Soberpotamus

Great job, Bunny. You are taking care of you.

You don't have to put up with anyone calling you names. She was abusive.

You can stay sober without her and don't you forget it.

Steely

So good Bunny. A sponsor should be helping you find your own way, not her's.
I am so impressed that you took the stand, very courageous and holds you in really good stead for the future. Good on you.

AnonSara

Bunny, you have discovered that sponsors are not always as healthy as we assume them to be. You listened to yourself and made a choice you knew to be good for you. Best of luck finding a new sponsor! You are stronger for your choice.

sg1970

How are you today Bunny?

tomsteve

you have absolutely nothing to feel bad, guilty, and shameful for.
what i myself am reading is you experiencing spiritual progress- youre growing and are discovering how you want to be who you want to be and what you wont allow in your life.
2 thumbs up!!!

tomsteve

p.s.

you are NEVER alone.

Obladi

Bunny, just jumping in to say that my reaction to your "headline" was "Good!"

You did the right thing.
I hope you will check in today to let us know how you're doing.

fini

Bunny,
you're doing what you need to to take care of yourself, and i'm relieved that includes saying goodbye to this sponsor.
when you posted in the 12-step forum about your fifth step with her a little while ago, my reaction was "that's abusive and she sounds like a person getting a power-kick out of it all", and i'm ashamed i didn't say that out loud on that thread.

but most importantly, you are following self-preservation direction now.
whether you find a better sponsor (they exist!!!!) or a different way, entirely, you are not alone.

SweatyHands

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but here is what has worked for me: No one program is a perfect fit for me, so I had to find what works. I have taken pieces from Rational Recovery and SMART Recovery that make sense and empower me. I have taken some ideas from Noah Levine's Refuge Recovery book that work for me. And although AA has never really worked for me, I have several friends who are in AA who I speak with often.

For a long time, I listened to the people who told me "You can't pick and choose from recovery programs." But after my last series of relapses, I realized that I need to take charge of my recovery or I'm going to die. And the opinions of other people have no bearing on what is best for me. If AA is what works for you, then that's great. But if you feel that you need something in addition to it, you are the only person who can decide what is appropriate for your recovery.

bemyself

Hi Bunny, have only recently caught up with this story, and I echo everything affirming that others have sent your way.

Also, I echo the notion (put by Sweaty and Carlotta) that - at least in my considered interpretation and how I work now - 'there are no rules that say I must ONLY do AA / the Steps to stay sober'. [to be sure, some members say that overtly or insinuate it, but it ain't true as far as I can tell].

I've finally - after waiting quite a while in between sponsors - started working with a full-on Old Timer (37 year sober, and an elderly chap to boot, in his 80s!). He mainly wants to talk AA stuff of course, but he seems utterly unfazed when I mention stuff that I've learned / am learning from many other recovery resources. That includes SR of course - I keep shamelessly touting it to members and / or people in rehab whenever I get the chance, especially to individuals who've made it clear that they neither want or like AA.

So, just wanted to put that out there as encouragement: we need to help ourselves by utilising as many or as few recovery aids as we feel right for us. And that of course changes throughout our respective journeys.

Hope you're feeling a little better and calmer now, luv.
xx Vic

entropy1964

It is completely normal to change sponsors. Not all relationships work, period. Her reaction is proof positive that you did the right thing. A healthy person would accept your decision and wish you luck.

Maybe this was meant to happen? I know, as a codie, I have a very hard time upholding my boundaries and values. I compromise myself and conform to others needs, even if they are abusive and unhealthy. Part of recovery is learning to say no and walk away from unhealthy situations and people. Kudos to you. You absolutely did the right thing.

Mountainmanbob

There's a time to cut them loose.
A new Sponsor would be recommended.
M-Bob

Ananda

I hope things are looking a bit better today, but it may take some time.

I have many friends in AA and attend on and off. I have chosen other piece meal ways to try and find something that will work to keep me sober more than a year or two.

However I'm really hit by this idea that sponsors should be perfect or that we have to be firing each other .... I've seen it play that way, but honestly (despite not being a dedicated AAer at this point) that has nothing to do with the way the big book looks at sponsorship.

Name calling (especially calling someone a looser, or even insinuating that) is never appropriate.

That said, sponsor's are never perfect, and when I first started in AA we were encouraged to have 2 sponsors...not so we could play one off the other and shop around, but because each will have areas they are not healthy in ... they are human.

A while back I had a sponsor that I told "I don't think we are a good fit and I think we need to not be sponsor sponsee .... her response was "If you are firing me fire me". So I said "Ok ... you are fired". But that wasn't the truth. Firing someone is really different from recognizing something is not working and allowing each other to find other ways. The sort of sponsorship in the program today is often a far cry from what the big book talks about.

Maybe you can just look to find some actual friends in AA who share with you. When I've done well in AA that is what I had. They don't even have to be in AA ... just friends with some concept of spiritual development of some sort.

Sorry if this is inappropriate, but really ... you are going through a lot of pain that doesn't have to be part of the journey (hug).

Nands

tomsteve

'sup,bunny?
how ya doin?