Dee74

This is the newcomers forum....
It's meant to be a welcome, safe, nurturing place.

And it is...for the most part. I want to thank everyone for that

Just lately tho I've been dismayed by some of the responses some members are getting - sometimes it's like Fight Club out there.

I remember what it was like for me when I first came here - I was scared, I was skittish, and I was downplaying my problems like mad and acting ultra-cool.

I'm really glad the people who responded to me realised all that and didn't smack me into next week.

Straight talking is great but I think we can all get some empathy and compassion in there too.

After all, if we drive people away from a place of help and support, are we really helping?

D

_______

Anna

Those are my feelings exactly, Dee.

I still remember how incredibly vulnerable I felt and my self-esteem was so very low that I couldn't have managed to hear negative comments.

I think it's good to keep in mind what the intention is when we post to someone.

Jsbodhi

I agree, I withdraw in general when people are even a bit harsh with me, I would never have returned again if people were at all rough with me.
Xoxo
Welcome new people

PurpleKnight

I'm with you Dee . . .

I once darkened SRs doors and disappeared for a year, and my first experience from the responses I got made SR top of the list to reach out to once again when I was ready and accepting.

Who knows where someone may be or when they may finally reach out and make that permanent change to their life . . . SR should still be there with doors wide open to accept them back, and make them feel comfortable to do so based on their experience here!!

ICanDoBetter

Thanks, Dee. I'm relatively new but have noticed what you mean of late. I think it's not unlike other social media outlets but here we ultimately have the benefits of mods who can make sure it remains a safe place for all.

We all have to be able to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and sympathize or empathize with his or her perspective and experience. And at the times when we can't or simply don't get it, that's okay as well as long as however we express that through comment or lack thereof is done in a respectful way.

Upward2Enlightenment

I agree Dee.

Opivotal

I agree, Dee! When I joined SR, I never expected the kindness and compassion the members gave me.

It changed my life.

daisy1

I'm so glad this has been said, as I for one am very wobbly at times and if someone gave me even a slight hard time i would run a mile, as it's currently my lifeline X

Flawed

daisy1, well said! When we first come here (or come back) we are licking our wounds, no need to have to be scared that more wounds will get inflicted when our self esteem is already in the gutter and down the storm drain at that point. Thanks for that post, Dee. It hasn't happened to me personally, but I have seen it happen especially as of late and it does keep me from posting sometimes and being more active in a community that I need.

Hevyn

Absolutely, Dee. I was so sick, so fragile & defensive - if I'd felt judged or attacked, I'd have left & never returned. For me that would've been tragic, since SR helped me rebuild my life.

BlissWithin

I like the movie reference!

"The first rule of Sober Recovery is you don't talk about Sober Recovery"

Dee74

but we want people to talk about SR

D

Thumpalumpacus

One thing very important to my recovery is the idea of not taking the inventory of others.

In the past, I was a smug and sometimes sarcastic SoB, proud of my ability to "tell it like it is." Of course honesty is a core value, but it needn't be practiced in a hurtful manner. There's an art to speaking the truth in a manner that doesn't cut.

We're all addicts who have all hit our own bottom. The last thing we should ever practice is kicking someone when they're down.

lovetolisten

love this. There is so much self-loathing when you are on and off the drinking rollercoaster. When you are hard on yourself, it doesn't help to feel "kicked" while you are down. I have had so much kindness and encouragement... I plan to "pay it forward" when I have 10, 15, 20 years of sobriety and become the American Dee

lynnmarie123

Such a great post. Thanks for that, Dee.

I agree with everyone, we are so fragile in the early days.
My emotions are all over the place. I am easily offended and often short fused. But I learned that my brain is damaged from all the drinking and that erratic behavior can sometimes happen.
This is just my observation, but it may explain the happenings of late.
But it doesn't excuse them.
Go lightly, go gently.

Dee74

I'd hate for my remarks to be seen as an admonishment - it was my attempt at a reminder, if anything

We're all on the same team here.

D

Thumpalumpacus

It's a healthy reminder and healthy conversation, brotha. Especially in recovery, a little humility can go a long way. I know I can use the thought.

Delizadee

Addiction, disorders, mental health issues among any number of other things...
There is so much shame, guilt, and stigma attached to these labels. We cannot bridge a gap in society by finding the differences. We have to shine the light on it, and be willing to be a beacon of hope for someone when they can't, to douse it with empathy and compassion to give hopeless people strength to find help. We have to start finding the similarities.

I really do think addiction flourishes in darkness. We isolate through the shame and guilt we feel and often fall deeper.

SR has and probably always be a beacon and a lifeline for me. It not only shines a light on all the dark places I was too afraid to look at but it remains the beacon I will always strive towards even when things seem dark and grim without hope.

Because I know when I come here

I am not alone.

I am not a failure.

No matter how many times I fall.... somebody will give me a hand up.

Cheer me on.

Remind me the way.

That we are all worth it, of value, and have so much to give.

Some will help me put necessary blinders on to stay plodding the course, others may try and show me their way is better.

Whatever the case... we're all valuable here. We all make a difference. A kind word goes a long way. It can mean the difference between life and death for some people... I know. I have been there too many times to count.

I have a home here... as do any of you reading this, new or old.

We're in this together.

SR saves lives.

And I thank all the newcomers and long timers and mods for that.

Delizadee

Oops. And every one in between. I love you all and think this place is wonderful. It makes me happy to see newcomers and to see people coming back no matter what.

immri

I was re-reading some of my first posts today, and even though I'm back to day 7 I'm in such a different place than I was back then. Now I can handle the hard truths, but honestly back then one bit of criticism or implication that I was being weak by expressing my struggles or not having it all figured out already (HOW would we when we first come here?!) and I would have ran away and never come back.
its rough at first, especially when we haven't spoken about it ever before.

I'm blabbering, but what i'm trying to say is, I agree. I've noticed some harshness that has made me uneasy lately. The kindness and understanding I found here has continued to save my life, no question. it's important other newbies get to experience that too.