Scared to go to AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 43
Scared to go to AA
I told myself (many times in fact) that if I cannot go at least 30 days and then continue to quit drinking on my own then I would force myself to join AA. That was about 4 years ago, and guess what? Ya, still trying and failing.
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by lovingliving 
I told myself (many times in fact) that if I cannot go at least 30 days and then continue to quit drinking on my own then I would force myself to join AA. That was about 4 years ago, and guess what? Ya, still trying and failing.
Originally Posted by lovingliving
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
Originally Posted by lovingliving
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
Originally Posted by lovingliving
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
Originally Posted by lovingliving
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
Originally Posted by lovingliving
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Have you called them? Just call them and talk through your concerns.
Have you spoken with an addiction counselor? An addiction counselor may be able to recommend alternatives to AA.
Whatever you do, please pull the trigger. Don't keep kicking the can down the road. Do something today.
Have you spoken with an addiction counselor? An addiction counselor may be able to recommend alternatives to AA.
Whatever you do, please pull the trigger. Don't keep kicking the can down the road. Do something today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Originally Posted by lovingliving
I told myself (many times in fact) that if I cannot go at least 30 days and then continue to quit drinking on my own then I would force myself to join AA. That was about 4 years ago, and guess what? Ya, still trying and failing.
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
Secondly if you run into someone you know, they will too be there for the same reason, their annoyminity to AA will be just as important to yours too. Who you see and what you hear or say is kept within the rooms and other members of AA
If you burst into tears, you wont be the first and you certaintly wont be the last. So dont worry about that.
You dont have to say anything at all, you can sit and listen. If you are ask to read you can decline and no one will think anything of you for it.
AA has been the best thing I have ever done. I am so so pleased I faced my fear and done it anyway, it REALLY is helping me stay sober x x x
If you are at all worried you can ring the helpline and they can arrange for a member to meet you there, so you dont have to do it alone x x x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Can you call your regional office & see if someone will meet you there?
I'm no longer going to meetings at this time. I do remember the fears, the what if's. Driving to meetings sitting in parking lot, not going in. Once you make it through the doors, you may be surprised at how many people felt this way. Even old timers when they go to a new meeting.. You will likely be warmly welcomed.. It's not uncommon to feel fear, or not wanting to join in, or worrying about what others think, or seeing people cry at meetings.
Your not a failure!.... You may even learn recovery tools, meet a friend at AA.
Hopefully, someone with more AA experience will come by. There is a specific forum for AA on this web site.
Really glad your here.
I'm no longer going to meetings at this time. I do remember the fears, the what if's. Driving to meetings sitting in parking lot, not going in. Once you make it through the doors, you may be surprised at how many people felt this way. Even old timers when they go to a new meeting.. You will likely be warmly welcomed.. It's not uncommon to feel fear, or not wanting to join in, or worrying about what others think, or seeing people cry at meetings.
Your not a failure!.... You may even learn recovery tools, meet a friend at AA.
Hopefully, someone with more AA experience will come by. There is a specific forum for AA on this web site.
Really glad your here.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I bet everyone who's walked through the doors of AA has felt exactly the same way.
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
[People you will know...who are there for the same reason you are. And if people you know are sober, they can help you get sober]
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
[Did being shy and reserved ever stop you from drinking and getting drunk? Then don't let it stop you from getting sober]
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
[You haven't even gone and you are worried about failing. That's called "future tripping." Stop it.]
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
[The problem is real. So is the solution}
Originally Posted by lovingliving
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
[People you will know...who are there for the same reason you are. And if people you know are sober, they can help you get sober]
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
[Did being shy and reserved ever stop you from drinking and getting drunk? Then don't let it stop you from getting sober]
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
[You haven't even gone and you are worried about failing. That's called "future tripping." Stop it.]
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
[The problem is real. So is the solution}
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 43
Thank you.. I will get the nerve up... just going to stay here and keep posting until I feel like I can do it. You guys are so helpful. Thank you soo much.
Maybe joining an online meeting would be a way to ease into it?
Maybe joining an online meeting would be a way to ease into it?
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
One of my favorite posts from the archive here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...a-meeting.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...a-meeting.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 44
I totally understand! I have 83 days today, i have been to 1 meeting in all those days. It was fine, good actually but i kept thinking, eventually these people are going to want me to talk too! But it is what i need to do so i plan on pushing myself to go, i think you should give it a try as well good luck, i am right here with you
good luck, i am right here with you 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Don't be scared. When you go you will find enormous welcome. They will clap heir hands and shake you by the hand. Hug you. And immediately you will feel an enormous sense of relief. Your loneliness and sense of isolation, uncertainty about facing your issues, will disappear. Try it right now! You need not say anything. If you go to an "Open" meeting, You need not say "I'm an alcoholic". Give yourself a big Easter Present and try it!
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
remember, it's a MEETING.....trust me, there isn't a big vat of boiling oil in the middle of the room that they toss the newcomer's in to! 
get there a bit early, so you can sit in the car and wait for a few other people to show up. notice they don't have three heads. and remember they are there for the exact same reason YOU are there......you already belong to the club!!!!!
best of luck.
get there a bit early, so you can sit in the car and wait for a few other people to show up. notice they don't have three heads. and remember they are there for the exact same reason YOU are there......you already belong to the club!!!!!
best of luck.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by lovingliving
I told myself (many times in fact) that if I cannot go at least 30 days and then continue to quit drinking on my own then I would force myself to join AA. That was about 4 years ago, and guess what? Ya, still trying and failing.
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
When I told my wife I was concerned if I went to AA everyone would know I have a problem she chuckled.......Honey, they already know. I was the the last to know......
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
For me the release of pain and finding I didn't have to drink anymore was a release unlike anything I've ever experienced.
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
Fear kept me drinking for many, many years............AA doesn't pass out grades, you can't fail.
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
You already know that, right? You're not posting on a cooking forum~
Im scared to go to AA for the following reasons. Please help me understand better. Is there a way to ease into it?
1. Embarrassment - I live in a small community and am pretty sure I will run into people I know
When I told my wife I was concerned if I went to AA everyone would know I have a problem she chuckled.......Honey, they already know. I was the the last to know......
2. Im shy and reserved - The thought of going brings me to tears, pretty sure I will burst into tears if I go (again embarrassing)
For me the release of pain and finding I didn't have to drink anymore was a release unlike anything I've ever experienced.
3. What if I cant do it? - This feels like a last resort and if this fails I wouldn't know where else to turn
Fear kept me drinking for many, many years............AA doesn't pass out grades, you can't fail.
4. Makes it all real - no more denying that I have a very serious problem.
You already know that, right? You're not posting on a cooking forum~
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
What strikes me the most is that all my life I have felt misunderstood, until I walked into AA there are actually other people who are like me, their drinking histories maybe different, their consequences may also differ but its bloody amazing you will find identification with everyone who shares in that room. I had a very tough day yesterday and it was a miracle I didnt pick up a drink, I went to AA instead.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 59
I hear ya lovingliving, I'm going to my first one tomorrow night and am nervous as hell.....I'm gona go for it though.
Crying in front of a load of people is no more embarrassing than some of the crazy s*** I've done in front of a load of people.. One constructive, one destructive.
Crying in front of a load of people is no more embarrassing than some of the crazy s*** I've done in front of a load of people.. One constructive, one destructive.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Germany
Posts: 81
Itīs ok to be afraid!
After you went, Iīm sure you will see that the fear is not grounded in reality.
I feel very at home in my AA group. We all have the same deadly condition called alcoholism.
My AA friends are understanding, tolerant and when we share we all put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Sometimes people cry "but whe arenīt a glum lot". Thereīs also laughter and happyness.
I have made great friends there. But the most important thing is, is that it works.
Iīm 9 months dry. Others are 20, 30 years dry and sober. And they still go to AA because they like it so much, not because they feel they need to.
It might be the best thing that has happened to me in a long time...
Be brave, medicine is not supposed to taste sweet. Itīs supposed to help!
Fear nothing!
After you went, Iīm sure you will see that the fear is not grounded in reality.
I feel very at home in my AA group. We all have the same deadly condition called alcoholism.
My AA friends are understanding, tolerant and when we share we all put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Sometimes people cry "but whe arenīt a glum lot". Thereīs also laughter and happyness.
I have made great friends there. But the most important thing is, is that it works.
Iīm 9 months dry. Others are 20, 30 years dry and sober. And they still go to AA because they like it so much, not because they feel they need to.
It might be the best thing that has happened to me in a long time...
Be brave, medicine is not supposed to taste sweet. Itīs supposed to help!
Fear nothing!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: United kingdom
Posts: 360
I went to my first AA meeting last week, I suffer awfully with anxiety as well as a host of other mental health probs. We all fear the unknown but by being vulnerable we are also courageous. I have to say that the group I went to was full with kind, thoughtful people who seemed to deeply care.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
