What are common causes of relapse?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 113
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Alcoholism. Relapse is not a discrete experience; it is part of the affliction, and not part of recovery.
Lying to ourselves is a very easy thing to do. Though there may not be any obvious consequences in some cases, we will forever be tainted with the burden of living in bad faith. And guilt cries out for punishment. We all know that denial is a formidable obstacle in terms of getting and then staying sober. So powerful that despite destruction in the extreme to personal health, livelihood, and important relationships, we continue to drink. We minimize problems at home, at work, and with our finances. And we dare not make a trip to the doctor, though we may end up in the ER without our consent. None of us likes to think that we're in imminent danger, or at risk for self-destruction over time, so we accept the fantasy that it's not as bad as it could be because -- and this is the good news -- it could, in reality, be worse. Much worse.
I believe that we all know, or are capable of knowing, much more about ourselves than we let on. Again, as a matter of denial, we rarely allow this, even under the most dire of circumstances. I couldn't have gotten sober without working on self-awareness, something I'd taken for granted as another form of personal denial. We can temporarily snuff out the flame by drinking, but it's never enough. I can't leave a room quickly enough to get away from myself.
I also believe that relapse begins long before we pick up the drink. This accounts for why, in many cases, people report picking up the first drink as something automatic, or being in a "zombie-like" state or having an out-of-body experience. Or without anything unusual happening at all, and without an obvious trigger. On some level, the relapse was so well-rehearsed, so well-planned and so anticipated that the act itself can seem at least partly involuntary. It's also acting out a well-known and well-practiced behavior, like getting out of bed. Or walking. Something we don't have to think about while we're doing it, or to get it done in the first place.
I was wracked with guilt and remorse for what I'd done to myself and to other people, and I was tortured by the reality of all that I'd lost, all that I'd given away. Just putting down the drink wasn't enough for me, and I knew it. I needed detox, inpatient rehab, AA, IOP, regular OP, individual counseling for alcoholism and then psychotherapy. I relapsed once, for three years, in the past thirty three years, but it didn't matter. The destruction was complete, nothing I'd ever imagined (or allowed myself to imagine) after picking up that first drink.
Someone with whom I've been exchanging PMs with lately asked me about a type of treatment that she called "A-B-C." I hadn't heard of it, so I looked it up. It sounds like a kind of technique that might be used in a course of CBT, a means of putting a stop to negative thinking before it takes control.
I realized that I'd been using this method for years before I knew it was a conventional technique that involves a few simple steps. In the article I've referenced (which, coincidentally, was published this past Thursday), examples are given as to how to use this technique to curtail worrying. For those who are crippled with worry, or simply worry much of the time, there will be ample opportunities to practice, which is how I got this to work for me. I'm not much of a worrier, but I have used it in order to stop myself from making my past more of a mess than it was, and to avoid getting into a loop of ongoing regret. Unless you're content to sit on the sidelines, heartbreak in life is inevitable. But it doesn't have to determine our future in an adverse way, and can often bring us to a much better place.
It seems it might be helpful for the purposes of this thread, and perhaps for others who make the time to read it.
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-styl...icle-1.2591844
Lying to ourselves is a very easy thing to do. Though there may not be any obvious consequences in some cases, we will forever be tainted with the burden of living in bad faith. And guilt cries out for punishment. We all know that denial is a formidable obstacle in terms of getting and then staying sober. So powerful that despite destruction in the extreme to personal health, livelihood, and important relationships, we continue to drink. We minimize problems at home, at work, and with our finances. And we dare not make a trip to the doctor, though we may end up in the ER without our consent. None of us likes to think that we're in imminent danger, or at risk for self-destruction over time, so we accept the fantasy that it's not as bad as it could be because -- and this is the good news -- it could, in reality, be worse. Much worse.
I believe that we all know, or are capable of knowing, much more about ourselves than we let on. Again, as a matter of denial, we rarely allow this, even under the most dire of circumstances. I couldn't have gotten sober without working on self-awareness, something I'd taken for granted as another form of personal denial. We can temporarily snuff out the flame by drinking, but it's never enough. I can't leave a room quickly enough to get away from myself.
I also believe that relapse begins long before we pick up the drink. This accounts for why, in many cases, people report picking up the first drink as something automatic, or being in a "zombie-like" state or having an out-of-body experience. Or without anything unusual happening at all, and without an obvious trigger. On some level, the relapse was so well-rehearsed, so well-planned and so anticipated that the act itself can seem at least partly involuntary. It's also acting out a well-known and well-practiced behavior, like getting out of bed. Or walking. Something we don't have to think about while we're doing it, or to get it done in the first place.
I was wracked with guilt and remorse for what I'd done to myself and to other people, and I was tortured by the reality of all that I'd lost, all that I'd given away. Just putting down the drink wasn't enough for me, and I knew it. I needed detox, inpatient rehab, AA, IOP, regular OP, individual counseling for alcoholism and then psychotherapy. I relapsed once, for three years, in the past thirty three years, but it didn't matter. The destruction was complete, nothing I'd ever imagined (or allowed myself to imagine) after picking up that first drink.
Someone with whom I've been exchanging PMs with lately asked me about a type of treatment that she called "A-B-C." I hadn't heard of it, so I looked it up. It sounds like a kind of technique that might be used in a course of CBT, a means of putting a stop to negative thinking before it takes control.
I realized that I'd been using this method for years before I knew it was a conventional technique that involves a few simple steps. In the article I've referenced (which, coincidentally, was published this past Thursday), examples are given as to how to use this technique to curtail worrying. For those who are crippled with worry, or simply worry much of the time, there will be ample opportunities to practice, which is how I got this to work for me. I'm not much of a worrier, but I have used it in order to stop myself from making my past more of a mess than it was, and to avoid getting into a loop of ongoing regret. Unless you're content to sit on the sidelines, heartbreak in life is inevitable. But it doesn't have to determine our future in an adverse way, and can often bring us to a much better place.
It seems it might be helpful for the purposes of this thread, and perhaps for others who make the time to read it.
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-styl...icle-1.2591844
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Isolation, Isolation, Isolation!!
My addiction was great at selling me all the fairytales it could get away with in my own mind without anyone else there to tell me otherwise, and when I would fall at the first hurdle I would feel ashamed and so isolate myself even further, which lead to more drinking and so I went round the addiction merry-go-round for a long term.
We need to break that cycle with support, other people, something to keep us focused, to counteract everything our addiction wants to make us believe!!
My addiction was great at selling me all the fairytales it could get away with in my own mind without anyone else there to tell me otherwise, and when I would fall at the first hurdle I would feel ashamed and so isolate myself even further, which lead to more drinking and so I went round the addiction merry-go-round for a long term.
We need to break that cycle with support, other people, something to keep us focused, to counteract everything our addiction wants to make us believe!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
These were the thoughts that kept me relapsing.....
It's a special occasion
I'll drink less this time
One day a month is way better than drinking every day
Just beer....just beer
I stopped relapsing when I truly wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
But I know that sounds cliche.
Honestly the reason I stopped and stayed stopped was because even a one-off night caused a five-day hangover. I simply could not handle the hangovers anymore.
Before I stopped and stayed stopped I always kept this tiny little thought in the back of my mind that maybe I would drink again someday .
When I stopped and stayed stopped I abolished the idea that I would ever drink again someday.
And when I stopped and stayed stopped I accepted that under no circumstance would I ever drink again.
Was I thrilled? Not even. But I was okay with it. It was a big relief actually.
It's a special occasion
I'll drink less this time
One day a month is way better than drinking every day
Just beer....just beer
I stopped relapsing when I truly wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
But I know that sounds cliche.
Honestly the reason I stopped and stayed stopped was because even a one-off night caused a five-day hangover. I simply could not handle the hangovers anymore.
Before I stopped and stayed stopped I always kept this tiny little thought in the back of my mind that maybe I would drink again someday .
When I stopped and stayed stopped I abolished the idea that I would ever drink again someday.
And when I stopped and stayed stopped I accepted that under no circumstance would I ever drink again.
Was I thrilled? Not even. But I was okay with it. It was a big relief actually.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I was the poster child for "the relapse happens long before the drink is picked up".
I had a few factors going on - over confidence, I stopped valuing my sobriety, stopped actively working on self reflection and personal growth, stopped reaching out for support (because of over confidence
), allowed the drink fantasy to roam around my head without countering it with the fact that drinking was not an option. 
This is just off the top of my head.
This time around I am keeping my sobriety front and center and I will not stop actively seeking better ways to live.
I had a few factors going on - over confidence, I stopped valuing my sobriety, stopped actively working on self reflection and personal growth, stopped reaching out for support (because of over confidence
), allowed the drink fantasy to roam around my head without countering it with the fact that drinking was not an option. This is just off the top of my head.
This time around I am keeping my sobriety front and center and I will not stop actively seeking better ways to live.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Well there are plenty of opinions and studies on this that highlight all sorts of factors, many of them have been mentioned on this thread. I am just trying to set myself straight from a stubborn relapse.
The cause? I would say a desire to drink, often suddenly and intensely. And that I act on the urges by picking up the bottle. I am confident I would not drink if I did not have the cravings and because they come from within, I think the causes are my own physiological and emotional mechanisms and how I react to them.
The cause? I would say a desire to drink, often suddenly and intensely. And that I act on the urges by picking up the bottle. I am confident I would not drink if I did not have the cravings and because they come from within, I think the causes are my own physiological and emotional mechanisms and how I react to them.
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