Day 23 is a mixed blessing
 

So today is day 23 and I've had a mixed bag of a day, my constant headaches seems to be settling down a bit which is great. The kids are off school and my wife is pre menstrual which means lots of shouting and arguing by all 3. Moods been all over the place today, one minute feeling confident and then feeling like my heads going to explode. I'm also starting to resent having to sort everyone else out- met a friend at the pub ( which I'm also starting to loathe), and had to transfer 10k of his debt to a 0% credit card. The annoying part is he is more than able to deal with this himself just can't be bothered because the drink is more important. A lot of it, in fact all of it is down to me not having written a structure for myself and I need to get on and do so.
The other thing I've now realised is I'm not going to punish my self by drinking because I want to show my wife I am angry with her. This is my recovery and if she doesn't want to be part of it then I will set myself free and leave her stuck with her issues.
Anyway time for bed- stay strong everyone:tyou

Making boundaries was something I knew nothing about when I started to recover. I had no respect for myself so I accepted whatever came along. The most freeing part of my recovery has been the ability to say 'No' and feel good about it.

Jtmlk, i completely agree with Anna. You've got to set boundaries that give you the best chance to be successful. Sobriety comes first and everything else will fall into place. My wife didn't understand early on when I quit drinking. I just finally realized that no matter how much she wanted me to drink with her, I couldn't, not now, not ever.

To accomplish that, I had to set boundaries for myself. No boundaries for anyone else, just me. This is my problem and I need to deal with it myself. If their actions didn't fit within my boundaries, I would leave the situation it needed.

You've got to do what ever it takes to give yourself the best chance to not drink today.

Im learning this too. I am a pleaser and a helper by nature and I have always carried family and friends through crisis, no more. I am carrying myself now and my needs come first esp when it comes to sobriety. If other people want to drink and waste their life, so be it. I cannot and will not compromise myself or go above and beyond my capabilities, sober first.

Have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help someone else. Also, DH is still drinking and I hate it but there is nothing I can do. Not my battle. Not sure I will be sticking it out to watch him sink much lower though. Hope I rub off on him somehow.

Just to clarify my wife only drinks about 4 times a year but she has emotional issues that she needs to address.

I agree with the others - boundaries are important - as is talking out your feelings and making your wants known.

There's nothing worse for me than that impotent rage that festers. It gets to feel a lot like it used to when I was drinking.

Congratulations on day 23

Congrats on day 23. :) Your doing great!...