imready32

What do you tell friends/family who don't know the extent of how bad your drinking has become?
I've been trying to stop for years, but always get peer pressured into having a drink when meeting up with friends.. Its ok for them they will only drink when we meet up, not realising that I've drank a bottle of wine every night of the week prior to our meeting up
I've got a hen party in 2 weeks and already thinking about the stress I will get from everyone telling me "it's a hen-do you have to drink!" Or "don't be boring"
Any advice ?
Thanks xx

Fabela

"I have an alcohol problem, so I choose not to drink." And if they pesture you, say no. Simple as that.

Jtmlk

In high pressure situations I tell people the doctor has given me some different meds and told me I would likely be sick if I drink, a couple of close friends I tell I have an alcohol problem.
Your post made me think a lot. Why do we feel we need to lie about our alcoholism, surely we are the ones with the courage to do something about it and say no to alcohol.

imready32

It's stupid really to feel pressured by friends at 34! I suppose in the past I haven't been strong enough and crumbled at the first bit encouragement 😃

Dee74

If your friends are pressuring you to drink it might be a good idea to take yourself out of those situations, at least for a while?

As for what to say, I used to have huge essays prepared, but now 'no thanks' seems to do the trick...honestly

D

illi1111

I don't know how far along you are with your sobriety, but if you don't think you will be able to not drink it maybe safer to stay home. I like to tell people I'm the designated driver. They usually ask who I'm driving and I reply " My self." It's good for a laugh and it's usually the end of it. Those closest to me know why I quit drinking and don't feel I need to give most people an explanation. I think it's easier to keep the situation light in social settings like these. People can get really noisy and I try not to give them an opportunity. And always remember no one can make the choice to drink but you!

Melina

I say no thanks, and if someone doesn't stop asking I've said it absolutely tears up my stomach and makes me sick, even with one drink!

That is completely the truth, you know

I say it in a friendly manner and ask for sparkling water right away. Sometimes I'll take anything nonalcoholic I see whether I want it or not just to end that part of the conversation.

Hope this helps!

Zufrieden

Imready
The peer pressure concept is one I used as one of the many reasons that quitting drinking was more complicated than it seemed.
It's not really all that valid though. Most folks will pressure you in fun and then press on with their drinking regardless of what you do.
I've found myself to be a much better person socially now that I'm sober. You can be the life of the whole party if you choose to with no alcohol involved.
Real friends will honor whatever reason you give if it seems that you really don't want to drink at that party. I'm dieting, I'm taking a break, I'm making sure I can go without, I'm worried I may drink too much, I'm an alcoholic .... Most anything will do gor starters.
I didn't drink at my last six monthly poker games with old friends and we surprised that nobody noticed at all.
I think this reason is often overblown.
I wish you the best.
Jonathan

Dee74

imready, you had 2 identical threads so I merged them

D

waterlogged

If you think that you may end up drinking simply just donot go
I have been sober 10 months now & still not been out socially
I just dont think i am ready yet. If they are true friends they will understand

least

How about just, No thanks, I don't drink anymore. And if they're nosey and ask why, just say you've had enough for your lifetime already and would like to live a long healthy life.

tomsteve

"Any advice ?"

dont go. your sobriety is way more important than the occasion.

for me hanging around wet places and wet faces would have been playing russian roulette.

it would be like asking God to lead me from temptation then walking straight into it.


do you want to get and stay sober?

IvanMike

don't go


"I don't drink/use" usually works.

There's no need to tell people the depths of despair and depravity that we went to. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel the need to tell them that in order to stop them from offering you a drink or something else, I've got news for you - you're in the wrong place.

blueberry2015

Well you can be honest and say "Im in recovery" but that will prob prompt a load of questions you don't feel ready to answer.

Or you can say that for health reasons you've decided to quit

Or you can say that your on antibiotics, just to get you through that evening.

Make sure you have a plan tho, if you feel uncomfortable then make an exit, say you don't feel well make your apologies and leave. Don't be the designated driver for anyone but yourself that way you wont be letting anyone down if you leave early and they stuck without a lift, or that you feel you cant leave.

Keep your sobriety safe at all times x x x x

Boxer1

Great thread ImReady!

FLCamper

I enjoy socializing so the first few times I knew I'd be out to dinner or even in a bar like atmosphere, I made sure I had my daughter with me. That was enough to keep me sober - I looked at it as a challenge and I knew I'd win. After I'd gotten a little used to being in that situation, i was OK going to dinner with friends - all of them order a glass of wine and I'm good with water.
My friends, though, were never drinking buddies. So, there is no change in my behavior as far as they know.
I agree with some of the other comments; if you don't think you can stay sober, don't throw away all your hard work. Skip the event - there will be others.

greens

When I used to say " I don't drink" it prompted a lot of questions and peer pressure. When I changed it to "I don't feel like drinking tonight, thanks" and then change the subject people are much more understanding and leave it alone. My close friends know why I don't drink but I dont bring it up with acquaintances. If you want you can use a million different excuses (medication, health, whatever) but the most important thing for me was being firm and direct. Its weird how much people care about what others do with their lives.

Jim1958

I say the doctor says drinking is bad for my blood pressure. Its true, and ends the topic. Nobody has to know about your problem if you don't want to tell them.

TexasWoman123

I tell almost everyone I am friends with that I'm an alcoholic. I have 118 days sober today. I don't tell anyone from work, as I know that would be a mistake for me professionally, but I also do not socialize with anyone from work at all. I found I have a huge amount of support from friends and family. Nobody really even cares. The only person I have lost getting sober was my alcoholic exbf. He was my drinking buddy and broke up with me about 40 days into sobriety. Good riddance to him. People that don't have a problem with drinking don't care or are really supportive, I've found.

I was embarrassed at first, but I am proud of myself now.

TW

Anna

I say 'No, thanks' and end it at that. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I drink or not.

I would agree with Dee about attending a party you are already stressing about. It took me 10 months to feel comfortable enough to be around people who were drinking. If you are concerned, don't go. Make yourself a priority in your life.