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Old 03-25-2016, 04:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
My heart is a gypsy - continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself...
 
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Struggling to start a new life


Hi, I'm a 20 year old recovered meth addict. My addiction started two years ago. I was bored with life and got caught up in a lifestyle full of adrenaline. A man I was messing around with got me into the escorting business and it was an escape from reality for me. I met a girl who I became partners in crime with- and we both went spiraling downward together. This girl put me onto meth. I first started snorting it, but when I started smoking it, I started going crazy. I ended up in the hospital and psych ward twice, and I've been sober since my last hospital visit. I moved out of state for a year to start a new life. I cut off all old contacts/everyone I got high with and began to go to church. I got employed and when I moved back to my home state, my employer transferred me. Having cut off everyone that I had contact with is very hard for me, and it's difficult not having an adrenaline rush or living a dangerous life which was I was also addicted to (the danger). I am just struggling with keeping out of contact with my old friends, I make fake profiles to check on them and see what they're doing, wishing I was a part of it, but I am very lonely and desperate for new friends. I don't know where to find friends. I feel like a loser going out of the way to look at my old friend's profiles and accounts and I really do not want to end up talking to them again because it's very tempting and I know I will use again if I come into contact with them. How do I stay away??? How do I create a new life??? Help!!!
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Old 03-25-2016, 04:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you've stopped using meth and have gotten out of the lifestyle. I know it's hard to make such big changes, but it's worth it. Volunteer work was what saved me. I got into a volunteer position helping women who were living on the street in my city. I met so many amazing people and made some good friends. Why not look around your community and see what you can offer?
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Old 03-25-2016, 04:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 03-25-2016, 04:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I hear ya, I was there. Until I almost died and realized I wanted to live, even if it was boring.
In addition to Anna's advice, is there anything you want to do or get into that doesn't involve meth? Flying, skydiving, extreme skiing? Try some new stuff; get into some meetup groups? Good luck to you!
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Old 03-25-2016, 04:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I have gained many things from Narcotics Anonymous, not the least of which were friends who understood me and a method of addressing the crazy thinking I still had when clean.

I did NOT want to go. - Best thing I ever did.
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Old 03-25-2016, 04:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm a bit of a danger/ adrenaline junkie too.
Kayaking is good. ( whitewater) try some extreme sports xo
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Old 03-25-2016, 07:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Meth is one tough nut to crack, so good on you for doing it! Meth is also one of the most destructive drugs there is..and if you like adrenaline rushes I can see why you were caught up it. I am so NOT an adrenaline junkie, but my husband is a bit of one. He likes to hike on glaciers and fast cars. If he had his way he'd be a professional race car driver. But he doesn't need any chemicals to get him going because he is ADHD.

I would encourage you, like others have to get into NA and tell yourself, it's okay to be alone. In fact, it's better to alone and clean than to be using with others. It may feel boring sometimes, but you can find healthy fun things to do that won't lead you back into a life with meth. I am like literally NEVER bored but I have heard that being bored for some people can be a trigger, so that's good you are aware of how you are feeling. Also, I don't know what you do for a living, but do you have a fulfilling career?
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Old 03-25-2016, 07:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I like Anna's advice about volunteering. Helping others gets a person out of their own head and less apt to focus on their own misery.
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Old 03-25-2016, 07:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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gratz on kicking meth! that is step one to a more fulfilling life. Like mentioned above have you tried some extreme sports for your adrenaline rush? Such as climbing a mountain, Iron-man Training, kyacking, bow fishing, hang-gliding, EMT Tech, Firefighter, or survival camping in the middle of no-where. There are tons of activities to get a rush that you need to be sober to do. Good luck my friend.
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Old 03-25-2016, 09:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I just want to add that you can do AA as well. You are not limited to NA. A lot of people I've met in AA aren't just recovering from alcohol but meth/heroin/cocaine etc. it's all about what works for YOU. I'd say alcoholic is an umbrella term. At the end of the day we all have a thinking disease our thinking is simply messed up and the tools in AA or NA or CMA or wherever you find help combination of outpatient/therapy/prayer will help fix that thinking. Bored? Study abroad, find ways to travel etc but before jumping into anything get this sobriety stuff down. I get bored easily too but am focusing on figuring out which recovery method works best for me. Priorities
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Old 03-25-2016, 09:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome, and great job making the choice to separate from people who would tempt you to go back to old habits.

Lots of great advice above, volunteering is always a great way to go. Also, your sense of adventure sounds like a good fit for some sort of adventure group. I know there are lots of adventure races, and also lots of training events that allow you to combine training for a race/triathlon with raising money for charity. It also hooks you up with instant friends.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!!
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Old 03-26-2016, 12:02 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you as much as it's helped me.
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Old 03-26-2016, 02:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
My heart is a gypsy - continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself...
 
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Thank you all for your helpful suggestions. I currently work as a makeup artist. I make decent income, but I am tired and unsatisfied with the beauty industry. I am supposed to start college this fall, and I'm waiting on my acceptance letters. I'm hoping that I will meet people there that I can have fulfilling relationships with. I recently had a breast augmentation done, in hopes of finally coming to terms with my body and loving myself. I am hoping to start working out as soon as my body recovers in a few weeks. I'm hoping to do drop in kickboxing classes and the gym. One of my biggest problems that I'm hoping to solve is that I have to discover new interests because I feel like without being high my personality is a bore, which is why I struggle to make friends. I am not interested in anything, I don't even know what kind of music I like these days. I feel like I'm just living day to day, wasting time....
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Old 03-26-2016, 05:33 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I'd give yourself some time to discover who sober you is before you make any grand changes.

I'd drunk for so long I'd forgotten who the real me was. It took me a few months to rediscover that person, but I'm glad I did

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Old 03-26-2016, 06:06 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Glad to meet you, lavitavaavanti. I'm really glad you've made this huge change in your life - I know how difficult it is, but things won't always be this frustrating.

It's normal to have an adjustment period. We have to learn to live in a whole new way. The old, addicted "us" no longer exists. I drank for decades & I felt boring too. Things changed after a few months, though. Be patient with yourself - you're still healing.
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Old 03-26-2016, 06:57 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lavitavaavanti View Post
Hi, I'm a 20 year old recovered meth addict. My addiction started two years ago. I was bored with life and got caught up in a lifestyle full of adrenaline. A man I was messing around with got me into the escorting business and it was an escape from reality for me. I met a girl who I became partners in crime with- and we both went spiraling downward together. This girl put me onto meth. I first started snorting it, but when I started smoking it, I started going crazy. I ended up in the hospital and psych ward twice, and I've been sober since my last hospital visit. I moved out of state for a year to start a new life. I cut off all old contacts/everyone I got high with and began to go to church. I got employed and when I moved back to my home state, my employer transferred me. Having cut off everyone that I had contact with is very hard for me, and it's difficult not having an adrenaline rush or living a dangerous life which was I was also addicted to (the danger). I am just struggling with keeping out of contact with my old friends, I make fake profiles to check on them and see what they're doing, wishing I was a part of it, but I am very lonely and desperate for new friends. I don't know where to find friends. I feel like a loser going out of the way to look at my old friend's profiles and accounts and I really do not want to end up talking to them again because it's very tempting and I know I will use again if I come into contact with them. How do I stay away??? How do I create a new life??? Help!!!
AlAnoners have a couple of things to say about this: "not my monkeys, not my circus", and "stay on your own side of the street." Checking in on your friends seems to be undermining your own recovery. Put first things first, focus on your recovery, and leave your old world behind.

As Nietzsche wrote, "when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you." Lift your eyes to your own path. Cultivate new friends, grow a new social life, and keep your eye on the ball.
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There's two kinds of people on this beach -- the dead, and those who will get killed. Now let's get moving and get off this beach. --Charles Canham, Col, USA, at Omaha Beach 6 Jun 44

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Old 03-26-2016, 07:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
My heart is a gypsy - continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself...
 
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Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post
AlAnoners have a couple of things to say about this: "not my monkeys, not my circus", and "stay on your own side of the street." Checking in on your friends seems to be undermining your own recovery. Put first things first, focus on your recovery, and leave your old world behind.

As Nietzsche wrote, "when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you." Lift your eyes to your own path. Cultivate new friends, grow a new social life, and keep your eye on the ball.
I love this. Thank you for your encouragement.
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Old 03-26-2016, 08:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Glad to help. We can do this.
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There's two kinds of people on this beach -- the dead, and those who will get killed. Now let's get moving and get off this beach. --Charles Canham, Col, USA, at Omaha Beach 6 Jun 44

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