Need some (a lot) of Encourgement :(
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by Time2Rise 
I'd love to be 49 right now 
But I have to look at the positive; I could be 60 or 61, and that would make my situation even more difficult.
But I have to look at the positive; I could be 60 or 61, and that would make my situation even more difficult.
It's onward and upward, my friend, onward and upward.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Time,
The only really foreign thing I had to do was decide if I wanted to stop drinking alcohol forever, and the resounding mental shout was yes!!!! But how safely at 58?
I had to stop because toward the end of my military career I'd gone from drinking a six pack to a 12 pack after work. Then after retiring at 45 drank like a Saturday. Start at noon, drink about 2 an hour until bed, just keeping a buzz. (2 beers or other drinks an hour from noon to midnight is a case of 24! Duh)
At 57 I retired from my second profession early to drink fulltime because I was waking shaking, and it took three drinks an hour on days off. I found that if I put shots of my wife's scotch in my first coffee I would stop shaking if I didn't spill it (Yes I shook that badly) I was at my bottom and was trapped for that last year shaking on waking and drinking to stop it first thing and sometimes could not keep it down and had to try again until I did. I relapsed daily 365 times. I hated the taste, the enslavement, everything about it and I wanted to stop forever, never again to fool myself into this stupidity. I just did not know where to start.
I had military medical and like my old days active duty, we did not admit to anything that could be construed as weak or mentally unfit. Well I talked to my GP, who was shocked at how much I drank. I guess all the other alkies lied and told him they were addicted to a six pack a night. I saw my health declining and one day called the VA and found they had an in hospital detox for 7 days and I could safely get that head start I so wished for.
I knew it was all I'd need to kick this addiction off my back for good. I was a fool on alcohol. I realized that if I didn't quit soon I would die of it, slow suicide, and I'm not suicidal, or a fool.
I checked in, quit smoking too since I could not while in hospital. I had awful PAWS for six months withdrawing from three packs of smokes a day in addition to well over 30 units of alcohol a day. I came here within a couple of weeks of detox so I could find out if I was normal or if another shoe was going to drop. The detox follow on rehab, which I quit after three days forced me to go to an AA mixed with NA Meeting. I hated it. I was self admitted and told them I'd just stay at the room when they went and they said no, so I quit as I was taking up a bed for another vet who might have no home, and I did. I was determined from before I quit to never drink again forever.
The folks here recommended AA as I was already getting the support of friends and family I told after I checked out. They denied I'd had a problem, that I just needed to cut back.
I had counseling and my doc too on my side so I decided to try AA once more and found a great home group more like me. I stayed with them for three months until the PAWS was easing up some. I'd gotten all I needed from AA. And from then on just came here to SR and my buddies, sober since.
I had my two year younger, non smoker non-overweight, brother drop dead of a massive heart attack one month after I quit at 56! (Your age youngster) I stayed alcohol free and then my same age first cousin dropped dead from another heart attack. He was obese granted, but not a big drinker or smoker. I smoked three packs and guzzled beer 24/7 and here I am?
I don't know how to get this across but I am not deprived at all of anything, least of all alcohol. Once I was detoxed nothing could make me go back to drinking. That would be like serving 20 years in a hard prison then, like in the "Shawshank Redemption" hand myself because I could not stand the change of freedom, and could not go back.
I had no control over alcohol after one drink. I realized though that I have total power over my sobriety once sober and past detox. Only I could decide to drink again and I won't, and don't, not can't. I have total power over my sobriety.
I was physically addicted to alcohol. Not emotionally. Perhaps that is the difference but we share this; "I liked alcohol when it was voluntary. Not so much when it became mandatory."
Remember, life doesn't get better, we do. I am a non drinker, have been for almost six years and could think of nothing that would make me drink to celebrate or deal with sadness. I don't want it. I am not avoiding it. Not afraid to think about how I used to. Don't want to return to old times. In a bar I still order my favorite drink Gin, ginger ale, rocks twist of lime in a tall glass, hold the gin.
See, if I wanted to drink I would. I don't. I already drank my fill and yours too. I've moved on to real life. Why would you want to go back to prison?
Hang in there or hangover.
The only really foreign thing I had to do was decide if I wanted to stop drinking alcohol forever, and the resounding mental shout was yes!!!! But how safely at 58?
I had to stop because toward the end of my military career I'd gone from drinking a six pack to a 12 pack after work. Then after retiring at 45 drank like a Saturday. Start at noon, drink about 2 an hour until bed, just keeping a buzz. (2 beers or other drinks an hour from noon to midnight is a case of 24! Duh)
At 57 I retired from my second profession early to drink fulltime because I was waking shaking, and it took three drinks an hour on days off. I found that if I put shots of my wife's scotch in my first coffee I would stop shaking if I didn't spill it (Yes I shook that badly) I was at my bottom and was trapped for that last year shaking on waking and drinking to stop it first thing and sometimes could not keep it down and had to try again until I did. I relapsed daily 365 times. I hated the taste, the enslavement, everything about it and I wanted to stop forever, never again to fool myself into this stupidity. I just did not know where to start.
I had military medical and like my old days active duty, we did not admit to anything that could be construed as weak or mentally unfit. Well I talked to my GP, who was shocked at how much I drank. I guess all the other alkies lied and told him they were addicted to a six pack a night. I saw my health declining and one day called the VA and found they had an in hospital detox for 7 days and I could safely get that head start I so wished for.
I knew it was all I'd need to kick this addiction off my back for good. I was a fool on alcohol. I realized that if I didn't quit soon I would die of it, slow suicide, and I'm not suicidal, or a fool.
I checked in, quit smoking too since I could not while in hospital. I had awful PAWS for six months withdrawing from three packs of smokes a day in addition to well over 30 units of alcohol a day. I came here within a couple of weeks of detox so I could find out if I was normal or if another shoe was going to drop. The detox follow on rehab, which I quit after three days forced me to go to an AA mixed with NA Meeting. I hated it. I was self admitted and told them I'd just stay at the room when they went and they said no, so I quit as I was taking up a bed for another vet who might have no home, and I did. I was determined from before I quit to never drink again forever.
The folks here recommended AA as I was already getting the support of friends and family I told after I checked out. They denied I'd had a problem, that I just needed to cut back.
I had counseling and my doc too on my side so I decided to try AA once more and found a great home group more like me. I stayed with them for three months until the PAWS was easing up some. I'd gotten all I needed from AA. And from then on just came here to SR and my buddies, sober since.
I had my two year younger, non smoker non-overweight, brother drop dead of a massive heart attack one month after I quit at 56! (Your age youngster) I stayed alcohol free and then my same age first cousin dropped dead from another heart attack. He was obese granted, but not a big drinker or smoker. I smoked three packs and guzzled beer 24/7 and here I am?
I don't know how to get this across but I am not deprived at all of anything, least of all alcohol. Once I was detoxed nothing could make me go back to drinking. That would be like serving 20 years in a hard prison then, like in the "Shawshank Redemption" hand myself because I could not stand the change of freedom, and could not go back.
I had no control over alcohol after one drink. I realized though that I have total power over my sobriety once sober and past detox. Only I could decide to drink again and I won't, and don't, not can't. I have total power over my sobriety.
I was physically addicted to alcohol. Not emotionally. Perhaps that is the difference but we share this; "I liked alcohol when it was voluntary. Not so much when it became mandatory."
Remember, life doesn't get better, we do. I am a non drinker, have been for almost six years and could think of nothing that would make me drink to celebrate or deal with sadness. I don't want it. I am not avoiding it. Not afraid to think about how I used to. Don't want to return to old times. In a bar I still order my favorite drink Gin, ginger ale, rocks twist of lime in a tall glass, hold the gin.
See, if I wanted to drink I would. I don't. I already drank my fill and yours too. I've moved on to real life. Why would you want to go back to prison?
Hang in there or hangover.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Hey Time. We're in the Feb class together.. I too had around 50 days and messed up big this last week. On Day 3 now and still feelin it. Depressed/Can't sleep. It's good u came right back. I wish u nothing but the best and we'll both be back at 50 in no time.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Time, I am 71 and quit for good in August 2014. The first year was tough but it has gotten so much easier. I don't want to ever drink again! Before I quit, I kept trying over and over and over. I felt so down on myself and thought I was hopeless. Instead, I went to see my pdoc and laid out in plain, unvarnished English exactly how much I was drinking and he problems I had quitting. He got me in to see an addiction specialist who recommended I do inpatient rehab or I could do a 3-month intensive outpatient program. I did the IOP and if it had been necessary, I would have done rehab. I also went to AA. I don't agree with it all but but did attend several meetings a week for the first 6 months.
Several things I've learned: whether one calls it a disease or not, addiction is a brain condition. Our addicted brains override our common sense and good intentions. Once I stopped beating myself up over the relapses, I was more open to dealing with the problem. I know with 100% certainty that I cannot ever drink again.
You can do this! Avoiding triggers during early recovery is, IMHO, a wise way to go!
Several things I've learned: whether one calls it a disease or not, addiction is a brain condition. Our addicted brains override our common sense and good intentions. Once I stopped beating myself up over the relapses, I was more open to dealing with the problem. I know with 100% certainty that I cannot ever drink again.
You can do this! Avoiding triggers during early recovery is, IMHO, a wise way to go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by CuteNGayYay
Hey Time. We're in the Feb class together.. I too had around 50 days and messed up big this last week. On Day 3 now and still feelin it. Depressed/Can't sleep. It's good u came right back. I wish u nothing but the best and we'll both be back at 50 in no time.
We can get back on the wagon and support each other. I see the light at the end, but it's far in the distance right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 27
Hi!! Do you normally travel to the same location or do you travel to difference places. I attend a morning meeting in boston and very frequently we have a "visitor " corporate traveler coming into the group. It's really cool people come from all over the world. Maybe you can plan a challenge to hit a meeting in every location you are in during your travels. In no time you will create bonds and actually miss certain groups. Then when traveling back you can report back in sober. Such an authentic way to establish bonds . People in AA really do go out of their way for people that are traveling to ensure they are prepared and not lonely. It's helpful to all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Thank you all for your encouragement and suggestions. I'm feeling a little more optimistic today; although, I'm still feeling a little apprehension about the future, and I'm still shaking my head over the mess I've made of my life. Fortunately, I'm not at rock bottom, and while I have a lot work ahead of me, I can still build a nice life for myself. Still, at my age, I should be looking at a comfortable retirement in a 5 years or so, and now that's not going to happen.
But dwelling on what could have been isn't healthy, so I won't.
But dwelling on what could have been isn't healthy, so I won't.
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