Well, I'm new here ... And this is no April fools joke
 

I had a year and a half sobriety.

HONESTY ?

I'm drunk as I type this message. Did I hit rock bottom ? I have 10 times before, but I'm e,bar asset this time. My daughter ignores me. She's now seen me drunk at 12 going on 13. Although she has the maturity level of a 16 year old.

To be honest ? I know the slogans. I know what to do. I'm struggling with believing the **** again. That's why I need an old timer and a lot of new comers right now.

An old timer because I don't have all the answers, God forbid ! And new comers because they take my mind off my problems.

If you're a newcomer and you think this program is BS please message me. I truly would like to talk to you. Not to change your mind. Just to talk.

In the meantime, I'm hoping I'll fin someone in live chat tonight.

Hey there, I forgot all about April fools! Are you gonna give sobriety another go?

Hi Ryan - welcome :)

I'm not in AA if that's the programme you're referring to - but I know full well slogans alone won't keep you or me or anyone else sober.

Only hard work commitment and diligence can do that.

You'll find a lot of support and understanding here...but whats your recovery plan this time? what are you going to do differently?

D

Welcome to the family. :) You'll find lots of support here. I hope we can help you get sober for good. :)

We have a chat meeting tonight (Friday) at 9pm EDT.

Welcome Ryan

Hi ryan. Thank you for your message, it has really helped me today and I really feel feel for the struggle that you are going through.
I first knew I was an alcoholic 10 years ago when my youngest daughter was your daughters age.
I went to AA several times over the course of the years, I listened to their messages, sat in the rooms, stood up and said I was an alcoholic and then went back out there because I didn't want "that label" and to be with "those people".... I wanted to be like a "normal" person. I figured I could do it on my own but failed and failed again. I went to see therapists, hypnotists, acupuncture, I read every every book imaginable and even did a stint in rehab but I still continued to drink.
My beautiful daughter has seen me drunk more times than I can remember, I have made so many broken promises only to dash them against the walls of my evil addiction. I have seen her pain and tried desperately not to hurt her again but I always have to the extent that now at 22 she has gone to the other side of the world to get away from my drinking. I feel sad that her last image of me was sitting in the dark hiding clutching a bottle of wine.
Self will and other methods have got me absolutely nowhere and it is only now that I see I am not a "normal" drinker and never will be, I have no control over what I do when I drink and if I carry on as I have done, I won't live another 10 years. For me i now see AA is the only way. I admit freely without resentment that I am an alcoholic and I am exactly like "those people" and I embrace them for they are the ones who will hold my hand out of this dark destructive place.
Today 3 days in I am so grateful for AA and I know I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Take care ryan. Your daughter will speak to you again, she is just hurt and angry.
Elle

I can't say if the Promises of AA are true, I haven't been at it that long and am a skeptical person. My sponsor is a simple country boy with 11 years sober and has sponsored many people. He said he was like me at first and worked the Steps to prove them wrong. He also told that that Everyone he worked with that tried and worked the steps became sober and stayed that way. He's not the kinda guy to lie or exaggerate.

It's a simple program but smart people have trouble with it because they rationalize and think too much.

Welcome Ryan, you will find lots of support on SR. Dee's question is spot on as always, do you have a plan for this time around?

Welcome to the Forum Ryan!! :wave:

Welcome Ryan :)

Welcome to SR Ryan

Welcome Ryan. The whole idea is dead simple and the degree of difficulty is optional, it's largely up to us. We can do this the hard way and struggle against what is real and ultimately fail, or we can take the lazy easy way out and accept that drinking is done. I voted for lazy and easy myself. I accepted my drinking was over - all of it. And I chose to look at it as the end of the hangovers and nausea, the end of the depression and anxiety, the shame and the guilt. I chose to look at it that way simply because that would make my success more likely. I chose to look at it as the beginning of new pleasures, joys, satisfactions and accomplishments.

You can look at it as deprivation if you want, a struggle, a disease, a genetic curse, but I personally didn't find that helpful for me. Sorta like the monkey that is trapped by his refusal to let go the banana.

You can do this. You deserve it. You don't deserve that life of misery and anguish and shame. Let go the banana, and grab onto life and never let go. Onward!

Oh how I wish I had the opportunity to be sober for my daughter but I don't because she died.

I doubt my pain, knowing I wasted so precious moments will keep you from drinking but I can tell you for certain sober time with your daughter is the most precious gift you will ever be given.

Fathers aren't supposed to outlive their children but it happens. My daughter's passing only allowed me to see with clarity what a precious gift she was and what a horrible waste were my years drinking while she yet lived.

There is an incredible life out there and the first step is putting the plug in the jug.