Time2Rise

So I've made it 43 days sober; however, I find myself desiring an evening out drinking (I never drink alone, so my drinking thoughts always involve going out).

Now, this desire does not seem to be the same as craving. Rather it's similar to sexual desire; that is, when experiencing sexual urges, I understand, accept and can deal with not having sex right at that moment, or even in the near future; however, I look forward to having sex, and I know I'll eventually have sex.

My drinking desire is similar. I won't drink today, or probably not tomorrow, and I have no real issue with keeping the urges at bay--for now. But my mind keeps "fantasizing" about alcohol, drinking and the drinking lifestyle. And as long as I have this desire and these fantasies, I know I will eventually cave in and drink.

BTW, these desires don't seem to decrease with time; in 2013, I had almost six months sober, and I still had frequent fantasies about spending a drinking weekend out on the town.

Can anyone relate to this "desire" vs. "craving" issue?

Dee74

It's not very scientific but I just called those 'mental cravings' as opposed to physical ones

They faded for me, eventually - took longer than 3 months...tho I can't put a date on it...but I don't desire any kind of drinking situation anymore, not for years

D

Lance40

I can relate with this. The important thing to remember is that it's not possible to drink in the future. Any time you raise a glass to your mouth will be today, so the most important thing is not to drink today. That's not to say that these feelings of desire can be dismissed, but even in the face of desire, drinking has to be taken off the table as an option. When I lived in that my sobriety was successful, but when I opened the door to the idea it wasn't long before I drank again.

SoberinSyracuse

Most definitely. They stuck around as long as I entertained them. They only went away when I'd made my mind up that I was done drinking forever.

It's like that pesky guy a lady doesn't really want to date, but he doesn't understand "I'm busy now through the foreseeable future," or "I'm not ready to date yet." Instead of hearing "No," he hears "Not now, but maybe next week."

You gotta say "No. Not now. Not ever." And hang up the phone. Do that a couple of times and he'll eventually stop calling.

That's exactly how you have to treat the A/V trying to negotiate a future drinking date with you.

silentrun

I can relate. The cravings came at me hard and felt like a need. desires are just thoughts and can easily be dismissed. You are probably starting to uncouple from the psychological need to drink and it's getting a serious downgrade to want. You probably will still get cravings once in a while but the more of those you can deal with the more they start to fade and eventually become "what the hell was I thinking?"

Time2Rise

I need to get back to working on and developing what I call my "higher self." My Buddhist studies and mindful meditation have been my main tools for training my mind to focus on the truly worthwhile and valuable things in life.

When I let myself lapse into thinking about short term gratifications, I am in danger. I know that from my past attempts at sobriety. I've let my Buddhist studies and meditation fall to the side, but I can see that I have to make both a priority in my life. When I'm fully engaged in both, I am much more serene, peaceful and much less prone to romanticize and desire drinking and the drinking lifestyle.

Time2Rise

I've been using AVRT to keep myself from caving in; however, from my past experience with the Rational Recovery method, I know I have to work on the "I" part of my brain in order to keep "it" (my AV) more easily at bay.

I know this practice doesn't quite fit RR doctrine, but recognizing my AV all day long can be fatiguing and tiresome. I need to get to the point where my AV is barely (if at all) functioning and speaking to me. Working on and developing the "I" part of the equation is IMO a good way to achieve that goal.

SoberinSyracuse

Absolutely. Go to your faith. You can never go wrong by going to your faith.

Delilah1

I definitely "romanticized," wine. I never really had the physical need/craving for alcohol, it was more my stress relief at the end of the day. I needed to find a new stress reliever.

FormerWineGirl

I had to resign myself to the fact that I would never, ever be a normal drinker. I had to totally and completely take drinking off the table.

Closing the door to even entertaining the possibility has helped me. Even when random drinking thoughts pop into my head, I know it's never an option.

Soberwolf

Totally agree with D here

Time2Rise

I'm feeling more rational and committed today. Thank you all for your thoughtful comments.

thelatheguy

Yes I catch myself "romancing" the high. Once I realise what's happening I start to think about all of the destruction and problems it has caused in my life. I "play the tape" right to the end and it goes away. I hope this helps you. Peace. ...out