horsestaple

Hi all.

I don't really know what to say here so I'm just going to type and see what comes out.

I'm a Brit living in Australia and have decided after 26 years of fairly heavy drinking, for an alcoholic any from what I've read, to quit. I have given up the bottle twice before, once a couple of years back under the doctor for about 3 months and again a few weeks ago for 11 days.

I'm on day 7 and it's going okay. I had about 3 days of shakiness and while I do shake a bit for a few minutes or even seconds now and again that seems to have gone away as does the sweats. I have a horrible pain in my belly and searching for a reason using Dr Google led me to this site.

Why did I stop? I've functioned pretty well for decades now as a drunk but I can see the wheels starting to come off. There have been a few times when I've had a drink before breakfast recently (never did that except when with a big group at champagne breakfast event or something and I've always avoided even drinking at lunchtime) and that really scared me. Also, I'm just bored of drinking....bored, bored, bored. It's no fun anymore and turns me into a tosser.

Why am I here? I'm hoping that meeting up with a few fellow souls might be helpful for me and hopefully I can offer support to others in turn. I considered AA but I'm not sure it's for me quite honestly.

Anyway, I wish you all well and thank you for reading (if you still are!).

Bunny211

Hi and welcome! Life is so much better sober. And yes....the wheels do eventually come off, don't they?

horsestaple

Hi Bunny211.

It was amazing. I could just see that things were in the process of going very horribly wrong and very, very quickly.

Previously when I've stopped drinking the stopping was a breeze, it was staying stopped that was the problem. This time stopping has been a nightmare, just dreadful. My stomach is FUBAR'd and the sweats, sheesh.

I think that it being tougher is what I needed. The worse the giving up is the less likely I am to want to go back to drinking and then go through this again.

Any advice for what makes a prodigious drinker into a non-drinking person?

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support here. I hope we can help you get sober for good.

ccam1973

Welcome to SR Horsestaple. Like Bunny said, the wheels really do come off. I drank heavily every day for just over 21 years. Then, my around-the-clock drinking started; one drink before breakfast. Pretty soon I was justifying drinking all day.

Trust me, you will be so much happier being sober than having your every move being dictated by alcohol. Having a plan for when your thoughts gravitate toward drinking helps tremendously.

You've got the power to break this cycle and never have to go through this pain again.

Welcome aboard.

Gardengirl80

Hi, I'm on day four, I also have the bad stomach pains and I'm hoping staying sober will help my body repair. That's impressive that you've managed to stop for a year. I've been going to AA for several months, but find it difficult to get there as I live 2 hours away and work.
I hope you find this site helpful. I certainly do, just reading people's posts is motivating and knowing I'm not alone in this miserable state I've put myself in. And reading people's stories that have stayed sober for a long time is quite inspiring. We can do it!
Other people have stressed the importance of making a plan for yourself. I plan out 24 hours at a time right now. Thanks for your post
Take care

Zufrieden

Hi Horsestaple and welcome.
You'll find lots of help with your question here as many of us were prodigious drinkers.
For me:
-deciding in my heart to never drink again and having faith that it was the right decision.
-following that decision and realizing with each sober day that life was immeasurably better. At some point you begin to realize that nothing is lost by quitting and the world begins to open up. What seemed like a necessary sacrifice now seems like an invaluable gift. The drinking years were actually years not fully experienced or lived.
I wish you well.
Jonathan

amazingjoy

Welcome horsestaple...glad you joined us. There are so many good resources here on SR that can help!

Like Gardengirl80 said, she's just planning one day at a time right now...you can find the right plan for you!

freshstart57

The answer is much simpler than you might think. You become a non-drinking person by never drinking again, and accepting that in a profound way. The part that takes the work is living, no longer hiding in a bottle. It takes commitment, energy, focus and drive. It takes a belief in self, and a demand for the pleasure and satisfaction that can only come from a job well done. It takes confidence to say yes to new opportunities and challenges.

Advice? Well, here goes! Make small positive changes that increase your good energy and the good energy of others. Keep moving forward. Practice gratitude. Practice acceptance. Be gentle with yourself. It will happen. Onward!

firstymer

Quitting alcohol is, obviously, difficult. Adjusting to a sober lifestyle is also tricky, but not as difficult as quitting. As a non-drinker, you will find that you won't want to go to some of the same places that you used to (e.g. bars), and you won't want to hang out with some of the same people that you used to (e.g. other heavy drinkers). And you will have to find ways to fill the time that had otherwise been spent drunk or hungover.

For me, however, the challenge of living alcohol free quickly turned into an opportunity. An opportunity to do all of the many things that I was unable to do as a heavy drinker. I have new and better hobbies. I have new and better relationships. And I get SO much more accomplished than I used to.

My humble advice is that you stay focused on your sobriety first. Without that, nothing else matters. So, develop a plan for your sobriety. You will find lots of good ideas here for that. Identify those things that might trigger a relapse, and find ways to avoid those triggers. After a few months, once you have your feet under you, you can focus on some of the lifestyle adjustments that you will want to make as a non-drinker.

Good luck. And welcome to the SR family.

Soberwolf

Welcome Horsestaple

mav

Welcome horsestaple. You're absolutely not alone in saying the staying stopped bit is hard.

Having a solid plan may help you.

ZenButterfly

Hi, I'm new too. Look forward to supporting you.

horsestaple

Thanks all.

I don't really have much of a plan beyond get up, don't drink all day, do a bunch of stuff and go to bed again. Oh and avoid situations where I'll be offered drink for a while (e.g. Mrs horsestaple is going to drop the kids off and pick them up at a party where I'll likely be offered a glass of wine, "Just one won't hurt right?" yeah right, I know where that leads!).

I've taken 3 weeks vacation from work which will hopefully deal with some or all of the withdrawal itself as I don't think I could feel this rotten and do a meaningful day's work.

My plan to 'excuse' my not drinking is that I have some pretty bad back problems for which I have to take medication and I'll say to people that drinking on the medication messes up my stomach and so I'll have to take something less effective. In Australia not drinking as a man is treated with deep suspicion by other men although it's not as bad as back in England.

The only other plan I guess is to treat myself occasionally with the money saved by not drinking although I strongly suspect that 'my' treats will end up being sports gear for the kids (I read that treating yourself to nice stuff with money saved by not drinking is a good idea).

Any thoughts?

Soberwolf

Here you go

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

IvanMike

How do you turn into a non drinking person? - Don't drink.

In NA part of our literature states "The only way to keep from returning to active addiction is not to take the first drug". - That's it. Simple. Right? - Everyone who has answered your direct question so far has alluded to the idea that you need some sort of daily action plan. IME, the reason we need this plan is to decrease the likelihood that we will start getting loaded again.

I have found that drugs (of which alcohol was one) were not my problem, they were my solution to the way that I felt. Then my solution turned into my biggest problem. A lot more than the wheels came off.

In my case, I found the help I needed in Narcotics Anonymous. It's not the only way to stay clean, but even as a diehard atheist I found that the 12 steps of recovery helped me to address the pain and confusion of living without drugs and of life in general.

All you need to do to stay clean and sober is to not use. - If you want to be rid of the compulsion to get loaded, you have to figure out why you get loaded and address that. - That's called recovery, and that takes time. - Welcome aboard.

I don't care where you live, I don't drink or use other drugs because I don't That's all anyone needs to know. - FWIW, be careful of any medication that is controlled (e.g., if the medication you take for your back happens to be painkillers). Getting loaded is getting loaded and we tend to switch drugs and rationalize why we need to use them all the time and why they are "different". Just food for thought.

Glad you're aboard.

Dee74

Welcome aboard horsetaple

D

horsestaple

Thanks IvanMike.

I take two drugs for my back: 1 is a non-narcotic NSAID (Naprogesic) and the other is a drug that stops the NSAID irritating my stomach (Pantoprazole). Neither are addictive or give any kind of high. I'm not trying to justify anything, just explain where I am. When it gets bad I take codeine with paracetamol, OTC. Given my experiences with alcohol I try to be careful about the amount I take.

I took a lot of drugs when I was younger but never developed an addiction to any of them. I smoked cigarettes from the age of 15 for about 20 years and am basically off the smokes completely (I probably smoke 1 e-cigarette or cigar a year on average).

I've given the 'need to get loaded' thing a lot of thought and I've come down to the idea that when I was younger I felt a need to fit in, the same reason I started smoking and taking drugs. By doing those things I got entry into a group. I no longer feel the need to be part of a group in the way that I did when I was younger but the addiction remains. I've dealt with the smoking, beyond the occasional craving which quickly subsides, but not the drinking.

I think the harder part about giving up drinking is that these days people are positive when you give up smoking whereas giving up drinking is viewed with suspicion at best by many people and you get all that, "Just one won't hurt" crap.

horsestaple

I managed to stop for 3 months, sorry I don't think I was that clear about that.

I'm hoping that I'll find this site motivational. I think it's also helpful to be responsible to people in some way, to have to fess up when I've slipped up (hopefully it won't come to that but I suspect it's not very easy, this not drinking lark).

I wish you well for your sobriety Gardengirl. We are all on a journey together.

horsestaple

Thank you soberwolf. Some really helpful links there, especially the second one.