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Not Sure Where to Begin

Old 04-18-2016, 09:28 PM
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Not Sure Where to Begin

I am new to this forum and not sure exactly if this will help. I am here because my husband his a functioning alcoholic. The beginning of our relationship was very rocky. Alot of arguments and fighting over his drinking. I felt very lost and alone after being pinned in a corner like a mouse so many days with accusation, rage verbal abuse thrown my way for no apparent reason. I was weak. I thought that the beginning would eventually be the end, but time continued passing.
There is not much abuse any longer, but the drinking still remains. It's now to the point where I just act as if it doesn't exist so that there is no tension between us. I am not sure if ignoring it is the appropriate thing to do. I just got tired of fighting in a battle that I will never win.
He asked me to be supportive because he knows he has a problem. He asked me to acknowledge when he is not drinking rather than always talking about when he is. I started, and do see.changes. Although I am not a selfish person, and care alot about my husband and his disease, I can't help but feeling that my support towards him takes a lot of time away from my own progression. For instance, I am a full time employee and student. On my off days I must study for exams plus get our house in order keeping up with our family (his three kids live with us). My husband can't sit still in the home if he is not drinking. He believes the cure for his drinking is being in nature so he forces us to take driving trips with him disregarding all of our commitments to other things. It causes me to be behind on alot.
We have talked about this before, but it's like he can't help himself. I worry that if I don't participate he may end up over at his friends or at the bar drinking, maybe even start cheating because he is prone to addiction.
I shouldn't have to to hold his hand, but that's what he tells me he needs from me so quite naturally I become fearful if I don't or can't be there.
I want to focus on my happiness. I would like my husband to be apart of it. I would like to be able to travel with friends bringing my husband along and not have to worry about being embarrased of how he acts and smells (he smells of toxins) if he has a drink. Will I ever get my wish? We live in seclusion as well and it's becoming depressing and confusing.
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Old 04-18-2016, 09:36 PM
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Hi and welcome SNeoAllah

I see a lot about what your husband wants and expects, but you have just as much right to insist on your boundaries.

If a relationship is abusive in any way, and no matter if it seems comparatively better now than before, I think you are within your rights to wonder if this is the best life you can possibly give yourself.

I'm sorry for what brings you to SR, but you'll find a lot of support and encouragement here, and in our Family And Friends forums too.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:57 PM
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Welcome SneoAllah
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