Hello
 

Good day/evening to you all.

I'm 34 and new here, living in London where alcohol practically fuels everything that happens.

My situation: decent job, more to come on that front, partner away with work every week Mon to Thurs, no family nearby, have managed to be sober for 26 days. I'm sat here with my first beer for nearly 4 weeks, in a pub. People around me are doing shots.

The rational thought process (or not): it's only one pint, 3.5%, the lowest they had on the bar. I'm enjoying company of others that at home just isn't there. I'm not getting plastered like them on a Monday.

But my god, it could easily happen. I have been known to get through up to 14 beers in a night and somehow I still manage to crawl into work when when I fall asleep on the train home and have to walk back to my town for 5 hours down mostly unlit roads not knowing which direction I'm heading in. I'm thinking thank god the pub closes in one hour. I'm also applauding my decision to never ever again keep alcohol in the house.

Sigh. I guess life goes on and I try again tomorrow. Thank you for reading my post and I hope everyone is well.

Welcome! and please keep in touch. One day you might read the one thing that will click and you'll decide to stop for good.

Thank you for the welcome :) I hope so too. I've been lurking, reading people's posts at great length. Lots of inspiration and fantastic stories. Just have no idea what to fill my life with sometimes!

Welcome!

I don't ever keep alcohol in the house either and, I've never regretted it.

I hope you decide to stop drinking for good.

Hello there (hug)

Some of us don't make it on the first attempt, so hang in there!

The problem with alcohol (if you are like me) is that it's never just one ..... I sit and fight and then .... well just one.... but it never is ... its more.

The scary part is that there might not be a tomorrow. I know that may sound crazy to you right now, but it is true.

Even without alcohol in your house, if you are walking 5 hours???? to get home .... The possibility of your being in danger from so many things is so large!

I really do struggle with this as you are. I'm only a little time sober this time... but really realizing the consequences we may have and then being able to push forward to something different is very hard.

I've been to places I never thought I would be and I hope you won't go there. I kinda think that us alkies tend to think it won't be or get that bad .... the reality is you will sink to lower places than you ever thought you would if you continue to drink.

The bright side is that there is hope. If you can make a determination to stay sober. If you build a support system. If you seek help for all your problems (drinking, trauma, mental health issues, physical problems) You do have a chance. So many of the people here have done it. If you failed to meet your goal today, it doesn't mean you can't do this! And it doesn't mean you are a failure.

I still hold fast to something I heard 20 years ago ... a winner is a loser who never stops trying. It's not an excuse! Its that you always get back up and put your whole effort into things again.

:Val004:

I will be thinking of you tonight!

Wow, thank you for your wonderful reply. Yes the walks home are full of danger, but you don't think of that prospect when you are detached from reality through drink. It's really the most awful thing. I could get run over or attacked quite easily and have no recollection of what happened. Or worse.

I agree it is never just one. Or two. The sober me is nice, friendly, successful and I hope a pleasure to be around. The other me can be a complete idiot and fool.

But that feeling that being in a pub or bar gives and the beer. But what good comes of it? Yet I still do it. It's impossible :/

I guess I'm still going through the stage where I think willpower is enough. To go to the doc to me seems pointless as they don't seem to know very much. Doctors almost did permanent harm to my mum by making mistakes so my trust of them is very low.

I am truly appreciative of your reply though, thank you :)

Thank you Anna, I hope so too. Lots in the head to work through. This substance has been a prop to me for far too long. Or so I think/thought, can't decide which :/

Welcome, and thanks for posting!

Isn't it funny how alcohol can make you rationalize the craziest things?! Things you know are horrible ideas suddenly seem perfectly normal and logical once you've taken that drink. It's dangerous, and it's only a matter of time until our luck runs out.

I too am perfectly pleasant (for the most part!) when I'm sober. I'm a HOOT when I'm drunk... unless you're my husband! Then I'm the meanest, most cruel person on the face of the earth. And even if I'm not mean to you when I'm drunk, my fun is extremely limited because I'm going to drink until I black out, pass out, or throw up and how fun is THAT?

And yet I still want to do it.

I know how you feel. Welcome. Try to be kind to yourself. Post here if you need support.

Welcome back Huffington :)

I think you have to get to the point where any idea to drink is a bad one. I had to accept that I had no control over my drinking. I might stop at one, or I could drink the next week away. The decision was never really in my hands.

The other thing I needed to remember was it's the first drink that starts the madness - it's the first drink that's the problem, not the last.

D

How in the world can people get plastered on a Monday night?

It's so good to see you, Huffington. I'm glad you've decided to take a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life.

I was always going to be careful - only have a few & not get carried away. It never worked out that way - ever. Once the first sips were in my system, all my plans of moderating were out the window. I put myself in danger so many times. I never knew where my drinking was going to take me. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. After I got over being sorry for myself & resentful, it felt wonderful to be free. We're happy you're here.

Welcome Huffington

I continued to drink, despite the negative consequences, until I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.