we'll start to really get into life as it really is without wanting to pick up that "one drink". Congrats on 9 days!!!!!
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