meangirl66

Hi I'm k 49 mom of two boys, married, having a hard time lately, slip, sober, slip sober, my husband has stood by me but I feel he hates me, I easily annoy him and his tolerance for me is low. I have made such a mess of my life, damaged my marriage and children's lives, I feel it's irreparable, I can't stand myself and feel so alone and empty, I just want to cry, I have a sponsor, pray, and just feel like my higher power has washed his hands if me, any uplifting thoughts appreciated, I can't stand even myself 😢

SolidKarma

I can feel the heaviness weighing on your heart from the words you write.

I heard a woman share at a meeting about her history, and she had two kids, wanted nothing more than to be a mother. But once her drinking got so bad, she was not even able to support her children. Looking back what made her finally quit was the realization that the desire to drink was stronger than her love for her children.

It's such a powerful addiction, but if you can get sick of your sickness, you have hope girl!

Good luck today.

Lauraxxx

Please don't get upset, everyone makes mistakes and relapses. I can't count the times I have don't the same. I also hate myself I'm on day 3 and just hope this time I do it. My partner works so hard and I don't do anything really I feel like he is close to having enough and that scares me which is why I need to quit. I want a better life and I'm sure you feel the same for your family. Have you spoken to your partner? Keep talking on here it will help and everyone is so supporting xx

Saskia

How much help and support have you gotten? I kept on relapsing until i got really serious and attended an IOP - intensive outpatient program, AA, psychotherapy, etc. if what you are doing isn't working, find other tools to add! Rehab is another good option.

OldTomato

I know saying "it gets better" is overused and cliched but it really does get better. I felt hopeless and couldn't make my recovery stick in the early days either. The addicted part of your brain will be listing out reasons why you should give up on recovery and pick up again.

Having a plan and sticking to it is really useful in early recovery - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

If I ever find myself really wanting a drink I think "I'll stay sober for the next hour." I find the craving has passed by then and they're becoming far less frequent as time goes by.

doggonecarl

You've been struggling a while to get sober. Not sure what you've been doing to get sober or what support you are willing to try (I'm thinking AA). But can you at least commit to reading and posting to SR every day?

yinzer

Have you talked to a therapist? Sometimes we just drink to mask deeper problems. Your life is not irreparable, it's not an easy ride, but it's well worth it.
Methinks finding a good counselor would be an important tool to have in your box along with the other things you are doing.
Many hugs to you, dear!

advbike

You're getting excellent advice. Ramp up your plan until it works, learn to identify what triggers you to take a drink, and either change your thinking, or avoid those things.

I was a regular relapser until I sought help from a therapist who specializes in addiction, and used this board for support.

Soberwolf

I felt what you said & all I can say is you can do it make full use of the support available to you & keep trying

Your not alone if you don't want to be x

Kelly12390

Sending love. Think as positive as you can and time makes things easier. For me it did, I was so full of hate, shame. I felt I didn't deserve to breathe the same air as everyone else and I stayed sober for long enough for that to subside. And right now I feel like you do too but I'm hanging on because I know that horrible feeling lifts. Hang in there with me, I promise things can get better.

Anna

I'm sorry you're struggling. Is there something that you can add to your day, to your plan that would help you? I was full of self-loathing when I stopped drinking and what helped me a lot was volunteer work. It was something that got me outside of myself and I made some amazing friends.

zlhzlh

Mean girl66, it will get better. This time 6 months ago I could have written your post. I promise you, he will forgive you and trust you again and so will the kids if you show them you are serious about changing your life. Don't wait till you have lost them. Stop now stop for good and start getting your life back x

Dee74

Hi mean girl

really plugging myself into this community - posting daily - maybe even posting to a group like the Class of April support thread, really helped me.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html

It keep my goal in my mind and gave me a place to go for help 24/7.

SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too

D

meangirl66

Thanks everyone for your support, tough times,
Lately! I'd be devastated to lose it all for a drink, it's so
Hard to make non alcoholics understand, it's not
A moral decision to make the choice and live in
Such despair, I will take all your advice, and move on
I am such a negative person, I've lost a lot
In my journey, tonight I read your support and am
So thankful