Hope is Alive Weekender April 1st Part 2
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
My theory is that it wasn't ever that good, and plus, I think he may be 'all written out' at this point. 
Would it help, maybe, to try and determine if your pursuing of the 'other side' on occasion is too much of a danger, threat, or hindrance to your continuing to live a good life?
That's what helped me ... to remind myself that I may not be able to live the kind of life I want to live if I dip into that drinking lifestyle.
Glad you're ok!
I guess I need to figure myself out, this probably doesn't make any sense, I just feel lost, lonely too because I've given a lot of people up because I don't want to go down that road with them.
I honestly don't really understand myself.
I don't know if I do these things because it's just a part of me or if I'm self destructive.
I do enjoy life very much and I love the living of it; so I don't think it's because I have some death wish or something.
I don't know, just thinking out loud.
I'll stay, I just felt like a hypocrite if I was here.
I do love the sober, clean life very much, but I love the other side too.
I guess it's like Dee says, just gotta choose one.
I honestly don't really understand myself.
I don't know if I do these things because it's just a part of me or if I'm self destructive.
I do enjoy life very much and I love the living of it; so I don't think it's because I have some death wish or something.
I don't know, just thinking out loud.
I'll stay, I just felt like a hypocrite if I was here.
I do love the sober, clean life very much, but I love the other side too.
I guess it's like Dee says, just gotta choose one.
That's what helped me ... to remind myself that I may not be able to live the kind of life I want to live if I dip into that drinking lifestyle.
Glad you're ok!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I'm happy that you came back jen. 
What you said did make sense. You are so used to that old life, you've spent so much time living in it. It is also easier to remember the good times and not the bad, grass is always greener deal.
Have you tried working with a counselor?
Again, I'm happy you're back.
What you said did make sense. You are so used to that old life, you've spent so much time living in it. It is also easier to remember the good times and not the bad, grass is always greener deal.
Have you tried working with a counselor?
Again, I'm happy you're back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Jen,
Deviant doesn't mean dirty or wrong, even though we are taught to believe that. How is it bad if someone derives pleasure from pain, in private and with a trusted partner? Why is it bad for us to enjoy different partners, why do we have to stick with one, especially if we aren't trying to get married and have kids? What is the point of being unattached if not to enjoy life's rich buffet?
I know a lot of ppl having some very bad sexual relations or none at all with the person they are married to and they are just withering away, miserable. It sounds like the most boring thing ever and they look so dry and lonely when they talk about it. Sleeping around can be lonely, too. But being single and being safe and selective while choosing partners can be so much fun. And it's nobody's business how you get your rocks off.
And there's lots of people in marriages or monogamous partnerships that love how things are going in the intimacy department. I don't know any but I thought I would say that to be fair.
I say let your freak flag fly but it doesn't mean anyone needs to know exactly what you're up to, it's not their business. Sex shaming is ridiculous. Enjoy what you like and be safe doing it. The haters are jealous and probably up to some really sick and lonely stuff by themselves and with just the Internet.
Edit: I guess that last sentence sounds like I'm sex shaming, too. It's just bc I feel defensive that you feel you are deviant. Let everyone enjoy everything they like, including by themselves with the Internet
Deviant doesn't mean dirty or wrong, even though we are taught to believe that. How is it bad if someone derives pleasure from pain, in private and with a trusted partner? Why is it bad for us to enjoy different partners, why do we have to stick with one, especially if we aren't trying to get married and have kids? What is the point of being unattached if not to enjoy life's rich buffet?
I know a lot of ppl having some very bad sexual relations or none at all with the person they are married to and they are just withering away, miserable. It sounds like the most boring thing ever and they look so dry and lonely when they talk about it. Sleeping around can be lonely, too. But being single and being safe and selective while choosing partners can be so much fun. And it's nobody's business how you get your rocks off.
And there's lots of people in marriages or monogamous partnerships that love how things are going in the intimacy department. I don't know any but I thought I would say that to be fair.
I say let your freak flag fly but it doesn't mean anyone needs to know exactly what you're up to, it's not their business. Sex shaming is ridiculous. Enjoy what you like and be safe doing it. The haters are jealous and probably up to some really sick and lonely stuff by themselves and with just the Internet.
Edit: I guess that last sentence sounds like I'm sex shaming, too. It's just bc I feel defensive that you feel you are deviant. Let everyone enjoy everything they like, including by themselves with the Internet
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Jen. You'll figure it out. I don't have any words of wisdom. I always wanted to think I was more adventurous, funny, avant garde, etc. than I am. I'm pretty humdrum and mundane. It's hurt lately to realize that. I'm don't lead all that interesting a life. You do., whether you think so or not. And you don't need alcohol to lead it. Does drinking help you do those things?
Anyway, I'd say ditch the cleanse.
Anyway, I'd say ditch the cleanse.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
ohai! 
IN!
So. I had to just check in because it's been a while.
LOL jsbodhi. Existential angst. My old friend. I think all of us here know the Dark Side intimately. You are no worse than any of us here - trust me. I truly hope you don't go back to drinking, though. There are plenty of adrenaline highs to be had without alcohol or drugs. Don't die young. You'll miss a lot of shenanigans in your 50s. Ask me how I know.
I am well. I'm not drinking, for those of you who are worriers. No drama to report and I'm glad of that.
Sao, this is all your fault. A little birdie told me you said "Hi." I had to log in to say "Hi" back.
Much love and huggies for all you sober warriors. I haven't been keeping up, but I do think of you all. It's summer in the PNW. Almost.
IN!So. I had to just check in because it's been a while.
LOL jsbodhi. Existential angst. My old friend. I think all of us here know the Dark Side intimately. You are no worse than any of us here - trust me. I truly hope you don't go back to drinking, though. There are plenty of adrenaline highs to be had without alcohol or drugs. Don't die young. You'll miss a lot of shenanigans in your 50s. Ask me how I know.
I am well. I'm not drinking, for those of you who are worriers. No drama to report and I'm glad of that.
Sao, this is all your fault. A little birdie told me you said "Hi." I had to log in to say "Hi" back.
Much love and huggies for all you sober warriors. I haven't been keeping up, but I do think of you all. It's summer in the PNW. Almost.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
The City just agreed to pay out more money on another police case. One of our esteemed aldermen was quoted in the paper as saying "I was disgusted. It was horrible. The man was asleep in his cell and he wakes up dead."
It sounds like this whole zombie movie craze has gotten to him.
It sounds like this whole zombie movie craze has gotten to him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Thanks guys xo
Ruby: ditched the cleanse, I'm here binge eating wendy's chilli cheese fries and a soda.
Drinking helps in the way that that's where you find other bad people to spend time with.
I've been dead sober while paying for the happy ending massages :/
So it's not that I just get drunk and do naughty things, I'll do it sober too which is worrying.
And just so everyone doesn't worry, I've known the hells angel since I was a teenager.
I don't hang around them very often, just the one.
There's a clubhouse in my neighbourhood and so a couple of the guys I grew up with here just joined because that's what you do I guess.
He's the one that called crying about his mom the other day, we've been friends for years.
Ruby: ditched the cleanse, I'm here binge eating wendy's chilli cheese fries and a soda.
Drinking helps in the way that that's where you find other bad people to spend time with.
I've been dead sober while paying for the happy ending massages :/
So it's not that I just get drunk and do naughty things, I'll do it sober too which is worrying.
And just so everyone doesn't worry, I've known the hells angel since I was a teenager.
I don't hang around them very often, just the one.
There's a clubhouse in my neighbourhood and so a couple of the guys I grew up with here just joined because that's what you do I guess.
He's the one that called crying about his mom the other day, we've been friends for years.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,199
Good to see you Jen
You are not devient at all - paying your way through college while running your own business is commendable Jen you should be proud
I think you need to give yourself a break from beating yourself up. I have no knowledge of Candida but I'm sure a doctors would be able to help with treatment/prognosis. I would also suggest easing up on a strict diet - just eat 80% healthy
Maybe you should do what my youngest daughter does to an extent and get a few outward "trappings" of a badass without buying the whole lifestyle
I disagree about Stephen King though
You are not devient at all - paying your way through college while running your own business is commendable Jen you should be proud
I think you need to give yourself a break from beating yourself up. I have no knowledge of Candida but I'm sure a doctors would be able to help with treatment/prognosis. I would also suggest easing up on a strict diet - just eat 80% healthy
Maybe you should do what my youngest daughter does to an extent and get a few outward "trappings" of a badass without buying the whole lifestyle
I disagree about Stephen King though
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi 
Oh bim!! I've missed you!
I'm a cliche haha!
I'm a cliche haha!
I wore myself out with all the stuff I did. Live life to the fullest! At some point I had to slow down. I just didn't want to say no to anything. So I didn't. Now I enjoy my peaceful mind, but when I was younger I was full of the same thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Thanks so much again everyone xo
While I'm at my admitting, I should say I have phone sex with one of the inmates sometimes too.
It's like a stupid little date we plan.
There, I'm done.
I feel purged, as if I've been to confession.
I suppose I should go to work now
Xo
While I'm at my admitting, I should say I have phone sex with one of the inmates sometimes too.
It's like a stupid little date we plan.
There, I'm done.
I feel purged, as if I've been to confession.
I suppose I should go to work now
Xo
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Have you looked into any slower candida cleanse diets jen? Ones that don't kill all the yeast off at once so your body doesn't go through the toxic shock?
Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Hi jsbodhi, Hi biminiblue! ! It's so good to hear from both of you.
Jsbodhi. ..it sounds like you may be at a turning point. Your introspection is wonderful it may lead to positive changes. Who knows, I don't have any profound words of wisdom. All I know is how I want to live my life today...how I want to think about myself. I do prefer the honest, clean life. I don't have to stress about what I did last night, and there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Yes, it may sound like a boring life compared to my wild days, but I like the peace I've found in it.
Keep working on it, jsbodhi. ....you are doing just fine.
Jsbodhi. ..it sounds like you may be at a turning point. Your introspection is wonderful it may lead to positive changes. Who knows, I don't have any profound words of wisdom. All I know is how I want to live my life today...how I want to think about myself. I do prefer the honest, clean life. I don't have to stress about what I did last night, and there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Yes, it may sound like a boring life compared to my wild days, but I like the peace I've found in it.
Keep working on it, jsbodhi. ....you are doing just fine.
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