Meraviglioso

So one thing out of the way- the big decision about the weddings. I didn't tell my brother yesterday as it was his birthday but he is prepared for it I know, my mother told me that she told him that it might not be a good time for me to travel, be at a part, leave the kids again, etc. I will call him this weekend when we have a quiet moment to talk. I have spoken with my best friend and she is ok with my decision. I think a part of her is also relieved, she didn't want to feel any pressure for anything that might happen, in addition it was her husband-to-be's dream to have a ceremony just the two of them so the less people there the better anyway. She is sad that my visit overall is cancelled but we will see each other in June.

I met with my psychiatrist yesterday. he said I seemed strange and/or angry. I said no, I just feel blah, like nothing. I told him I felt over-medicated, in a haze. We did some therapy for a while, catching up on what happened at rehab, how I feel now, etc. and then we addressed the medication. He cut out one benzo completely. Today I will skip the 12 dose, in 3 days I will skip the afternoon dose, 3 more days I take out the final dose, the morning dose and be off it completely. He said to call if I started to feel strange or had any side effects. Once that is out we'll look at what else we can lower or cut out but he said one thing at a time, slowly, is best.

He also said that some of what I am feeling may be just general abstinence from alcohol. It has been said here many times before that we damage our bodies for so long we have to give them time to recover. I spoke of my memory loss and the feeling like I am a different person, the feeling that I am not as sharp mentally. he said that if a house floods and then all at once the water is drained out only then can we look at we are working with- where the mould damage is, if there are cracks in the foundation, chipping paint, etc. Things we wouldn't have seen when the water was still int there. Same thing here, the active alcoholism covered up these things, only now are they coming out in full force and I have to deal with it. He said hopefully in 4 months I should start to see some improvement with my memory and feel a bit sharper. He said there is always the possibility that permanent damage has been done, but only time will tell. The important thing now is to not go backwards. Keep staying sober and things will improve to the level that they are able to.

So a combination of meds and just dealing with the aftermath of what I put my brian through is what is going on. scary stuff.

Soberwolf

Hey Mera is it the dr saying to skip doses ?

jaynie04

Hi Mera. I think you are making a wise choice. Not attending events, even if they were very important, was crucial to me early on. I think it is a way of establishing the fact that you understand the importance of your sobriety and the gravity of this affliction that we are dealing with.

I think sobriety is progressive just like alcoholism. And I think I have fared well because I was very front end heavy about protecting myself early on. There are so many things I do now that I would not have done in the first 6 months or even year.

I also left rehab feeling pretty drugged up. I wasn't on benzos (because I had grown dependent on them before rehab), but I worked with my doctor over the first few months to adjust my meds and have had the same protocol now for almost three years.

I know your brother and best friend want you around for a long time. I think you are giving them the best gift ever, taking care of yourself so that you can continue to be such a wonderful sister and friend. A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime, you will have years to celebrate their relationships!

Meraviglioso

Yeah, sorry, I am not writing very clearly right now. Basically I am taking 1.5 mg of something and he wants to cut it out entirely. But I take it 3x a day in .5 mg doses. So I'll start by skipping the lunchtime dose, then wait 3 days then take out the afternoon dose, then wait another 3 days and then take out the last morning dosage, I'll them be off it altogether in 9 days. But instead of stopping it all at once he is doing it in .5 drops over 9 days.

Delilah1

Hi Mera,

The water analogy makes a lot of sense. It sounds like you are connecting well with your doctor.

I'm glad you were able to make a decision about the weddings. It will be nice for you to celebrate with your friend when she visits and your brother when you have a little more sober time under your belt.

Hope you have a great day.

❤️ Delilah

Soberwolf

Thanks Mera

sg1970

Hi Mera,

Great choice on the wedding.

As far as the memory, hazy feeling, etc... I went through all of that as well. I honestly thought I had major, permanent damage. At 4-6 months it started to turn around and continued to improve for well over a year. I'm sure I do have some permanent damage but I do not believe it is much. Give it some time and don't let it get to you. Focus on sobriety and let the healing happen.

Dharma33

Hi, Mera-

I am relieved to hear you are putting your sobriety first, and deciding not to take the trip. It sounds as though you have a supportive family and they understand the importance of your sobriety right now.

You are doing great!!! Congrats on your sober time. The fog will lift...as is said
here often, it gets better!

FormerWineGirl

I think a "blah" feeling to some degree is pretty normal in early recovery, even with no meds (although I'm sure benzos magnify the feeling). I certainly felt it prior to the fog gradually lifting.

In terms of the memory and "damage", if it is sutle I think it is sometimes hard to differentiate between damage and the normal aging process. For one such as myself, who drank for a number of years, we were basically aging under the influence. I am older than you (I am 50) but my memory, comprehension, etc. isn't as sharp as when I was 30. Alcohol abuse? Perhaps. Normal aging? Probably. At least that is what I choose to believe. At any rate, I still have my faculties and I am sober! ��

You are a very talented writer, so I can say with a fair amount of certainty that your mental faculties are pretty well intact. And you are sober. Life is good!

2ndhandrose

I second this !!!

I felt pretty blah for 6 months or better after getting sober. I knew it was what I wanted and needed so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I made a decision not to put any expectations on myself for at least the first year.

Nothing worth having is easy. I am at 1 year and 3 1/2 months now and life is exponentially better!

You are doing so great, Mera just keep putting one foot in front of the other, it gets so much better.

Delilah1

Hi Mera,

I was reading through posts and Bill mentioned how well you did with rehab and it made me think about you. Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope things are going well, and that you are adjusting to life at home!

❤️ Delilah

Meraviglioso

Well I wish I could say I was. Better but i am writing grom the hospital where i have been since thursday night. I apparently have a pretty severe case of pnemonia. My boyfried called the ambulance when i started going in and out of consciousness. I am miserable. But I am not drinking and else other that that matter right now. I'll updaye when i can my energy is limited.

Dee74

I'm glad you're being cared for Mera. Get well soon

D

Meraviglioso

Me too, I just thought I was getting a bit of the flu. I cannot believe how painful and scary this is. I just want to be home with my boys.

bemyself

Oh, blossom - what a bummer. Thank the gods your boyfriend was with you, then! We're all thinking of you xx

Soberwolf

Get well soon Mera sending love & hugs

Fabela

Oh no! I hope they kick that pneumonia with antibiotics and that you get well real soon.

Hawkeye13

I'm sending get well wishes Mera

Venecia

Oh, Mera, I am so sorry to hear that you're ill. Glad to know, though, that you're in good medical hands.

It must feel like a kick in the pants to be sick after all you've done to get well. Remember, though, that you're in a much better place than you were not long ago and that the pneumonia will pass.

Here's to a full and speedy recovery so that you're home with your boys as soon as you can be.

firstymer

Thinking good thoughts for you, Mera. Get well soon. We miss you here.