Accountability
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 43
Accountability
Accountability is a huge thing that matters for me. I just don't have it with alcohol. I've even tried to approach my husband to tell him...I want to stop, make me accountable. Then I never can make myself tell him that. Because then I know he would do what I ask.
I've had every excuse to drink...HORRIFIC family deaths back to back. And these family members were ones I talked to and could confide in. And now they're gone. So of course I dealt with that loss with alcohol.
Well now I want to move on. I'm tired of my life revolving around alcohol. I've had high liver enzymes, leg swelling, hormone problems that make me gain a LOT of weight when I drink...just pure hell. But I keep doing it. I've stopped drinking, and then started back several times. No need to explain because everyone here knows how the stories go. Same stuff.
Get clean, binge, then get clean and know I can regulate...then binge. Same story. I'm not yet ready for AA and to admit to anyone else I have a problem. I know I do, but NOBODY else does. It's embarrassing. I know people in our local AA, and it is nobody I would want to know I have a problem. It's actually people I am pretty mad at from things with my dead loved one. They would be the ones to be hateful and tell my entire family of my problem. In other words...AA for me would NOT be anonymous! I guess I really do need at least one person I have to answer to. I think if I had even one person I had to answer to, that would make a difference. Who should it be? I don't know.
Any advice on who to get help from without using AA? A source that really is anonymous?
I've had every excuse to drink...HORRIFIC family deaths back to back. And these family members were ones I talked to and could confide in. And now they're gone. So of course I dealt with that loss with alcohol.
Well now I want to move on. I'm tired of my life revolving around alcohol. I've had high liver enzymes, leg swelling, hormone problems that make me gain a LOT of weight when I drink...just pure hell. But I keep doing it. I've stopped drinking, and then started back several times. No need to explain because everyone here knows how the stories go. Same stuff.
Get clean, binge, then get clean and know I can regulate...then binge. Same story. I'm not yet ready for AA and to admit to anyone else I have a problem. I know I do, but NOBODY else does. It's embarrassing. I know people in our local AA, and it is nobody I would want to know I have a problem. It's actually people I am pretty mad at from things with my dead loved one. They would be the ones to be hateful and tell my entire family of my problem. In other words...AA for me would NOT be anonymous! I guess I really do need at least one person I have to answer to. I think if I had even one person I had to answer to, that would make a difference. Who should it be? I don't know.
Any advice on who to get help from without using AA? A source that really is anonymous?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
SR is pretty anonymous and it worked for me.
If you feel you need the live person to person thing there are other meeting based groups - like SMART or Lifering - but they may not being as handy as an AA meeting might be.
If you're really worried about people knowing - and you're not convinced about the anonymous aspect - could you travel to the next town or something?
There are online meetings too.
D
If you feel you need the live person to person thing there are other meeting based groups - like SMART or Lifering - but they may not being as handy as an AA meeting might be.
If you're really worried about people knowing - and you're not convinced about the anonymous aspect - could you travel to the next town or something?
There are online meetings too.
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
You have to get through the initial detox fully.
Once you a truly physically clean, you can start to deal w the mental issues.
They are not as difficult as the physical, but they last longer.
Having the knowledge that you are physically clean is motivation to not poison yourself again.
In my experience, the mental anguish was motivation as well. I know that if I relapse I'll slow down my normalization.
From now on, I really want to be dealing w life w a clean mind. One that sees the world w out any distortion or hyper awareness.
Thanks for the post.
Once you a truly physically clean, you can start to deal w the mental issues.
They are not as difficult as the physical, but they last longer.
Having the knowledge that you are physically clean is motivation to not poison yourself again.
In my experience, the mental anguish was motivation as well. I know that if I relapse I'll slow down my normalization.
From now on, I really want to be dealing w life w a clean mind. One that sees the world w out any distortion or hyper awareness.
Thanks for the post.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
SR since I found it has done wonders for my sobriety the mods here are top notch and really helpful it's a truly awesome community & it is anonymous
My advice is consider grief counseling as part of a sobriety plan I'm sorry for your losses
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
My advice is consider grief counseling as part of a sobriety plan I'm sorry for your losses
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
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