Sex addiction, maybe?
 

Ok, I've kept this secret until now since I think it's becoming a problem.

After I got sober, I seem to have developed a sex addiction. It started about a week ago and in 7 days I've had sex with 7 different women. Once twice on one day.

The reason I didn't want to talk about it is because I'm ashamed about it. But now that's it out here.

Once was with a prostitute. Which is legal over here. I'm not going to break the law.

All the other times were with women who already had an interest in me but I kept away from me when I was drinking. Now there's no reason to keep them away and they're also nice friends.

So is it an addiction to begin with? The prostitute was when an appointment with a woman got cancelled and I just had to go.

Which sounds like an addiction.

And... is this even appropriate for this forum?

If I disappear, it will be me hiding in shame. Just so you know. But I need help with this I think.

Idk, can you develop an addiction in 7 days? Maybe you're just bored. Or maybe you're substituting sex for alcohol. Might be worth discussing with a therapist/ addiction counselor. I'm not a guy but I can see how the availability of sex, both online and in person, could be addictive. Don't be ashamed, we've all done stuff we're not proud of. I think my ex husband might've had a sex addiction, I caught him countless times looking on backpage. ("Just curious" was his response.) Do you have a trusted doctor or counselor you can talk to?

Yes, I do. And I've been thinking about it. Being single, the pattern of sexual behavior I'm exhibiting is not problematic. What freaked me out is the prostitute. It's not something I'd normally do.

I'd suggest seeking help from a therapist Mike. It's disturbing behavior at the very least and the fact that you don't view it that way suggests it's really a problem.

If you don't mind, what do you consider to be the disturbing part? The prostitute or the whole? To have a couple of days with different sexual partners every once in a while is fine by me. And it's not like they're random people. I knew these women.

The prostitute still gives me nightmares. I can't believe I did that and am not inclined to do so again.

I'm not sure that it really matters what I consider to be the disturbing part. What you plan to do about it does matter though. Have you considered that?

Obviously it is worrying you , so try to refrain from this behaviour . If you can't stop ,find a therapist you can talk to about it . Best wishes .

Just taking your OP at face value and what little I know of your recovery I'd say it's totally possible you could be substituting one addiction for another.

It's a "brain thing", essentially. It is a type of 'high'. And yes, there are actually recovery groups for sex addicts that are along the same lines a AA, NA, OA, etc. There is nothing wrong with sex; it was created by God, just as there is nothing inherently wrong with a glass of wine which is derived from grapes that were created by God. BUT, anything can be done to excess and when done in extremes can have bad consequences.

When doing an "inventory" about your sexual behaviour (s), perhaps you need to ask yourself if there would be unpleasant consequences as a RESULT. Looking at it from that angle might help. Could you get an STD. Could one of your sexual partners decide they want to get serious with you even though all you really want from them is sex and a little companionship. All ya gotta do is watch that movie "Fatal Attraction" once to know that getting involved can lead to more than you want(ed).

No more prostitutes. That was the problem.

Other than that, a healthy sex-life is a good thing. In the end, I want to settle down, but for now I see no harm in one-time encounters, as long as I don't need them.

And I think I don't. I would like them, but don't need them. The prostitute was a stupid mistake I wish I could take back.

There's just a couple of women I can have sex with now. And maybe one of them will turn into more. Or someone else will.

So I'm not concerned anymore. :) But I took my own advice and post here when something came up.

Sex addiction is not an addiction. It's a skill. :)

Kudos!

Prostitute or not, sex is sex. Don't stigmatize sex workers. No need for that.

I personally feel that 'prostitute' is a filthy and derogatory word, right up there with the 'N' word- which is basically illegal everywhere now.

A human being doesn't need to be pigeon-holed.

If you had sex with an accountant, you wouldn't go around saying "once with an accountant".

(I am sorry, if this offends some people)

It was not against her will, illegal and we actually had a good time. But I personally am not the type of person who pays for sex.

I do think there's no problem with regularly having sex with different women. It's fun! I do know my European culture will clash with other cultures, but imo, it's perfectly ok to enjoy it. Whenever you want.

My main concern, that it may be an addiction, is gone. It was new to me, and part of the new me. That's all.

Ofcourse, I never questioned your intentions, Mike. :)

And nobody here, certainly not me, is judging you for having sex too much, be it with a person who is into any XYZ profession, including prostitution, which is a perfectly good profession for anybody (who is willing, and not forced).

My personal advice is, have as much sex as you can, it's an excellent stress reliever. And why not? There's no reason to abstain from sex, as far as I know. It's a natural thing.

Sex addiction is very, very rare (from what I understand).

Just hoping all the ladies are single and feel the same way as you.

Not all of them are single, but it's still their choice.

I've never had to pay for sex either, Mike. :angel2:

Agreed. My conflict was with the prostitute though. I thought it was a sign of addiction.

I'm not into prostitutes, but not against the concept either. If it's their own choice, fine by me. I just feel bad having gone to one since I'm not that type of person.

But yeah, other than that, I share your attitude.

And I will never again.

Well, live and learn, I guess...I sure don't judge you for it or for what your sex life is. If you deem it to be a problem, there is help for it. My sister had a friend who was seriously a sex addict and she went into treatment for it because it was causing a lot of problems in her life.

The following is my personal opinion, please do not read if you are against prostitution.

It's sad that many people, even in today's society, think that paying for sex is immoral, or a bad thing.

If an ADULT woman (or a man) is willingly selling that particular service, there is no reason for any of us to stigmatize, discriminate, or hate.

It is a choice. And it deserves respect. Whether you like it, or not.

I agree with Scott that you should talk to your therapist. A lot of people start acting out in other ways once they stop drinking unless they work on the underlying reasons for their alcoholism.

That being said, chances are that your interaction with the prostitute was the most honest one of the 7.
Unless things have changed since I was a young woman, women just don't go around having indiscriminate sex.
More often than not, we liked the guy and hoped to start a relationship or something semi serious with him.

At least with the professional, the expectations and the nature of the relationship were clear cut:
You wanted to have sex (whether you are acting out or not that's between you and your shrink) and expected her to do her part...she did
She expected to be paid for her services ...she did.

That's clear cut and I think more honest than going around and potential dashing someone's hopes for a partnership or hurting their feelings( and also spreading STDs).