| butcher70 | 04-02-2016 01:29 AM |
New to this
Just wanted to post some advise. I glanced over this site while sitting up reflecting after a long shift about how things in my life are starting to come back together after losing/giving allot of things in by life to alcohol. Haven't had a drop in almost three years. Didn't write the exact date I stopped on down. I honestly stopped and relapsed so many times that I quite writing them down. I apologize for no paragraph breaks, I do not have a computer only a cell and I can't figure it out how to make this semi literate. My quick story about my alcoholism started like allot of others. Normal days off have anywhere from 6-12 beers maybe once or twice a week. I was on pace with everyone else. When things hit the skids in my personal life and work life my booze intake started creeping up to more beers and drinking them more days than not. After quitting my job and being unable to get back into my field of work (due to word getting around about my drinking), I really let it go. Depression kicked in and fed the booze and the booze fed the depression and the two went round and around. At my worst I was drinking 40-50 12 ounce ice beers in day, everyday. To not drink would lead to withdraw so bad I couldn't get up out of bed without drinking a few and usually threw the first few up. By this point I had lost my fiancee, my house, my job, and allot of friends. l Don't recall how many times I went to a spin and dry to attempt to get off of the booze only to sign myself out or start right back to the bottle as soon as I got home. This went on for a little over a year. I did talk to my doctor and of course was in complte denial and lied to him about the amount and frequency I drank. I also drove all the time I drank these amounts. Everyday now i thank god I never killed anyone or wrecked. I weighed about 190 lbs when I was 260 and pretty muscular before. I was gonna die. Finally after seeing my doc I came clean about everything. To detox me the hospital pretty much knocked me out. During this time I don't remember any of it and all I can say is mentally it was hell. I was told I at one point tore out my iv's ripped off the door and tried to fight with 5 security guards. They had to give me so much sedative I started having troubles breathing and finally woke up abou three weeks later on a vent. I was in the hospital for three weeks. Than went to a thirty day treatment center that was county funded. Some things I wanted to point out that can't stress enough to those that are trying to quit and are struggling. One- detox! Talk to your doctor!!! Don't ******** your doctor!! Be 100% honest! It will help speed it up and not suck as bad. Don't listen to most ******** advise on the internet about how so and so did it. Everyone is different and detox is nothing to play around with its dangerous and real! Get to the doctor and get a plan for a safe detox. 2. After detox is done talk to the hospital about a after care plan, I recommend at least 30 days. Don't kid yourself about being to broke, got get the state insurance and ask them for programs to help. They exist. I drank all my money away and still got the help I need and am damn grateful. Remember if/ when you get to the program there are from all walks of life. Your all there for a addiction. 3- when your out of the program find something that works for you to replace the booze you were using for the hurt. AA is a great choice but not for everyone. Find something. Running, lifting, short of anything illegal your main focus for awhile is avoiding that first drink and avoiding situations where you will be tempted to do it. If you always drink with a certain friend , avoid that friend. If a certain song makes you want to drink, avoid it. Time is what your going for. And time is really the only thing that makes the cravings allot more manageable. Two more big things I want to hit on. If you relapse do not just say screw it and go on a full blown bender. Try again as soon as possible. It's a hard thing to beat. And people that have not gone through it dont understand. I would get a month or two sober built up and have some stupid thing set me off and I was right back to it. The anxiety slowly tapers off. It will not last. Keep following up with your doctor on this as well. If you don't like it feel comfortable with your doctor get a new one. If you don't feel comfortable with him/her you will be less likely to be forthcoming and it won't help tip the odds in your favor. And if someone is reading this who has beaten or is still fighting an addition and is thinking about having that first drink what helps me not do it is remember all the bad times the bottle brought me, don't think if the good times. When the deamon that will probably always ride on my shoulder whispers to me I have earned a few cold ones I remember the hospital, I remember how my friends and family looked at me. I remember the note my ex fiancee left me saying the relationship was over because I wouldn't get help. I remember buying a six pack of beer with change and hands shaking so bad I was dropping change everywhere holding the line up with a large group of people glaring at me at 8 in the morning while I was covered in detox sweat. When I think about bringing beer back into my life I remember all of that too is included in the package. Booze will take away from you all your willing to let it have. You can stop. You can be happy again. Slowly and with time. Thanks. And I hope this helps somebody. | 