Penelopepitstop

Back drinking.
Working 80 hours a week since February.! In debt up to my eyeballs. Businesses losing money. Being falsely accused of bullying. False back injury claim by an employee pending. I've cancled my ivf treatment . I don't have time to swim anymore. My house is upside down. I love my husband but besause we work such erratic hours we never see each other. I miss him. I'm stuck with all this ****. I don't deserve this. I'm angry at the world. I have very bad heart burn for almost 2 weeks. No time to go to doctor. Drank 3 bottles of wine last night. Just about to start at 14 hour shift. Death is my only way out but I don't want to die yet and im not leaving my husband alone with this mess. I did not create this. I'm stuck cleaning up my previous generations mess. We owe the bank 10 million. I have -€1200 in my personal bank account. My life is spent putting on a false smile and serving the public. 5:30am to 9pm mon-sat. Jail would be an easier sentence but Id miss my husband. So I'm drinking.

Penelopepitstop

If I didn't have an elderly father in law Id jack it in. Run away and start again

OldTomato

I'm sorry to hear all that but how is drinking going to help any of it?

Penelopepitstop

It helps me block all the crap out. After 10 minutes I feel happy. I forget the debt, the staff, the customers, the no kids, the daily grind that is my life.. 29 days sober only made me work harder and take on more bloody work. But I would like to be back there again.

Penelopepitstop

I have to vomit now. Great

Dee74

Hi Penelope. I moved your thread to newcomers so you'll get more response

It may be hard to see it now but stopping drinking is your only realy way out of this situation.

If you get sober you have an excellent chance of being able top work through all the other stuff you've mentioned...if you drink you have no chance at all.

It may seem like a real leap of faith right now, but trust me, I've been there. Change won't happen over night but I can trace all my change back to the day I stopped drinking.

Give yourself a chance. It's nearly lunch time there yeah?

Dump whatever booze you have. Drink some water. Take a nap.

Make a line in the sand to start again from now.

I believe you can do this,

D

Fabela

I cannot even begin to fathom what you are going through, Penny. Drinking helps only for a short while, and then you'll have to deal with the real world again. Drinking doesn't solve any problem, and getting sober might only solve a few, but getting sober makes you stronger and better equipped to deal with life's ordeals. You deserve to be strong.

I'm glad you found us. You'll find tremendous support and help here, we're here for you.

Cleomie

Praying for you.
❤️

Soberwolf

Drinking isn't the answer x

least

I hope you can get back to living sober. Drinking is no way to live. And tho it makes you forget for a bit, when you sober up, all the problems are still there and you're hungover on top of it. Please make this your day one.

doggonecarl

Drinking is jacking it in and running away.

I understand wanting to bail out. I won't tell you not to. But the only way to start over, really start over, is to be sober.

ScottFromWI

I get that Penelope. I tried to block out all the "crap" for years with alcohol. And truth be told, at one time it did temporarily work for those "10 minutes". Unfortunately though, the "crap" is always still there - and you always have to deal with it eventually. Additionally, you will most likely progress to the stage where those 10 minutes of relief don't even exist anymore. It's called "mainetnance drinking" by some, but basically it means that you can't even feel normal without being drunk. And then after that, you don't even feel normal when you are drunk..you simply drink to avoid having withdrawals/hear palpitaions/etc.

I won't lie to you either - the initial days/weeks/months of sobriety are going to be hard - very hard. But the reward of being free of those chains and learning how to deal with life far, far outweigh any temporary discomfort you'll go through.

Bunny211

You sound a lot like me. I really never thought that I could get out of the black pit that had become my life. My life has become so much better and easier since I quit drinking.

Your job and living situation sounds stressful. Once you get sober you will be able to figure out what you want and what you DON'T want in your life. I now have the power and the discernment to say "I'm not going to work a job I hate just so I can make X amount of $$. I think I'd rather have a smaller place to live, a simpler life, and a less stressful job."

My suggestion is to stop drinking, get detox if you need it, and start working on building a sober, happy life you don't have to run away from with pills, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, shopping etc.

Delilah1

Hi Penelope,

The good news is you are here, so you want to stop and you want to be sober. I know it isn't easy, and financial situations definitely make things harder. My husband and I had a rough financial year due to unemployment and disability. We are making less than we were last year, and are in the process of trying to get back on track.

When I look at our debt or account balance, I get that sick feeling in my stomach, but we are working on things one step at a time. Is there someone you can talk to about what you owe, and have help you put a plan in place to begin to tackle that?

Sounds like work is pretty stressful as well, can you find a way to cut back on some of the hours you are there, and carve out some time for you to swim?

I know it seems overwhelming, but trying to handle all of this after drinking 3 bottles of wine the night before is only going to make it more difficult.

You can do this, it will not always be easy, but you can do this!!!!

❤️ Delilah

CaseyW

Hope you give sobriety another chance, Penelopepitstop. It doesn't sound like this way is working so great for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers...

thomas11

It's pretty apparent you run a business and you are on the hamster wheel going full blast and not getting ahead. I would take a step back and do a serious business analysis and see if bankruptcy relief is a realistic option. I've had to do it in the past. I ended up not filing, but I know the stress that it involves. 10 million is a good chunk of change. Its a double edge sword because the drinking and stress feed off each other. Horrible, and I feel for you. At the same time, drinking is not helping the situation and it seems like you realize that. Wish you the best.