Anyone doing a non 12 step program?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Originally Posted by Bunny211 
SMART, LifeRing, Rational, Therapy and Counseling etc.
I would be interested in hearing your experience.
Thanks so much.
I would be interested in hearing your experience.
Thanks so much.
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
A term like untreated alcoholism only has meaning within the context of 12 step programs. Outside of that context, it simply doesn't make any sense. It would seem that Bunny is asking for helpful remarks outside of that context.
In my experience, there is a huge benefit in 'just staying stopped'. It freed me from the anxiety and shame and depression and misery of constant alcohol consumption. It freed me to begin to put things back into my life that would make it meaningful again. It freed me to hope and dream, and to do things that would realize those hopes and dreams.
This is a post I wrote years ago about my experience. I hope you find it helpful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Best to you, Bunny211.
In my experience, there is a huge benefit in 'just staying stopped'. It freed me from the anxiety and shame and depression and misery of constant alcohol consumption. It freed me to begin to put things back into my life that would make it meaningful again. It freed me to hope and dream, and to do things that would realize those hopes and dreams.
This is a post I wrote years ago about my experience. I hope you find it helpful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Best to you, Bunny211.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
I apologize I should have made it clearer re just staying stopped and yes that is the ultimate aim in recovery , in my case and yes it was AA I was simply a ''dry drunk '' I was a waste of space when drinking and was a waste of space not drinking and I could not blame booze and to me, yes through AA I suffered from, untreated alcoholism, as booze affected my mind my body and my spirit 3 fold illness yes AA .
I wasted 33 years messing about unhappy and feeling miserable drinking and not drinking I am member of one of the forums Bunny mentioned and have been for over 8 years not drinking , it helped but did not give me what in my case I needed, as it in my mind only dealt with the cause , my problem was not only booze but myself so I had to change my outlook my attitude my manner of dealing with things in fact everything about ''me '' was basically wrong , yes AA suggested getting rid of my old ideas ( I can be my own worst enemy at times ) .
Today ''the obsession has been removed '' I am not cured, like everyone else, I am one drink away from a drunk , but today alcohol has no place in my life , alcohol ''was my solution for many years '' to all my troubles man made or circumstantial .
Today I have a life with peace of mind and contentment because I have changed completely , its necessary in my mind to be on a path, something to strive and work towards . for alcoholics of my type change is essential , I did not find a path elsewhere that I felt comfortable with , change is very difficult and that's why to me I denied myself for 33 years, that was an easier softer way, and an out, as I ''could not accept the problem was me '' sobriety to me has to be comfortable , happiness and peace of mind and contentment all without alcohol or mind altering substances , I eventually ''found my path in AA '' that' is my experience , of course I wish Bunny every success in finding whatever she is looking for , easier softer way, Bunny knows what I meant , I am sorry if I came across ''harsh or judgmental or unkind '' I am none of those and I should have thought my post out much better .peace
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
I wasted 33 years messing about unhappy and feeling miserable drinking and not drinking I am member of one of the forums Bunny mentioned and have been for over 8 years not drinking , it helped but did not give me what in my case I needed, as it in my mind only dealt with the cause , my problem was not only booze but myself so I had to change my outlook my attitude my manner of dealing with things in fact everything about ''me '' was basically wrong , yes AA suggested getting rid of my old ideas ( I can be my own worst enemy at times ) .
Today ''the obsession has been removed '' I am not cured, like everyone else, I am one drink away from a drunk , but today alcohol has no place in my life , alcohol ''was my solution for many years '' to all my troubles man made or circumstantial .
Today I have a life with peace of mind and contentment because I have changed completely , its necessary in my mind to be on a path, something to strive and work towards . for alcoholics of my type change is essential , I did not find a path elsewhere that I felt comfortable with , change is very difficult and that's why to me I denied myself for 33 years, that was an easier softer way, and an out, as I ''could not accept the problem was me '' sobriety to me has to be comfortable , happiness and peace of mind and contentment all without alcohol or mind altering substances , I eventually ''found my path in AA '' that' is my experience , of course I wish Bunny every success in finding whatever she is looking for , easier softer way, Bunny knows what I meant , I am sorry if I came across ''harsh or judgmental or unkind '' I am none of those and I should have thought my post out much better .peace
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
I go to a couple AA meetings a week and spend hours posting here, but my wife doesn't work any program at all and I still love her! (We were both serious alcoholics and quit drinking three years ago).
Here is why I go to AA:
Here is why I go to AA:
"Some of the most important brain systems impaired in addiction are those in the prefrontal cortex that regulate social cognition, self-monitoring, moral behavior and other processes that the AA-type approach seems to target." (4 March 2009; Neuroscience: "Rethinking rehab", Jim Schnabel, Nature 458).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
I don't have a specific program I follow. I find support on these boards, with sober friends, etc. I find that I don't think that much about drinking as much if I'm not talking or hearing about it constantly (i.e. AA meetings and such). I'm focusing on other things rather than labeling myself an alcoholic and commiserating about it. At the same time, I am vigilant about staying sober by not putting myself in situations where I'd be tempted. (Yep, not much social life these days, but that's ok for now!)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Bunny, I think many of us here have succeeded using a variety of methods of recovery. For me, it's been books and SR:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I have been using books and SR. I was in counselling for awhile but just recently decided to take a break as I felt it had run its course, for the time being.
I am keeping an open mind and read as much as I can about recovery and recovery methods and I am a believer in "take what you need and leave the rest".
I am keeping an open mind and read as much as I can about recovery and recovery methods and I am a believer in "take what you need and leave the rest".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: richmond, Virginia
Posts: 84
SMART, AVRT, reaquainting myself with things I used to enjoy doing., if course coming to this wonderful place, I don't believe you need to be in a program to be treated, for every day you don't take a drink you are no different than someone in a program, and hey many a person in a program have slipped up just like us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Thanks guys and gals. I contacted a counselor today. My sponsor may be EXTREME when it comes to AA and maybe that is why I am having problems. She dictates everything I do and has rendered me helpless and scared....it's very unhealthy. I feel like I NEED her to stay sober. I want to know that I can do this regardless of what life throws in my path.
I've also started to see how twisted her sponsorship is. When I read my fifth step with her she would not allow me to have a drink of water or go to the bathroom. She told me my "comfort seeking" was out of control and that I might need to wear a hair shirt (cilice - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cilice) to make me uncomfortable so I could not "Seek comfort" and therefore get closer to God. I was crying and telling her how confused I was with her directions and she offered to A)Buy me a drink or B)Help me plan my suicide. No, I am not lying.
So yeah, little disenchanted and afraid of AA right now.
I've also started to see how twisted her sponsorship is. When I read my fifth step with her she would not allow me to have a drink of water or go to the bathroom. She told me my "comfort seeking" was out of control and that I might need to wear a hair shirt (cilice - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cilice) to make me uncomfortable so I could not "Seek comfort" and therefore get closer to God. I was crying and telling her how confused I was with her directions and she offered to A)Buy me a drink or B)Help me plan my suicide. No, I am not lying.
So yeah, little disenchanted and afraid of AA right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Bunny seriously wtf , your sponsor has not been restored to sanity , she is absolutely nuts get that into your head just sack her right now , you do not deserve this treatment whilst trying your best in the AA program , I know I have been quite hard with you once or twice but meaning well with your best interests at heart . Bunny some people are that heavenly ''they are no f****ing earthly use to anybody '' chase her for her life and tell her to ''get a sponsor '' asap , lots of love in AA , YOU DO NOT NEED HER get that straight in your head . ps you can post privately to me anytime if you want to .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I have been to a few AA meetings and been to the website at least 1000 times in the last year.
Learned how to stay sober here. Making a sober plan, a sober lifestyle. As happy a sober lifestyle as possible given our situations.
AA is always there. They are a team of people interested in staying sober and happy vs just sober vs drunk etc. They follow a syllabus, the BB, to keep the sober flowing.
A key to staying sober is being happy and sober. Among other things, AA has that.
The AV trys to get us to drink because we remember the euphoria. We get to a point of sober unhappiness where we dont care about the repercussions, at least prior to the outcome of the relapse.
I'm sober because i had long term mild to moderate anxiety when i quit. I never want that again.
Until i realised the brain damage i was doing to myself, i was on my way to unrecoverabe permanent obvious brain damage.
At this point, nobdy can tell how jacked up i was. I plan to keep it that way.
I am an addict. I got through the physical, now i am dealing w the mental state. As long as i don't relapse, i am an ex addict.
Not as clear as possible, but this is my way of staying sober.
Learned how to stay sober here. Making a sober plan, a sober lifestyle. As happy a sober lifestyle as possible given our situations.
AA is always there. They are a team of people interested in staying sober and happy vs just sober vs drunk etc. They follow a syllabus, the BB, to keep the sober flowing.
A key to staying sober is being happy and sober. Among other things, AA has that.
The AV trys to get us to drink because we remember the euphoria. We get to a point of sober unhappiness where we dont care about the repercussions, at least prior to the outcome of the relapse.
I'm sober because i had long term mild to moderate anxiety when i quit. I never want that again.
Until i realised the brain damage i was doing to myself, i was on my way to unrecoverabe permanent obvious brain damage.
At this point, nobdy can tell how jacked up i was. I plan to keep it that way.
I am an addict. I got through the physical, now i am dealing w the mental state. As long as i don't relapse, i am an ex addict.
Not as clear as possible, but this is my way of staying sober.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Bunny211
She told me my "comfort seeking" was out of control and that I might need to wear a hair shirt to make me uncomfortable so I could not "Seek comfort" and therefore get closer to God. she offered to A)Buy me a drink or B)Help me plan my suicide.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I was in AA (and worked the steps) my first two years.
I found that mindfulness and the Buddhist based Refuge Recovery was a better fit for me.
Look around SR there are many people who do not use AA but have achieved quality long term sobriety.
When it comes to recovery, I don't buy into the fallacy of the "easier, softer, way." This is a case of contempt prior to investigation and a way to imply that people who don't attend AA are not serious about their recovery and are bound to drink again.
I do not buy into the fear based gloom and doom predictions that if you quit going to AA meetings, you will either relapse or you will be an horrible crazy dry drunk (a bit like your sponsor who would not let you pee and offered to buy you a drink or help you plan your suicide...that's nuts).
Just check your motives for leaving and explore other avenues.
Quite a few people at refuge started in AA or still attend both fellowships same with Women For Sobriety and for SMART and Lifering (I have not attended those last two). Membership is not exclusive so it is not either or....attend a few different programs and see how you feel and if it clicks with you.
I found that mindfulness and the Buddhist based Refuge Recovery was a better fit for me.
Look around SR there are many people who do not use AA but have achieved quality long term sobriety.
When it comes to recovery, I don't buy into the fallacy of the "easier, softer, way." This is a case of contempt prior to investigation and a way to imply that people who don't attend AA are not serious about their recovery and are bound to drink again.
I do not buy into the fear based gloom and doom predictions that if you quit going to AA meetings, you will either relapse or you will be an horrible crazy dry drunk (a bit like your sponsor who would not let you pee and offered to buy you a drink or help you plan your suicide...that's nuts).
Just check your motives for leaving and explore other avenues.
Quite a few people at refuge started in AA or still attend both fellowships same with Women For Sobriety and for SMART and Lifering (I have not attended those last two). Membership is not exclusive so it is not either or....attend a few different programs and see how you feel and if it clicks with you.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Drop her like a hot rock, Bunny. That's abuse. You deserve much better.
If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it
Is someone offering to buy a sober alcoholic a drink or help them plan their suicide a mentally sound person and someone who has something you want?
Like Freshstart says, this is criminal behavior and right now, there is a young woman on trial for egging on her depressed boyfriend to commit suicide
Massachusetts teen charged with encouraging her boyfriend to commit suicide | Fox News
You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness and dignity. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'm not using any defined program of any type but rather a holistic/lifestyle approach. Its not like I've become a naturo-path or health nut per-say, but rather I have done a bit more research on the effects of alcohol on the human body and brain. I've learned that it has no benefits to our health and longevity what so ever. Of course this is obvious for a normal person to understand, but for someone who liked to drink a lot, it reinforces my decision. It has a (debatable) single purpose, a temporary mind altering substance/intoxicant.
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