I feel "less than"
Mike, the topic of sexual addiction is done. There are more appropriate boards if you wish to follow that course. PM me and I will send you information about an appropriate website, if you wish.
Gotta tell you, I've posted here about my family and gotten replies that weren't warm and fuzzy. Some people get their own histories triggered and post from that perspective...some people are just having a cranky day (I believe I've been guilty of Posting While Previously PO'd before with you in particular, mea culpa). And sometimes posts don't accurately reflect intent because of the limits of the medium.
We also can be pretty raw in early sobriety, since our armor and security blanket is gone.
Hang in there...we're just a bunch of confused people trying to become less so.
We also can be pretty raw in early sobriety, since our armor and security blanket is gone.
Hang in there...we're just a bunch of confused people trying to become less so.
can't let that post slip by without giving some acknowledgement as being a thing of beauty.
Go back and read your early posts. Lot of drunk posts and rants. You probably hurt some feelings. Based on those, maybe people should have bailed on you. They didn't.
Now you want to bail on SR because your feelings got hurt from a few posts.
It's a public forum. People are going to post a whole lot of stuff, good and bad. There is a saying in the rooms: "Take what you need, leave the rest. "
Now you want to bail on SR because your feelings got hurt from a few posts.
It's a public forum. People are going to post a whole lot of stuff, good and bad. There is a saying in the rooms: "Take what you need, leave the rest. "
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
But the topic at hand (at least from what I understood), is that Mike felt stigmatized, and maybe in a way discriminated against, for having talked about his sex addiction in his previous thread.
This thread isn't about sex addiction, exclusively.
If the topic of sexual addiction continues, the thread will be closed.
This has to do with this topic being a trigger for people who have been sexually abused who use our site and our concern for them.
This has to do with this topic being a trigger for people who have been sexually abused who use our site and our concern for them.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
Keeping in context my previous posts.
Quitting SR (which may, or may not have- facts speak for themselves), a place that equipped you with the strength to go so far as 60 days sober (wow!), would be a stupid move, in my book.
If I had a solitary source which could guarantee me 2 months sober, I'd pay thousands for it.
And this forum is free. Think about it.
Quitting SR (which may, or may not have- facts speak for themselves), a place that equipped you with the strength to go so far as 60 days sober (wow!), would be a stupid move, in my book.
If I had a solitary source which could guarantee me 2 months sober, I'd pay thousands for it.
And this forum is free. Think about it.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
'Promiscuity' carries a lot of surplus meaning, and is often framed in a pejorative way. I've again been reminded here that not everyone is comfortable talking about sex, many of whom have a history of sexual trauma, and some who don't.
I have some ideas around why some people discuss their sex lives, their proclivities, how often they have sex and with whom, what sex means to them, and whether they enjoy or not.
Personally, I have very little interest in what other people do or don't do sexually. As is true of everything else we do in life, it can become compulsive, but I don't know that it then needs "treatment." Commenting on it doesn't turn me away, and only marginally gets my attention. By its nature, I don't think that you'll get a lot of responses about whether or not you have a sex addiction, and I'm not surprised that some people gave you a bad vibe. I mean, it's obviously a sensitive issue for you, otherwise you wouldn't have posted about it, or continue to comment on it. I don't even know if there's a special section for it on SR, but I do know that many people who feel they may have a sex addiction rarely speak about it publicly, in part due to the way some of the responses have made you feel.
Whatever our idiosyncrasies, whether about addictions or otherwise, we cannot control other people's responses, and the expectation that we can is extremely unrealistic. I think this may be more of an issue than sex addiction: threatening to leave a place where you've received a great deal of support because some people have made you feel bad.
I have some ideas around why some people discuss their sex lives, their proclivities, how often they have sex and with whom, what sex means to them, and whether they enjoy or not.
Personally, I have very little interest in what other people do or don't do sexually. As is true of everything else we do in life, it can become compulsive, but I don't know that it then needs "treatment." Commenting on it doesn't turn me away, and only marginally gets my attention. By its nature, I don't think that you'll get a lot of responses about whether or not you have a sex addiction, and I'm not surprised that some people gave you a bad vibe. I mean, it's obviously a sensitive issue for you, otherwise you wouldn't have posted about it, or continue to comment on it. I don't even know if there's a special section for it on SR, but I do know that many people who feel they may have a sex addiction rarely speak about it publicly, in part due to the way some of the responses have made you feel.
Whatever our idiosyncrasies, whether about addictions or otherwise, we cannot control other people's responses, and the expectation that we can is extremely unrealistic. I think this may be more of an issue than sex addiction: threatening to leave a place where you've received a great deal of support because some people have made you feel bad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
I know I didn't do that here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Gotta tell you, I've posted here about my family and gotten replies that weren't warm and fuzzy. Some people get their own histories triggered and post from that perspective...some people are just having a cranky day (I believe I've been guilty of Posting While Previously PO'd before with you in particular, mea culpa). And sometimes posts don't accurately reflect intent because of the limits of the medium.
We also can be pretty raw in early sobriety, since our armor and security blanket is gone.
Hang in there...we're just a bunch of confused people trying to become less so.
We also can be pretty raw in early sobriety, since our armor and security blanket is gone.
Hang in there...we're just a bunch of confused people trying to become less so.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
The point of this thread was that I was being put down based on. Just like you do in this response. "Go away, it's not a topic here." Translation: "Stop talking about this." This being the most natural things to be addicted to besides breathing and eating.
I wish for people to treat me with respect. They haven't during and after my honest thread about an addiction concern. Even Dee said something about sometimes biting his tongue but having to say something.
I was being ridiculed. There were helpful replies, but read back, I was called a liar. Well, if you consider someone saying they having trouble believing it means calling you a liar. It's really splitting hairs.
This topic is not about sexual addiction Anna. It's about someone who panicked and thought a new addiction was forming and posting about it. And it not being received well.
I thought that most people on that thread were genuinely accepting of the topic and only a couple talked down at you. I found it an interesting thread because I have acted that way in the past myself. You don't have to feel "less than" because some people don't care for the subject. There are people on here who have done a lot worse IMHO than have sex with multiple partners. But do what you need to stay sober....that's the important thing, eh?
There's a very good reason why some topics are off limits Mike
I'm sorry if you took that as rejection, or that you feel 'less than' because of it, but I think you got a fair hearing yesterday and again here today.
Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent, Mike - so I suggest you continue to do in your private life whatever you see fit, and continue to use SR to help you, and in turn help you help others with their substance abuse issues.
Dare I hope we can move on now?
Dee
Moderator
SR
Soberrecovery is a forum for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions and help for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction. Although we care about everyone and all the issues our members struggle with we feel that some topics can cause damage to those who are trying to recover on our forums. Posts with serious suicide threats, details of sexual abuse, and details of sexual addiction are many times too much of a trigger for some of our members and can trigger a relapse in recovery. General discussions are welcome.
We will remove posts at our discretion that contain triggering content. Please do not take this as rejection. It is our way of protecting everyone here. If you are in crisis please call your physician, visit a hospital emergency room of call a hotline.
We will remove posts at our discretion that contain triggering content. Please do not take this as rejection. It is our way of protecting everyone here. If you are in crisis please call your physician, visit a hospital emergency room of call a hotline.
Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent, Mike - so I suggest you continue to do in your private life whatever you see fit, and continue to use SR to help you, and in turn help you help others with their substance abuse issues.
Dare I hope we can move on now?
Dee
Moderator
SR
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Mike, I am personally also someone who is very interested in sex and like to discuss it with others, and I've never been concerned that I have an addiction issue with it. It's just something that has always interested me in life. As you can see from the number of responses and the passion behind many of the responses, not only sex addiction but the whole topic of sexuality is one of the most controversial topics and one that people don't only tend to jump on but also often rip apart. Like others said, all sorts of cultural and personal differences, it's clearly not welcome in a very general way, 21st century of not.
If you are interested in a mental health related forum where you can discuss various aspects of the topic (in a lot of detail) with a large diverse crowd of people in similar ways to how interactions here on SR go (including anonymously), you can also PM me and I'll send you a link.
If you are interested in a mental health related forum where you can discuss various aspects of the topic (in a lot of detail) with a large diverse crowd of people in similar ways to how interactions here on SR go (including anonymously), you can also PM me and I'll send you a link.
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F- it. Either resolve this for me or ban me. Resolving means looking into how radically the energy towards me has shifted and make clear that it was a legitimate topic and concern. There's some positive energy, but there is a lot of negative energy directed towards me because those people find it disagreeable to even have sex with several partners over a short period of time.
I can feel that all the time. I'm sensitive to that. Just like I can hear people's thoughts. Feel what they feel. It's a mess doing groceries. And when I focus on this place, I can feel it.
It does not feel good.
So either ban me or make it an ok topic and set the people who just want to respond out of revulsion straight. It is, still, as safe place to be.
I will see if I can log in soon.
I can feel that all the time. I'm sensitive to that. Just like I can hear people's thoughts. Feel what they feel. It's a mess doing groceries. And when I focus on this place, I can feel it.
It does not feel good.
So either ban me or make it an ok topic and set the people who just want to respond out of revulsion straight. It is, still, as safe place to be.
I will see if I can log in soon.
Mike, I have been molested and abused. I have even been physically abused by a Mike in my life. However I find neither your name nor your posts triggering. But that I me only and I can see how your posts would be triggering for others. But I don't think that's even the real issue.
Let me qualify myself as an honest mindful abused addict long enough to address this thoughtfully.
Addicts are abusers.
It does not matter what our qualifier for abuse is the fact is we know how to work systems to keep our addictions in place. The easy answer to quit an addiction is to replace it with another. What you are doing to be recovered is up to you. But I do know that we are all liars. It's what brought us here. Keeps us here and or in our addictions for a long time. Your own truth is yours to behold.
One thing I've learned about myself is that I've used my charm and attractiveness to fuel ALL my addictions. I realized that healthy or not I could alter myself and my behavior to reward myself.
The really truly amazing thing to me is my capacity to have gone from abused to abuser. First and foremost of my own self. I recognize I went from being abused to figuring out there are so many capacities where I become the abuser because I recognize for myself that I am using my own body as a self gratification tool that falls outside society norms and outside of my own comfortable limits. This all boils down to ego and setting healthy boundaries for yourself, ourselves. Ego is such a huge driver in addictions.
This is a learning opportunity for you to be more self aware. You can use your attributes for good or I'll, what will benefit you in the future?
I know what I look like when I look in the mirror but I also am not lying to myself that sex can drive a lot of negative behaviors that are ultimately destructive. I want full recovery. I want to get by on my actions and integrity to let go of ALL addictions... which benefits more than just me.
I'm not just a pretty face and rocking bod with a strong sexual identity.
I want to be a person who feels good, gives good, does good, and is good every day. That is living. Our bodies are just a shell... our hearts and minds make our lives.
I think the answer is really simple for you... you need to work harder on your recovery. Coming from a place of caring and I get it, I'd say you have work to do my friend.
Let me qualify myself as an honest mindful abused addict long enough to address this thoughtfully.
Addicts are abusers.
It does not matter what our qualifier for abuse is the fact is we know how to work systems to keep our addictions in place. The easy answer to quit an addiction is to replace it with another. What you are doing to be recovered is up to you. But I do know that we are all liars. It's what brought us here. Keeps us here and or in our addictions for a long time. Your own truth is yours to behold.
One thing I've learned about myself is that I've used my charm and attractiveness to fuel ALL my addictions. I realized that healthy or not I could alter myself and my behavior to reward myself.
The really truly amazing thing to me is my capacity to have gone from abused to abuser. First and foremost of my own self. I recognize I went from being abused to figuring out there are so many capacities where I become the abuser because I recognize for myself that I am using my own body as a self gratification tool that falls outside society norms and outside of my own comfortable limits. This all boils down to ego and setting healthy boundaries for yourself, ourselves. Ego is such a huge driver in addictions.
This is a learning opportunity for you to be more self aware. You can use your attributes for good or I'll, what will benefit you in the future?
I know what I look like when I look in the mirror but I also am not lying to myself that sex can drive a lot of negative behaviors that are ultimately destructive. I want full recovery. I want to get by on my actions and integrity to let go of ALL addictions... which benefits more than just me.
I'm not just a pretty face and rocking bod with a strong sexual identity.
I want to be a person who feels good, gives good, does good, and is good every day. That is living. Our bodies are just a shell... our hearts and minds make our lives.
I think the answer is really simple for you... you need to work harder on your recovery. Coming from a place of caring and I get it, I'd say you have work to do my friend.
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