Everydaysabonus

So its day 20 for me today. I have had a lot of inner dialogue over the last few weeks and finally decided that it was time to tell my husband that this sobriety wiĺl be forever.
My husband drinks too much himself and I'm not sure whst I expected from my revelation but what I got was ridicule.
His opinion is that abstinence in an unhealthy attitude towards alcohol (unlike drinking a bottle of wine a night) and that I'm being stupid. He doesn't think I have a problem and that I should moderate.
He is wrong. Deadly wrong.
I have a problem with alcohol. I will always have a problem.
He accused me of being disrespectful to his deceased parent by refusing to do a toast with whisky. I told him i would never do a toast with alcohol again. Cue temper tantrum and childish rage.
All in all this has strengthened my resolve further. I don't want to be like that, arguing with someone while clutching wine.
I know he was projecting his own fears on to me but it saddens me.
I just wanted to get that out.
Thank you for listening xx

Fluffer

Yes, you know he's projecting and just upset that you have upset his apple cart. Still, it's got to hurt. I wish you well in your sober journey.

SweatyHands

I know this stinks because it's your husband, but I can tell you that despite my worst fears of being a social pariah, the vast majority of people don't react like that. Hopefully you can arrive at some peace in your household.

Everydaysabonus

Yes that it very true. Luckily my best friend who i see pretty much daily is teetotal. Not through alcohol abuse, just her culture which helps immensely.

SweatyHands

I'm lucky that my wife rarely drinks, and when she does, she has one drink over the course of about 90 minutes. So her support of my sobriety isn't conflicting with her lifestyle. To my surprise, not only did many of my old drinking buddies support me, but a few of them saw my meltdown as a wake up call for themselves.

peacefulfreedom

You've done the right thing. And I can't comment on the rest of your relationship. I think sometimes to be with someone in a relationship we need to let go of hands to go around some obstacles before joining back up again. That doesn't mean you need to stop walking side by side. Congratulations for Day 20.

Dee74

You've done the research from painful personal experience, and you know what's right for you everydaysabonus

least

I'm sorry he's being so unsupportive and kind of a jerk about it.

Do this for yourself, no matter what he says or does.

Congrats on 20 days sober! Keep going, it gets better.

immri

I'm sorry you got such a poor reaction. I'm glad it strengthened your resolve though, good on you for not giving into his hurtful response.

ALinNS

21 Days is great news and hats off to the hard work. I haven't been in your situation but I know in my own case my sobriety is and will always be the most important thing in my life. I once had a comment in AA, sobriety over personalities and that has been true in many areas of my life.

All the best
Andrew

instant

I admire your courage and resolve. I hope you can make it work for you. The great thing about SR is it is here 24 hours a day.

I know it is early but there will be a need to develop practical strategies for when the going gets tough and he is intoxicated

Everydaysabonus

Thank you. I have some measures in place and will always be open to new ideas. Like many I haven't wanted to drink for a long time I just wasn't ready to break free of the habit and the 'comfort' of that habit. I now see how destructive it really is and has been. I'm not going back there but i'm not expecting an easy ride either. Its going to be tough watching him get progressively worse. I hope that i will set an example and he will follow in my footsteps but if not well, all I can be accountable for is myself and my child.

Everydaysabonus

Yeah it is a crappy reaction and I'm not making excuses for it but we've all said and done hurtful things so I can understand even though i know it is wrong.
I'm not really angry or even upset its just such a shame.
If anything though its made me realise that if i kept drinking, I could end up treating my kid unfairly similarly and holding that kind of anger for no reason and thats the last thing I want.

aasharon90

When I see another sick with this illness,
disease, whether it be family or friend,
I place them in the Hands of my HP -
Higher Power, because I have no control
over them, and quietly say to myself,

But for the Grace of God, my HP of my
own understanding, there goes I.

and continue on my recovery path
or journey listening, learning, absorbing,
apply all I can with knowledge and
helpful, healthier, honest tools to
incorporate in all areas of my life
to achieve the rewards or Promises
as written for us in the Big Book of
AA. Gifts worth living alcohol, poison,
drug free for.

MIRecovery

I admire your strength. Your are on the right path and in your heart you know it. In your husbands heart he knows it as well he is reacting with fear in the form of anger

Everydaysabonus

You just hit the nail on the head. My future is looking brighter each passing day, hopefully he will want a piece of that

Fabela

Anna

As long as you know what you need to do and why, you will be fine. Don't allow your husband's drinking or words to cause you to lose focus. It's possible he will learn from your example.

Everydaysabonus

I won't. Sometimes you just have to walk alone.

Midwest1981

I am proud of you Everydaysabonus. Congrats on 20 days!!