wow
 

I can't really believe I am writing this. I made it through my gig, played great, made it through the after party drinking water, and all without a drink. I really can't believe this. Wow... I was so so so close. I said to my friend, keyboardist on the gig, that my nerves were driving me nuts, which they were, before hitting the stage for the first set, and that I just needed a half glass of wine to calm my nerves. She said, "I'm not gonna tell you either way to go because I want you to be happy, but all I'm going to say is if you think you can stop after half a glass then go ahead, if you can stop after that half glass". That was great advice as I knew I couldn't. If I'd had that half glass I'd still be at the after party with everyone right now... so that was my night. Longest I've gone in years, 10 days as of now...
Thank you SR and thanks for reading...

Im so happy you got good advice from your friend. If she had told you to go ahead you probably would have drank tonight.

Good job

That's awesome copperfield!! :)
So happy for you. :hug:

And I think your friend the keyboardist is wonderful!

Paying sober is about 500% on playing wasted copperfield - I hope you'll gain as much pleasure from it as I do :)

D

Nicely done Copperfield!!!

That is awesome good job Copperfield!! :D

Psst: you always play better sober

Well done xoxo

:You_Rock_

Good job.

When I got clean I had a few gigs left on the books that I honored and played. I'm lucky I made it through them. They were all bar gigs, and in very early recovery my head was all over the place. Most of them didn't bug me all that much, but at the last one I started to realize that i was in the wrong place. There were a lot of "paired stimuli" that were making it feel quite natural to have a few drinks, pop a handful of pills, and get rolling.

I've continued to play with one band in the summers, but we do fairs and such so it's a different atmosphere. I made the decision to lay off of the bar gig scene for a while.

With some time clean I have been feeling the urge to play in some more bands. This is something I'm going to explore very carefully. I've had some experiences being around people using, (drinking in this case) recently at a function for another one of my hobbies that I put on the back burner that humbled me. It was more uncomfortable than I would have expected. It looked repellent and attractive to me at the same time and caused some spiritual and emotional unrest.

That experience prompted me to talk with my sponsor. I had forgotten some simple things like bringing someone with me, letting people in recovery know where I was, calling someone when I felt uncomfortable, and having an escape plan. - All of this is stuff I'd have to incorporate into doing bar gigs again save for the escape plan. - That last part is the kicker.

Part of my dilemma is that playing live music for an appreciate audience feeds my spirit, but watching others get loaded does not. If anything, being in the proximity of people using, (especially when it's obvious that they are addicts/alcoholics, or at least using to excess) damages my spirit.

I have found that being in bars or around people getting loaded isn't just about it being dangerous for me, I also realize that there's nothing there for me any longer. - This is something that I haven't figured out yet, as I really miss playing live.

I have musician friends in recovery who play out and are ok with it, and others who avoid it for the same reasons that I have. In both cases these are people with more time than I have, some by a long shot. - It's something that I'm going to explore, but with a lot of safeguards and accountability.

That wasn't supposed to be all that long winded and all about me, but that's what came out! - Glad you made it through the gig. If I were you I wouldn't do any more without bringing some people in recovery with you who have some time and who would be committed to staying with you. I hope you're involved in NA or AA or some other face to face support where you have access to "live bodies". We can be with you virtually, but in a gig situation that might not help.

Hi copperfield, that was a grueling test to put yourself through, and you passed with flying colors. Congratulations. I hope it gives you confidence moving forward in your life.

What would you have done if she'd encouraged you to have half a glass?

I realise I'm being a bit of a party pooper here, but I mean it with a good heart. I'd really encourage you to build up your own plan and your own responses to those kinds of thoughts, so that you can go past Day 10... into infinity... and beyond... happyface:

Congratulations on your ten days. Rooting for you to keep going.

This is my favorite part. Great job, copperfield!

That's wonderful! I'm glad it went well.

Way to go, bud. I recently played out for the first time since starting recovery myself, and it was daunting, but I stayed sober. A dear friend (who also plays, whom I hadn't seen in seven months) said it sounds like I'd been doing some major woodshedding, to which I replied, "Well, not drinking sure helps, too."

Very proud of you, copper. You're doing this. :)

Glad it went so well. :)