I miss drinking to be honest
 

I just came up on seven months sobriety a week ago. Life is much better these days. The daily embarrassments, acting wild, putting myself in extreme danger of jails, institutions and death and impending doom of daily life as an active alcoholic are now just a memory.

But I would be lying if I said I didn't miss drinking. I miss the bar scene and partying all the time. But the bar scene is so shallow and fake and not to mention dangerous for an alcoholic. I thought I would meet the woman of my dreams at a bar and some rich guy sitting a few stools over would give me a good job. Sometimes, it seemed like these things were in reach in the bar. But that beautiful girl turned out to be heartless golddigger who was just as sick as I was and that rich guy who promised me that good job never followed through on his drunken promise. It was all lights, camera action and it all wasn't real :test. I was like a rabbit chasing a carrot on a stick.

The world is open to so many possibilities now that it can be overwhelming to think about, so I rarely do that. Ultimately, the drunk lifestyle is what I know. But my life as an alcoholic was far from glamorous. I was a low-bottom low-functioning drunk. I couldn't even hold down a menial job and never had a career. Drinking was my career. The only reason I wasn't homeless was because my mother enabled me to live and drink at her house for years on end as a grown man. I hustled, thieved and did whatever I could to get alcohol.

I know that I can't have one or a "few" drinks ever. I stopped trying to moderate my drinking years ago. If I were to go back out, things would only get worse. But the carefree drunk lifestyle I knew was just me being a big baby not knowing how to grow up except instead of a bottle of milk, it was a bottle of whatever I could get my hands on.

I do not miss those three day hangovers.

I don't miss drinking.

I don't miss those little trembles in my hand when I typed at work.

Stryfe dont listen to your AV your doing excellent

I suppose I miss the idea of drinking occasionally but I don't miss the reality of it.

When you come across these moments can you in your mind focus on the good part of your trip to the bar, and then follow up with the end of the night, the shame, guilt, regret, hangover... that first drink will suck you in the rest will be the same as every other night!! that's why we're all here .. good luck!

this

I think missing your drink/drug of choice once sober, but not actually being impelled to take it, Stryfe (and it's a big leap that you're not doing the 2nd part. My 1st time sober, though I enjoyed booze, involved an 18 month cut-dead stop from Ecstasy, which I loved; and your post triggered a memory of how I would waste more time obsessing over memories and about the drug than when I was taking it. That lasted a good 9 months, so stick to the path you're on - now you've given up the bottle, you can start walking!

Great post, I relate to a lot of it, particularly the illusion of possibility the booze can give. But we all know it's an illusion, the reality is the boozing is daily robbing us of any possibilities apart from becoming a worse drunk and as you point out, staying immature.
Sounds like you're doing really well, growing is really tough especially when we've avoided doing so for so long. We can do this!
xx

I can relate to this too at 5 months today and that lifestyle was I all I ever knew too, however know the problems it caused and will only result in by returning to it no matter how glamorous it may seem and the many years of fun and partying that went with it - the fact is it turned me into someone who looking back now I don't really like, I had no morals / no respect for anyone myself included and was pretty much a complete ass if the truth be known as I always knew best and didn't listen to anyone, believed my own bull and thought I was pretty much untouchable - ha what a clown !!!

I too like you Dreams loved them little fellas, my problem was that I just loved oblivion, no matter what it was I wanted more of it to get as far out of it as possible, spent time in the past where I ditched the Class A's as it was out of hand but always found my way back and yes obsessed about them constantly too - same as what happens now but know there is no return this time to any of it , managed to stay off them for nearly 2 years at one stage but with the ale and weed eventually gave in and went back for another 5 years getting worse with the amounts and eating E's for fun every time we were out - I'm 45 in a couple of months ffs - what on earth was I thinking - finally realised the ale is the biggest issue and the root of all the problems no matter how glamorous it was a lot of the time it will only ever result in a path that is doomed to failure and a miserable existence - certainly not the glamorous one that we're looking back on and missing at times.

Guess it is Euphoric recall and yes I have it quite a lot however as you've already pointed out and we all know life is so much better these days.

Let's keep going because this is definitely the right path and one that we can live a settled life without the never ending chaos.

Congrats on 7 months sober! :scoregood Stay sober and be grateful for your blessings. In time you won't miss drinking anymore. I used to miss it, but now I love my sober life and wouldn't trade it for anything. :)

Congratulations on your seven months as that is quite a milestone.

I was thinking about your post and although I do not crave beer anymore, if I did this is what was suggested in a Detox course, sit down and write ten good things you experienced while drinking and ten negative things. They suggested when we are sober and our mind is clear, which list makes more sense to follow.

What I did do it write ten reasons I enjoy my sobriety and keep it in my wallet, if I have an off or down day I read the list.

All the best
Andrew

It is all an illusion, our fantasy of drinking is never the reality,this is a stumbling block that I need to overcome, congrats on 7 months,thanks for the thread😊

Your post made me think that for me it isn't the drinking I miss as much as the ability to "check-out" or "relax". I'm not very good at relaxing and I'm constantly figuring that one out. Drinking is just bad news. Nothing good ever comes of that.

Im having a day like that today myself, passing thoughts of I feel a bit bored, wish I could have some wine tonight. It says it right there, Im feeling bored = trigger

Good suggestion of making a list of the pros and cons of when you were drinking.

Know that these feelings will pass. Feelings wont kill you, booze will.



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With regard to alcohol, and drugs for that matter, I miss the good times with good people. I miss not having to think when I meet somebody and being effortlessly able to maneuver my way through social intercourse without feeling like a moron. I miss being able to laugh at the drop of a dime.

I don't plan on going back to alcohol or drugs, but I'm gonna lie to myself or to you all and say I like where I'm at right now in life with regard to my personality. I can feel growth and perceive growth. I know I'm on the right path, but I cannot feel it like I could feel things on drugs or alcohol. It's more of a spiritual kind of thing, which is deeper but not as sensation-driven.

I'm trying...but I'd be a liar if I said I don't miss partying. lol

Hope this is helpful for you; it's been helpful for me:

Feel grateful for every single person from your "drinking life" who ever disappointed you.

Be grateful for every single door to a drinking room that closed in your face so you could see and realize other open doors to a much better life of sobriety.

Be grateful for a MEMORY that won't let you forget how yucky you could feel in active addiction.

Be grateful for all those "reality checks" that may not have felt good at the time...

Even be grateful for feelings of regret you may have over things you have done (that you regret). I used to try and escape feelings of regret. But, I realized I was trying to escape in destructive ways. I needed to own the regret, see it for what it was, learn from it and NOT REPEAT the same things that brought me regret in the first place. Dealing with REGRET has been one of the hardest things for me and it can still be a work in progress sometimes...because the reality is I cannot go back and change the things I've already done no matter how hard I try and how much I would like to. The only way I have found to forgive myself for my own regret is to learn the lesson(s) from it and be able to move on with valuable lessons learned.

Yes, some things are hard to feel hard to forget hard to deal with. But we can turn them into gold.

Drinking was the mainstay of my life - when I took that away I really needed to change my life if I didn't want to have this sense of lost, or of a huge void in me.

Apart from not drinking what other changes have you made Stryfe?

D

This post brought to mind a quote I just made my signature, from the book Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy.

"There is no such joy in the tavern as upon the road thereto."

It's all an illusion, and the pleasure is mostly in the anticipation of the act, not the act itself. We all know drinking leads to tragedy.