Last night was really hard!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Last night was really hard!
Last night was a really big test for me!
I began my sobriety on my birthday on 8th April and I had a week off work as I knew I would be a complete mess
And I also had a tooth out and was in agony and on codeine for the first 3 days which probably helped the detox a lot.
I just went through it in a haze of feeling really awful and dizzy and not really real - which suited me as it's the feeling of being completely aware that scares me as I have slight anxiety.
So I went back to work yesterday feeling pretty good, no hangover, slept well, no drugs - nothing for the first time in years
I really felt like I had a grip on being sober and was inwardly congratulating myself on being able to do it alone and without too much fuss.
I have hidden my drinking for years now - I drink alone and usually at night when I get in from work until I pass out.
I used to drink socially but always ended up being the one that got completely wasted and said and did inappropriate things , blacked out had sex with strangers, argued, cried and generally humiliated myself.
So I have lost most of my friends and family because of drinking or because of being constantly hungover and not being able to even answer phone calls - canceling every plan that was made ( while drunk of course!) and not being available - most people have given up on me.
So that is the long confused version of why I decided to give up alcohol on my 41st birthday - when I woke up hungover and alone.
So to get to the point - I was on my way home from work and the justifications of why I should have a drink started in my head!
The feeling of having nothing to look forward to when I got in, and how was I possibly going to be able to relax!
What was I going to do?
And the sadness that I couldn't even not drink for 1 week - just confirmed it to me that I might as well get **** faced as I was such a sad excuse for a human being!
Blah Blah Blah!!!!!
So I got in, logged on to SR and read about so many other people that go through exactly the same thing, so much information about why I felt this way and so much support.
I had a couple of cups of herbal tea - which I resented at the beginning of the week, but quite enjoyed.
Then I had an early night - something that I never do!
And woke up this morning after 7 hours of sleep feeling pretty good
I'm just so relieved - but also sad that I will probably feel like this every night for a very long time.
I have got to the point now that I have to change and that's what is keeping me away from opening another bottle.
I'm very sad that I have done this for so long that I don't have any relationships with anybody left.
I am alone - and drink did that!
I don't want it anymore.
Sorry for the long post - it's OK if no one reads it - it just felt good to get it out!
Have a good day everyone
I began my sobriety on my birthday on 8th April and I had a week off work as I knew I would be a complete mess
And I also had a tooth out and was in agony and on codeine for the first 3 days which probably helped the detox a lot.
I just went through it in a haze of feeling really awful and dizzy and not really real - which suited me as it's the feeling of being completely aware that scares me as I have slight anxiety.
So I went back to work yesterday feeling pretty good, no hangover, slept well, no drugs - nothing for the first time in years
I really felt like I had a grip on being sober and was inwardly congratulating myself on being able to do it alone and without too much fuss.
I have hidden my drinking for years now - I drink alone and usually at night when I get in from work until I pass out.
I used to drink socially but always ended up being the one that got completely wasted and said and did inappropriate things , blacked out had sex with strangers, argued, cried and generally humiliated myself.
So I have lost most of my friends and family because of drinking or because of being constantly hungover and not being able to even answer phone calls - canceling every plan that was made ( while drunk of course!) and not being available - most people have given up on me.
So that is the long confused version of why I decided to give up alcohol on my 41st birthday - when I woke up hungover and alone.
So to get to the point - I was on my way home from work and the justifications of why I should have a drink started in my head!
The feeling of having nothing to look forward to when I got in, and how was I possibly going to be able to relax!
What was I going to do?
And the sadness that I couldn't even not drink for 1 week - just confirmed it to me that I might as well get **** faced as I was such a sad excuse for a human being!
Blah Blah Blah!!!!!
So I got in, logged on to SR and read about so many other people that go through exactly the same thing, so much information about why I felt this way and so much support.
I had a couple of cups of herbal tea - which I resented at the beginning of the week, but quite enjoyed.
Then I had an early night - something that I never do!
And woke up this morning after 7 hours of sleep feeling pretty good
I'm just so relieved - but also sad that I will probably feel like this every night for a very long time.
I have got to the point now that I have to change and that's what is keeping me away from opening another bottle.
I'm very sad that I have done this for so long that I don't have any relationships with anybody left.
I am alone - and drink did that!
I don't want it anymore.
Sorry for the long post - it's OK if no one reads it - it just felt good to get it out!
Have a good day everyone
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 64
I just want to congratulate you on your big test last night. Reading your story rang so true for me, those horrible voices in your head telling you to do it but you fought and im glad you feel amazing and proud of yourself cos you should xx
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: London
Posts: 367
Don't apologize for the post, it's a great post. Well done for staying strong! And happy belated birthday. I think it's normal to feel the way you do, I felt sad at the thought of never drinking again, at the end of the day it's like an end of a marriage!! Time heals and as each day goes by, the pain gets less. It's true, keep strong you are doing great ��
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Totally know where you're coming from.
Coming home to empty house.....how you could do that every night without a drink?
Found I could....found I could do other things which I enjoyed.
It's freedom......
Stick with it, good luck
Coming home to empty house.....how you could do that every night without a drink?
Found I could....found I could do other things which I enjoyed.
It's freedom......
Stick with it, good luck
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Your sobriety is a special thing. Protect it.
Don't look at your drinking years as wasted time, there is no point in that.
You never know what would have happened to you if you didn't drink. E.g. hit by a bus....
Look at your life now as new. A new chapter. It starts w getting physically healthy.
Then you get to experience the world from now on through sober eyes. Dealing w everything w a clean brain. It is like learning how to live all over.
We are addicts. The desire to alter our brain w booze will remain for a while.
I get craves after nearly a year clean. I made a sober lifestyle that involves fitness and more commitment to my family.
If you don't have fitness or family, you have to find something you enjoy that you can do during your time awake and not at work. E.g. volunteering, AA, church, hobbies...
Otherwise, you will be miserable and face relapse...then the cycle starts again...
Alcohol is poison. Don't believe the hype.
Don't look at your drinking years as wasted time, there is no point in that.
You never know what would have happened to you if you didn't drink. E.g. hit by a bus....
Look at your life now as new. A new chapter. It starts w getting physically healthy.
Then you get to experience the world from now on through sober eyes. Dealing w everything w a clean brain. It is like learning how to live all over.
We are addicts. The desire to alter our brain w booze will remain for a while.
I get craves after nearly a year clean. I made a sober lifestyle that involves fitness and more commitment to my family.
If you don't have fitness or family, you have to find something you enjoy that you can do during your time awake and not at work. E.g. volunteering, AA, church, hobbies...
Otherwise, you will be miserable and face relapse...then the cycle starts again...
Alcohol is poison. Don't believe the hype.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: liverpool merseyside
Posts: 4
go to meetings I did a meeting every day for 3 years and I am 32 years sober this july. meetings and a sponsor that's what you need .I was never off the phone for 3 years. my sponsor rang me daily, my friends were now other aa members who rang me all the time . my real family did not want to know me and still don't! I love the sober life I got sober at the age of 36 and today is my birthday I am 68 -I still feel 14 of course as we are all immature - .but I am sober and my life was unmitigated **** before I found AA through Samaritans in Liverpool uk I hope you get it 'alcoholics of our type are physically allergic to alcohol and have a mental obsession.' bill w said that and he was right.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: London
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by justjoh 
go to meetings I did a meeting every day for 3 years and I am 32 years sober this july. meetings and a sponsor that's what you need .I was never off the phone for 3 years. my sponsor rang me daily, my friends were now other aa members who rang me all the time . my real family did not want to know me and still don't! I love the sober life I got sober at the age of 36 and today is my birthday I am 68 -I still feel 14 of course as we are all immature - .but I am sober and my life was unmitigated **** before I found AA through Samaritans in Liverpool uk I hope you get it 'alcoholics of our type are physically allergic to alcohol and have a mental obsession.' bill w said that and he was right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Well done on giving up. I am 42, I also used to drink alone and I also come home to an empty house, so we have a few things in common! The evenings alone were a definite trigger for me and I had to work out a plan for dealing with them. I used to just come home and flop on the sofa, watch TV and drink for hours. That was my routine. So I had to change to a new routine and I settled on something really definite and just did not deviate from it. It involved going to the gym straight from work, then buying something healthy for dinner, coming home and making dinner, eating it at my desk, checking out SR and posting instead of watching TV, doing anything BUT flopping on the sofa and turning on the TV ...
I created a new routine, new habits, and did that without deviation for a few weeks.
I've been sober 4 months now - it's still early days - but the new routine has really helped. I can now deviate from it a little, watch TV, sit on the sofa for example, without feeling the need for booze. Herbal tea is great!
As for the relationships, that will improve in time. My friendships are better now - and I feel more fulfilled.
You've made such a great decision. We are still young - there are many great sober years ahead for us
I created a new routine, new habits, and did that without deviation for a few weeks.
I've been sober 4 months now - it's still early days - but the new routine has really helped. I can now deviate from it a little, watch TV, sit on the sofa for example, without feeling the need for booze. Herbal tea is great!
As for the relationships, that will improve in time. My friendships are better now - and I feel more fulfilled.
You've made such a great decision. We are still young - there are many great sober years ahead for us
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
"I used to drink socially but always ended up being the one that got completely wasted and said and did inappropriate things , blacked out had sex with strangers, argued, cried and generally humiliated myself."
You are so not alone here, I was always the worst drunk in a room full of drunks.
It will get better, it will take time, but it will get better.
What a great birthday gift you have given to yourself!!!
You did really well, overforty, SR has your back
You are so not alone here, I was always the worst drunk in a room full of drunks.
It will get better, it will take time, but it will get better.
What a great birthday gift you have given to yourself!!!
You did really well, overforty, SR has your back
Sober since 29th March 2016.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 23
Hey well done! I drank alone at night and during the weekends. On Saturday morning I took the car to go to the grocery..bla bla then at around 11 am I started feeding the "beast" up to Sunday evening..woke up feeling really bad with ugly yellowish eyes...went to work after many coffees.,than back at home and drinking again. Drinking for me was a way to suppress my emotional suffering. I read many books on tibetan buddhism ( Dalai Lama). It is a nice wise philosophy, and started working on my spiritual side, it helped me making the choise. If you are really convinced that an alcohol free life has many advantages, it is still hard. But it works. You can do that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 55
Congratulations for getting through that struggle. I am facing a test this weekend - husband who watches me VERY closely for any sign of drinking, will be going out of town overnight. I will have my "danger zone" time tomorrow (Saturday) morning of having to go to town to get the mail for my job, thus leaving me not only time to go to the store, but also arrive home to an empty house and no one pawing through the bags to see if I bought anything I shouldn't. I have the rest of Saturday covered with activities and a dinner out with my family, but just that small window will leave me an out to "get something for later" that in all honesty I know I'll "need" a few doses of to "get through the day" with my family who are honestly taking me away because they want to watch me and keep from being at home tempted. (they who also watch for the obvious behavior changes and smell of booze that I always think I cover) I am trying to keep my resolve up by reading on here, and enjoying watching my husbands attitude towards me change back some from the angry, disappointed, zero affectionate person he's been lately into more of the fun loving manner we had before. I may be on here a lot this weekend! If I get home early enough Saturday, there is also an Celebrate Recovery service at a local church that I'd like to check out. Have a great weekend everyone!
If I get home early enough Saturday, there is also an Celebrate Recovery service at a local church that I'd like to check out. Have a great weekend everyone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
Well done! What a test and what a great accomplishment.
I also came home, guzzled down cheap wine then went to bed. But not anymore!
Hang in there - it really does get better. And, now that you're not drunk/hungover, you may be more interested in finding other hobbies and activities. You can actually drive in the evenings now with no fear of a DUI.
Thank you, D122y for that visual LOL:
You never know what would have happened to you if you didn't drink. E.g. hit by a bus....
I'm not sure a bus wouldn't have been a better option!
I also came home, guzzled down cheap wine then went to bed. But not anymore!
Hang in there - it really does get better. And, now that you're not drunk/hungover, you may be more interested in finding other hobbies and activities. You can actually drive in the evenings now with no fear of a DUI.
Thank you, D122y for that visual LOL:
You never know what would have happened to you if you didn't drink. E.g. hit by a bus....
I'm not sure a bus wouldn't have been a better option!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Thankyou so much!
So much of what you have all said means a lot to me.
I haven't discussed my drinking with anyone else - and it feels so good to tell the truth!
Telling the truth feels just as good as not having a hangover
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
"If you don't have fitness or family, you have to find something you enjoy that you can do during your time awake and not at work. E.g. volunteering, AA, church, hobbies..."
You're right D122y!
I have to find things I enjoy - but I have only enjoyed getting stoned or drunk since I was 15 years old - I have no idea what I enjoy anymore!
You're right D122y!
I have to find things I enjoy - but I have only enjoyed getting stoned or drunk since I was 15 years old - I have no idea what I enjoy anymore!
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