Dee74

Good to see you Rachel.

Sorry you feel bitter though.

do you have any sober mates?
anyone who'd meet you in a cafe rather than a bar?

D

D

blueberry2015

Independence I guess.

noneever

I find it easy to romanticise alcohol at times. But it's like romantising an abusive, toxic ex. The fantasy does not equal reality.

Meraviglioso

I am very guilty of romanticising wine and did so repeatedly in the past. In reality, alcohol is like a lover for some of us and served a purpose in our lives. But we have to focus on the evil it did and what a terrible lover it was. Things are much better sober. Great going on 5 months BB!

Zeroine

Hmmm.... if you associate alcohol with independence then I would say that is romanticising for sure.

I'd suggest breaking this down a bit more. What does independence mean? What else could give you that?

Or is it even a realistic expectation (no responsibility? no restrictions?) Is it a case of needing to work on acceptance?

Zeroine

I think this is about individual people more than about culture.

I'm in the UK. I find that here are plenty of people who live in an alcohol culture, but I never have. None of my friends are drinkers. I've socialised a lot but rarely go inside a bar or pub. Instead I meet friends in coffee shops, ice cream places, cafes and parks. Most hotels I've been to that have a bar also have a separate coffee lounge. If I went to a sauna with friends then afterwards we would head straight for a juice or water.

You might want to keep your friends, but perhaps agree that the time you spend together is in non-drinking environments only. (Even socialising with people from work, who are drinkers, I'll suggest we go out for lunch rather than drinks after work. )

And perhaps find some new friends around non-drinking activities. meetup.com has some groups specifically for sober socialising. There are other groups that are for interests and activities that are nothing to do with alcohol. So the meetups aren't about drinking and the people there are going to be people who have other pastimes.

OneIsTooMuch

Lol! Exact same for me last night except here with a lot more people. Left the hotel pool party when it turned into a drinking party. Did some reading then went to bed.

And you know I really did not want to drink. I actually felt kind of sorry for those folks. We all have to be on the go at about six this morning and I may be the only one in decent shape!!!!

So I don't feel bitter at all, I feel kind of superior!

blueberry2015

This is a good question. I became totally and utterly dependent since my dad died in 2011, I took it very badly and suffered with ptsd, my drinking got the worse it ever got and over them four years it led me here. I was like a child, just couldnt do anything for myself let alone the house or the kids. I guess I am looking to try and regain my independence..... why on earth I think a non alcoholic guiness will do that I havent the foggiest. I suppose because I havent been in control of anything Im looking to regain that back. I feel better, but it im finding it hard to kick myself up the backside and start doing things for myself. Physical things I mean. I rely on my husband for everything and I need to stop that. Things like ME doing the shopping, me doing the household chores etc etc. It sounds ridicolous but I simply couldnt do any of those things and trying to push myself to do them is quite hard. I am sober, there is NO reason why I can't take responsibility in other areas of my life. In a whirl of ptsd and alcoholism I just gave up. I want to change that.

blueberry2015

Everything in my life was overwhelming.... I am better like I said but need to start taking steps now to try and bring back a bit of balance, to be totally dependent on another isnt healthy.

bunnezjp

"As one of the steps leading to relapse."

Just because you keep a "fond" memory of an experience involving drinking does NOT put you on a path to "relapse". I have plenty of memories with alcohol with no intention of picking up ever again, just as I have many fond memories involving ex-boyfriends with whom I know I will never involve myself romantically again. They are only memories, and therefore a part of your personal journey, and nothing more.

This is one of the reasons I quit attending AA; too many old-timers across several of my groups shared this point of view that to recall an experience, any experience involving alcohol, was to step off the path of Sobriety. It's extremely presumptuous. I will keep every fond memory I can hold on to; alcohol, ex's etc.

~Bunnez

SoberLife90

Romanticizing alcohol is thinking about how good a drink would feel without thinking of all the problems that alcohol has caused me in the past. We all know that the first drink will lead down a bad path.