Making amends
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 8
Making amends
It's been a week since I drank. I have no desire to drink. I am still struggling with forgiving myself and making amends with myself. I feel like I have this huge cloud over my head. The last night is still such a blur. I want to reach out to my friend to really apologize but I feel they are still angry. I have not spoken to him since then. I don't know if he will ever speak to me again. I know that by getting this weight off my shoulder it will help tremendously in moving forward with my sobriety and focusing on fixing myself. But I don't know how to reach out. I don't know if I should give it more time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Personally, at one week sober you are not at a point where you are ready to make amends and honestly, if I was a friend you hurt due to drinking and you were only one week sober I would not take it seriously. I am not driving to be rude, I am just trying to say there is a reason in the steps amends isn't step 1.
Focus on you. Whether every friend you have ever known decides to never talk to you again, you still need to just focus on yourself and get sober. You can make new friends but you do not get a second life. Take care of yourself and things will start to fall into place. Go to meetings, counseling, doctors, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that it takes to stay sober and get into recovery.
Good luck!
Focus on you. Whether every friend you have ever known decides to never talk to you again, you still need to just focus on yourself and get sober. You can make new friends but you do not get a second life. Take care of yourself and things will start to fall into place. Go to meetings, counseling, doctors, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that it takes to stay sober and get into recovery.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
if you have not thoroughly and with rigorous honesty worked steps 1 - 8, with a sponsor and possibly more than once, you have no business attempting AMENDS. as drunks, our I'm Sorrys are meaningless......
unless and until we make permanent LIFE changes over TIME, we do not demonstrate to others that we are for real.
give time time. grab a notepad and start writing out your step 1.
unless and until we make permanent LIFE changes over TIME, we do not demonstrate to others that we are for real.
give time time. grab a notepad and start writing out your step 1.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm not in AA but I have made amends to the best of my ability with others and myself. Try to remember that amends is not about making you feel better. It's about apologizing to yourself and others and working on doing the right thing. There is also the possibility that an amends might hurt the person you are talking to. It's important to keep that in mind also. I would wait awhile before attempting to talk to your friend.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The alcoholic sees themselves through the eyes of there intentions the world sees the alcoholic through the eyes of their actions.
For most of us sorry lost it's meaning for the people that care about us a long time ago.
The people in our lives want to see concrete actions that we are taking the steps necessary to quit drinking.
So the question you need to ask yourself is what actions are you going to take. What is your plan for remaining sober?
For most of us sorry lost it's meaning for the people that care about us a long time ago.
The people in our lives want to see concrete actions that we are taking the steps necessary to quit drinking.
So the question you need to ask yourself is what actions are you going to take. What is your plan for remaining sober?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
time.
give it time.
get a solid footing in your sobriety.
if you're doing the 12-step thing, amends come after a whole lot of other work. and there's good reason for that.
if you're not doing it the step-way, there's still very good reason to start with the amends only after you've gotten to a more solid foundation and good self-understanding .
give it time.
get a solid footing in your sobriety.
if you're doing the 12-step thing, amends come after a whole lot of other work. and there's good reason for that.
if you're not doing it the step-way, there's still very good reason to start with the amends only after you've gotten to a more solid foundation and good self-understanding .
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi jaded 
I think actions speak louder than words sometimes. A week usually seems like an eternity to us - especially when we're committed to a massive change - but for others watching it's just a week...y'know?
Give it time - let people see the change in you - and let yourself see where the change takes you - it took me a while to work out who sober me was.
Fences can and will be mended, in time
I know it's hard to leave those things out there and hanging, but I think it was good for me to do that - I was always trying to control things before in my own life and others.... and I was never comfortable not feeling good...but both those things are part of normal peoples lives.
it gave me a real sense of perspective to realise that.
D
I think actions speak louder than words sometimes. A week usually seems like an eternity to us - especially when we're committed to a massive change - but for others watching it's just a week...y'know?
Give it time - let people see the change in you - and let yourself see where the change takes you - it took me a while to work out who sober me was.
Fences can and will be mended, in time
I know it's hard to leave those things out there and hanging, but I think it was good for me to do that - I was always trying to control things before in my own life and others.... and I was never comfortable not feeling good...but both those things are part of normal peoples lives.
it gave me a real sense of perspective to realise that.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 8
Thank you all. I guess I was in a weak spot yesterday. I still have so much guilt and shame because I don't even remember the last phone conversation we had. I just know it was bad. I remember him yelling and me crying. It's been over a a week and I am still trying to piece it together. I am imagining up conversations that likely didn't even happen. I know that even if I do figure it out, it won't change a thing. I have to accept it and forgive myself. I know it wasn't me. I know I won't ever have to feel that way again with drinking out of my life.
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