I'm back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
I'm back
Dear Sober Recovery,
You all have helped me so much in the past. I had around 8 months before I thought I could handle it. In-fact, for the most part I thought I was. I even met this great woman and we have been dating for nearly 7 months. I noticed a few days ago she was quiet and things didn't seem right. So I asked here if everything was alright and she said fine. But I knew it wasnt. This is the second time this happened and it leaves me feeling alone and I drink. As it turns out, she was mad because when we talked at night she could hear that I was a little buzzed and she doesn't like that. Now.. she doesnt communicate when she mad at me but thats another issue that we will talk about. But.. I have decided.. to give up having alcohol in my life. I love her and she is a great person. I am here to do this again, for good. I like the freeness that alcohol gives me but it is very selfish. I remember I talked with her about this in the past and it sounded like she just wanted me to have a glass of wine with her from time to time or on vacations. But I don't think that's going to work. Having it once in awhile in small quantities makes me want to get a decent buzz. Thanks for being there Sober Recovery.
You all have helped me so much in the past. I had around 8 months before I thought I could handle it. In-fact, for the most part I thought I was. I even met this great woman and we have been dating for nearly 7 months. I noticed a few days ago she was quiet and things didn't seem right. So I asked here if everything was alright and she said fine. But I knew it wasnt. This is the second time this happened and it leaves me feeling alone and I drink. As it turns out, she was mad because when we talked at night she could hear that I was a little buzzed and she doesn't like that. Now.. she doesnt communicate when she mad at me but thats another issue that we will talk about. But.. I have decided.. to give up having alcohol in my life. I love her and she is a great person. I am here to do this again, for good. I like the freeness that alcohol gives me but it is very selfish. I remember I talked with her about this in the past and it sounded like she just wanted me to have a glass of wine with her from time to time or on vacations. But I don't think that's going to work. Having it once in awhile in small quantities makes me want to get a decent buzz. Thanks for being there Sober Recovery.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
That's two "I'm Back" threads in a row. Hope you can figure out where your commitment to sobriety is breaking down. From your post, you cope with issues with your GF by drinking. Not healthy.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by SoberComposer 
I remember I talked with her about this in the past and it sounded like she just wanted me to have a glass of wine with her from time to time or on vacations. But I don't think that's going to work. Having it once in awhile in small quantities makes me want to get a decent buzz.
MB
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by SoberComposer
I like the freeness that alcohol gives me
Regarding your statement above..think about it for a minute. Does alcohol really give you "freeness"? If anything it sounds like it's doing exactly the opposite - holding you back from your relationship for one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Thank you Everyone. You are absolutely right. It is causing nothing but problems. I think my breakdown was confidence mixed with AV, when I was 8 months sober (like a year and a half ago). I managed it for awhile.. sometime drank too much then pulled back. But it is obvious that it is a slow destruction. I thought that because I was not drinking anything like I did in my 20s that I was okay. I think I also fought the stigma. I wanted to drink normally. And could most of the time but not everytime. Now, recently, it has been a wedge in this relationship. I see where this is going, regardless of this relationship, and remember how amazing and empowering sobriety was. Thanks for welcoming me back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Many people log onto this site citing relationship issues caused by alcohol. I will admit that my wife was a contributing factor in getting me to slow down, but it was solely my decision to QUIT all together. I believe alcoholism and relationships belong in two different buckets as they are independent from one another when you get down to brass tacks. Welcome back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Thanks. I really get that. I need and am going to do this for me. There are a lot of drinking triggers in this relationship so I have to evaluate if this is not good for my sobriety. She said that she will never marry an alcoholic and I was sorta speechless. She chooses to shut me out and deny anything is wrong when she is mad and that is a huge trigger. It makes me feel abandoned because I don't know what she's mad about. Thanks everyone. I will try to not bring her up much here anymore and try to stick to the main issue. Not drinking and earning my sober days, again. Thanks for being there for me everyone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome back! You definitely need to do this for you. I am the same as you, I can't just have one glass of wine. It is one of those things that sounds good in theory, but doesn't work when I try to put it into practice. It is much easier to not have any alcohol than trying to moderate ever was, and I am feeling good physically and mentally.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
❤️ Delilah
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Welcome back, SoberComposer. I know the thought you were trying to convey in your post regarding "the freeness" of alcohol, but we all know that it is actually the complete opposite of freedom in any definition - its a prison. "Freeness" is not being held hostage by drinking.
The communication issue with your girlfriend really hit home with me. I was exactly the same way, and it isn't healthy for a relationship. Fortunately I overcame my need to shut down, but it took work on my part and patience on the part of my husband. I hope she can learn to open up and talk about what is bothering her. That is also freeing.
The communication issue with your girlfriend really hit home with me. I was exactly the same way, and it isn't healthy for a relationship. Fortunately I overcame my need to shut down, but it took work on my part and patience on the part of my husband. I hope she can learn to open up and talk about what is bothering her. That is also freeing.
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