Ariesagain

First, get rid of any alcohol you have in the house. It's always best if you have medical support for possible detox, or at the very least a way to get to the ER quickly if you start feeling really ill.

Second, if you're feeling well enough, it helped me to change all the patterns around my drinking. I was a "happy" hour wine drinker at home. So for the first couple of days I made sure I was out of the house during that time.

You mentioned having a therapist who was aware of your addiction...if you have the resources, why not try rehab? It's often a medical detox and an introduction to learning new skills to handle issues that we drank over in the past.

I think your request for help might have gotten lost a bit, so I'm hoping others will weigh in?

teatreeoil007

Don't have any alcohol in your home. Avoid the wine isle in the grocery store. Stay busy with other activities. Work can be a mixed blessing. It can be stressful and demanding, but it can also keep your mind and body occupied well. If stress is a trigger, however, having a stressful job is hard to deal with. I'm not sure why you drank to begin with, but I agree that drinking is a symptom of a deeper problem and perhaps is/was a coping mechanism; albeit an unhealthy one. It will likely feel "weird" at first, but your new normal of being sober will feel so much BETTER...you've got to give your all and TIME. You will not feel better over night, so don't get discouraged if you are not feeling as good as you think you should right away.

Michel78

Thanks guys. I've stopped cold turkey before and never required medical intervention, so I'm going to hope for the best there. In order to fill up my time, and my restless mind, I have to view this as an opportunity to start doing things. Anything. Getting out there and changing it up.

Also, whenever I get to thinking "This is going to be so difficult, and so much more difficult to do alone and without her..." I'm going to stop myself. There are two faulty lines of reasoning in that self-talk. First, no matter what, you are doing it alone. Whether you have a partner or not really makes no difference. Secondly, it will actually be easier without her. She never really supported my sobriety and it was more difficult to stay sober with her than I believe it will be now. She was usually annoyed at never being able to have alcohol in the house when I was on the wagon. She was always more than happy to return to the two of us going out drinking whenever I approached her with one of my stupid rationales that I'm ready to try moderation. While she didn't want me drunk, she didn't want me sober either - she just didn't want me to have the problem to begin with. And somebody like that does not make for a good partner. I now have an opportunity that I did not have while she was still in my life.

I'm going to go with the one-day-at-a-time approach. I will not drink today.

Delizadee

I hope someone here can or has shown you the link to recovery plans. They are so helpful around breaking the ingrained habits that are hard to break and easy to fall back on early on.

It takes daily conscious effort and mindfulness but it's doable.

I spent 2 years trying to fix my life's problems with meds, therapy and all kinds of grand ideas. Absolutely nothing could be fixed or changed with success until I addressed my drinking problem.

I'm lucky to live in a place where Healthcare is free and readily available for those who seek it out. The thing is we have to work it out and make it work ourselves. But I can tell you the cornerstone of the mental health world here when addictions are involved is to get the addiction well in check before moving on to dealing with the rest of life.

I pushed against the concrete wall and got enough sobriety under my belt to see the difference and to finally get that sobriety had to come first as I couldn't have a recovered life until I figured out how to be in recovery from addiction.

So I'm glad to hear this... you are on the right track. There is tons of good reading in the stickies on this forum. Read lots in early recovery.

I also suggest the sober tool app as a very helpful support and motivator right at a fingers touch in the early days.

teatreeoil007

You are right, it really does "pare down" to doing this yourself, alone. Your drinking problem is essentially between you and yourself, even though I could swear there are people who would "drive me to drink". I've had to toss that mentality out and believe that no matter how much other people drove me crazy, drinking over it was not an option. She didn't want you to have that "problem", sure, I get that and it really hurts to get dumped because of that problem. You're likely still recovering from the break-up, so hang tight. You're trying to tackle a few problems at the same time, but that's life, right? Sometimes we feel like we need to be an octopus with several tentacles to "do it all". I can be very type "A" in my approach to things including my career and I'm still grappling with my perfectionist tendencies. It's a work in progress. Hang tight. It'll be so worth it. You are starting on a path of brain healing...

Michel78

Well, it looks like I'm gonna make it through tonight sober. It's nearly midnight and I've had nothing to drink. I've had a number of Day 1's before, but this one is so much harder. So I've searched my mind for why. What is different this time than in the past? The big difference is that this time there is no external event going on that is forcing me or scaring me to quit drinking. (And no, the breakup isn't bringing me to this point - that was 3 months ago but I kept right on drinking my head off). By contrast, every past sober spell involved that - whether it was some horrible argument that left a friend or girlfriend terribly put out with me, and my shame compelled me to stop; or a close call with my health; or a DUI (yes I went through one RIGHT before I got together with my last gf - she even went to the hearing with me, and when it was over, she suggested we go downtown for a beer...yeah...); or whether it was the horror of seeing some embarrassing emails or social media posts from the previous inebriated night...

These other experiences that catapulted me into immediate sobriety were not due to me really getting it on my own, or because I valued ME too much to keep hurting myself. I got sober (or dry, rather) out of fear, shame, guilt, legal necessity, etc.

This time, I woke up today, I cancelled all my courses for the day (which always puts me into a loser-like feeling, and the anxiety that my department chair is gonna holler at me), I looked in the mirror at the face of this person who downed 15 beers yesterday. FIFTEEN. I'd been keeping things in the 8-10 range previously. But I just really wanted to do it yesterday. I looked at my face, the eyes whose whites were completely reddened and watery - the person in the mirror seemed to be saying back to me "please stop hurting me - please love me". It just moved me profoundly and I just knew I wasn't going to drink today. I just knew. I will leave tomorrow for tomorrow. But I got it done today. I loved myself.

It's been a real help unburdening myself to all of you on this forum. Thank you for your support.

Upward2Enlightenment

It's good that you are doing it for you. If you do it for someone or something else and things change there is a good chance you would go back to drinking.

CharlesG

Kurt Cobain!!!!

Delilah1

I'm glad day one went well. What worked for you in the past to stay sober? I have had previous attempts as well, and what is working for me this time is having a plan, and sticking with it. Dee has a link to recovery plans.

Also, join the April class, having a group of people at the same point in sobriety really helps.

Ariesagain

As someone who knows...in part what's different this time is that you're older, your body is more damaged, and addiction feeds on relapses.

In my younger years, I would have a couple of cranky days and then feel great. This last time? Not so much. And I was drinking far less than at other times in my life. Relapse is no longer an option.

Welcome to day two!

Michel78

Day 2 has begun. I did not sleep one minute last night. Oof. Somehow I'm here at work. My students are taking a little quiz at the moment, so I can chill a bit. Despite how rough I feel, I can take pride in knowing that a new life has begun. I showed myself real love yesterday by not drinking. Did thoughts of my ex well up in me more strongly than on my drinking nights? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. Did I cry, gnash my teeth, shake, tremble, fear my heart would pound itself to death? Yes. But I said, so what. It is what it is. Feel your pain. It's the only way through. My healing has been delayed by all the drinking.

yinzer

Congrats on day one and keep moving forward. Do it for you; you're worth it.

daisy1

Michel I am also on day two and also heartbroken as my ex left me two weeks ago.
I really understood your post because although I also drank too much, there are unfair things my ex did and said to me that have left me really hurt.

I'm with you xx

Berrybean

Great start Michael. Well done.

Michel78

I feel you daisy1. My therapist tells me, "Your drinking pushed her out the door, but even without the drinking, she would've left anyway, down the road, just would have taken longer. Consider yourself lucky. Imagine 10 years later and a nasty divorce."

Michel78

Well, I'm wrapping up day 2 without any alcohol. Just about 48 hours. Right up the road are all the bars with their endless drinks and endless ego-boosting rebound possibilities.. I'm at home alone eating cut up apples. My mind is going through some weird stuff. But this can't be a bad thing. And I won't be hungover tomorrow morning for my workout with my trainer.

Ariesagain

All those bars with their endless hangovers, the 3 a.m. wide-awake horrors, the drunk twisted hookups that start ugly and end worse, and most of your wallet in their registers...

Don't be romanticizing bars, ok?

Happy day three eve!

teatreeoil007

Bars are gross...😎

Michel78

Romanticizing my previous life (drinking, the ex, etc.) is exactly what I've been doing. Thank you for pointing it out. That life ultimately caused a lot of pain and endangered my self-respect. Perhaps one drinks at a bar to forget they're at a bar...

IronPhoenix

Michel78 - this is truly a one day at a time journey. But the good thing is that these days add up to weeks and months and years.

You need to have a plan/framework in place to help keep you accountable and increase your chances of success. That plan can be counselling sessions, checking in on this forum daily, changing your daily routine (especially around key drinking times), etc...

Recognize when your AV is acting up and develop coping skills to shut it down. Realize you have to want this unlike anything else and it will take consistent work and time to reach your recovery goals.

You can do this!