Venecia

I may regret even adding to this discussion. We're really even discussing prostitution as if it is a career choice right up there with software engineer or teacher or doctor or whatever ... or that it's just a matter of a financial transaction.

Took me about two minutes to find these stats from a respected organization in my city, one that helps women:

• 60-90 percent don’t have safe places to live
• 71 percent have PTSD
• 85 percent were victims of child sexual abuse, rape or incest
• 83 percent are victims of assault with a deadly weapon
• 75 percent were victims of physical abuse as a child
• 57 percent are victims of kidnapping
• 95 percent are chemically dependent
• 90 percent + have criminal records

For crying out loud ...

MaidenNZ

Sex addiction does not make the cut as an official psychiatric disorder, and as a result has been taken out of the DSMV.

It's highly likely that you were simply experiencing the same compulsion to have sex as you used to have to drink alcohol. Addiction is measured over time and whether the substance/behaviour impacts negatively on a persons life.

Diagnosis requires that these urges cause the patient distress, and aren’t brought on by drugs or another mental disorder. The behaviour must also interfere with their life. the DSMV decided to omit hypersexuality (sex addiction) as a diagnosis as there wasn't enough supporting evidence showing it was an addiction to include it.

teatreeoil007

Mike,
I'm going to come at this from an angle that crossed my mind and that is: In active addiction, (for some people) their sex drive is lower; possibly because the brain is getting a 'fix' from drugs; it can also have impact of lowering libido. Alcohol, even though it lowers inhibitions, it IS a CNS depressant. Take away that depressant, and maybe it's possible to have increased libido. This may explain what is going on with you right now.

I do think there can be such a thing as addiction to sex. It used to be called nymphomania; maybe still is...but in your case I think it is too soon to know if you are indeed addicted to it.

Upward2Enlightenment

Mike, I'm not trying to be judgemental or anything. I would really like to stress that you use caution. There are so many people nowadays with STDs, and don't always show symptoms.

Berrybean

I dunno. When we're alcoholic we put our need for the next drink over everything, and resist thinking about the potential problems it might cause to us and others. Seems like you're doing pretty much that here with sex. Some of the women were married. Okay, so perhaps that isn't a problem for you right now, but if these women do talk to each other, it isn't beyond the bounds of the imagination to see that news could easily spread to their husband. You don't mention children they may or may not have. And yes, they are responsible for their behaviour. You are responsible for yours. Is your desire for a one off easy lay more important than someone's marriage? Especially as women seem to be throwing themselves at you. Seems like this whole sex business is likely to start adding wreckage rather than clear it away, and that doesn't sound much like recovery to me. More like ego continuing to run riot, which is exactly what it does in active alcoholism.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
BB

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html

Kaily

I think it is about instant gratification which is an addiction but as you know there are a lot worse things to be addicted to, it is not bad for your health and as long as nobody gets hurt then fine.

tufty13

I like sex, I really like sex. And as I'm single I really miss it.

But I learned a long time ago that the act itself is meaningless and empty without love too.

Without love there's no real connection, in fact there a disconnect.

Sex as you describe Mike is less likely to be an addiction, it's more likely about acceptance or ego. That's not a judgement, just an opinion.

I live in a small town where people know each other. I'm told I'm good looking and whilst I'm not set for life, neither am I worried about where my next meal is coming from so I actually go out of my way to avoid certain women in my town.

I'll wait for something more meaningful because when the mind, body & soul all join in one, it really is something beautiful. Then it becomes something to shout from the rooftops.

tomsteve

all youre really saying here,mike, is your thought level is at about 16 years old- youre a selfish,selfcentered ego maniac with low self esteem who has to use women to help himself feel better about himself. probably full of fear,too.

youre a legend in your own mind, but there is a solution.


honestly,mike, i read me in your posts a loooong time ago when i made them same excuses,too. mentally and emotionally healthy women dont go running around like that and in all honesty this reads like a line of BS from ya.

Forte

Well said tomsteve. Seriously mike " not all of them are single but that's their choice " ??
If I was you I would have a good look at myself and my view on women..

Hard to take you seriously at all

Aellyce

The desire for the experiences you are describing, Mike (if they are true) can well be that after putting down alcohol, your brain is craving other forms of instant gratification. I experienced similar states after getting sober, wanting to substitute drinking with other obsessive (and often quite delusional) wishes and behaviors. I think others have given you a lot of good feedback. I will comment on your OP where you seemed worried about developing a new addiction. You know, it could well be that and this is how they typically start them "recreationally" and then they can become a habit before we notice and are aware of the process. It may be worth having a good hard look at your motives now.

Perhaps you are acting out insecurities mentally and practically, like other posters have commented. A desire for being desired, craving for admiration. This can be only natural after a long period of living the drunk lifestyle, which is everything but glamorous and attractive. But there are other ways to build self esteem and experience adventure, which can actually improve our self image in lasting ways, a real sense of self not one made up in fantasy. I have been where you are with these desires and experiences and also know how easy it is to lose a grip on reality in them. I have nothing against causal sex if done in a responsible way and if the experiences are actually mutually satisfying. It just sounds to me that yours did not truly fulfill your need, whether exercised in fantasy or in action. It sounds more like a typical binge and I am not surprised that it occurred to you that it may be akin to other addictive behaviors.

Hawkeye13

Sounds like you have an addictive personality and are bored

How about doing something for other people?

Delilah1

Hi Mike,

I too am having a really hard time believing this story. You seemed to be doing well and getting your life back on track. I am assuming you have your wallet back, since you had money for the prostitute.

In January you posted that you were 34 and had never been in a relationship, hadn't even really dated, and and you wanted a wife and children. I can guarantee you sleeping with seven women in a week is not the way to go about making that happen.

Whether this is something that actually happened, or some story you decided to tell, I think it is time to re-evaluate where you are in recovery/life.

juppe

This thread is pretty ridiculous MikeM. It all seems like an excuse for you to log in and brag about your supposed sexual exploits. Then you go and blame the prostitute for everything

MikeM

After this happened, I had a moment where I got worried that it might be a new addiction. But I don't think it is. I guess that now that it became possible, I indulged in it. I suppose it was to get it out of my system.

I got my wallet back at Easter, when we were all together with the family. It felt like I was ready for that step. This whole situation I didn't expect though.

About the risk. Most of the escorts are actually college and university students who want to make some extra money. They lead normal lives, have safe sex with their clients and don't have addictions or illnesses. Back when I was in college, I saw it all the time. It was kind of this thing they had among each other. "You too? So-and-so as well. And I'm going to do it as well." That kind of thing.

Thanks everyone for the input.

tomsteve

and now it reads liks youre rationalizing it all and blaming the women.

zlhzlh

Mike, I have read this thread. I don't think you have an addiction, I also don't think you have a problem. I think you are a healthy hot blooded male........who probably whilst drinking kerbed your sex drive, but now sober it has gone through the roof. As for sex with a prostitute, why bother, save your money! It doesn't sound like you need to pay for sex. Good Luck, use condoms and enjoy. !!

zerothehero

A few thoughts:

First, not everyone, including many mental health professionals, agree with the changes to the DSM (or even agree with the DSM in concept and form).

See here: Sexaholics Anonymous 12-Step Recovery | Recovery.org

This conversation is worthy because it has revealed a broad variety of perceptions and misconceptions regarding sexuality. We can argue over whether or not sex can be an addiction, but what is certain is that many people compulsively engage in sexual behaviors, and engaging in those behaviors can result in distress. This is the real issue; human suffering.

So, if someone is questioning their sexual behavior they are probably suffering at some level due to it. Maybe it's unwarranted guilt, maybe not. Here are some questions to ask ourselves:

Do I feel powerless over my sexual fantasies and behavior?
Have I harmed myself or others (physically, emotionally, psychologically) due to my sexual behavior or fantasies?
Do I feel I should make amends to certain people as a result of my sexual behavior?
Has my sexual behavior resulted in damage to my sense of self?
Has it led to feelings of self-loathing?
Do I regret spending too much time in sexual activity?
Is it an avoidance mechanism? (sex with self or others to avoid responsibilities)
Has it resulted in relationship problems?
Financial problems?
Health problems?
Employment?

The question really is whether or not an individual's values and beliefs are aligned with their behavior. If not, suffering will occur.

Aellyce

Well then take the lessons from the experience if you think there are some and if it has made you uneasy in some ways, don't do it again. That must not be hard if you don't have a compulsion.

I am responding on this thread because it reminded me of a thread I started yesterday myself, that was also related to sex though a very different context. In my case, I now realize that I used all those "arguments" to cling to something that is primarily a distraction and excuse. I was also saying there that sex is a natural and enjoyable component of my life that I don't tend to abuse. But I used it to rationalize some fears and (I think) insecurities. In my case, it was a form of avoidance I think. Discuss something I feel more secure about instead of what really makes me upset right now.

As far as I know, there can be many different motivations behind what makes a woman choose prostitution, just like any other profession. I feel that now you are using the fact that many of them are decent people with ordinary backgrounds to make yourself more comfortable with what you originally seemed to resent. So don't do it again if it makes you conflicted. I think it's human that we want to be desired and there is nothing wrong with having sex for the sake of sex, we don't need to become saints because we are recovering from alcoholism. And many of us are deprived of natural pleasure during active substance addiction. The thing to do is to be responsible and safe with it. I personally don't think that your thread is ridiculous, not any more than other threads where someone questions their choices and/or show a bit of denial. I know as fact that many of us never discuss insecurities and worries around sex (here and elsewhere) because there is so much sensitivity and taboo on the topic, and people tend to react strongly, which is understandable but just too bad that the subject is so often avoided or rejected while it can cause considerable amount of distress. I completely agree with zero's post above, those are good questions to consider if you feel some introspection is necessary.

Anna

Since the OP has stated twice that his original post is no longer an issue, this thread will be closed.