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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Yeah, I get your point. I guess for me, I think I need a change of scenery. It was never my plan to live in NYC forever and not have a car or easy access to the outdoors.
With that said, I developed a problem with alcohol in high school, carried it through college, and then into my adult life here in New York. So yes, just moving won't make it so that I don't have cravings or end up in social settings where others are drinking.
I know that in the last year, I've had a ton more success than the first 7 years I lived here. 100% sobriety was the goal, and that didn't happen, but it was a lot of progress.
Today is absolutely hell mentally and I feel like I'm close to crying since I'm so upset with my poor decision making and fearful of going to work tomorrow.
With that said, I developed a problem with alcohol in high school, carried it through college, and then into my adult life here in New York. So yes, just moving won't make it so that I don't have cravings or end up in social settings where others are drinking.
I know that in the last year, I've had a ton more success than the first 7 years I lived here. 100% sobriety was the goal, and that didn't happen, but it was a lot of progress.
Today is absolutely hell mentally and I feel like I'm close to crying since I'm so upset with my poor decision making and fearful of going to work tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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So today was fine. My boss was out sick, but did email me during the day asking to take care of some very normal requests. Any anger over Friday didn't seem apparent, but obviously meeting face to face will figure that out for sure.
My co-worker that had texted Friday to ask if I'd gotten home was at work today and he told me that he'd been with me all night, and that I seemed totally fine and having fun until I suddenly had a blank stare. He said he helped me to a cab, and that he really doesn't think I said anything stupid, just that I looked "super wasted." Obviously that's the not kind of feedback I want, but it does lead me to believe that I haven't jeopardized my career.
Again, I still don't know for certain if my boss came away with the same view (or even saw me when I was that drunk), but apparently I was not causing a scene and saying obnoxious things.
So, Day 2 is closing out and I'm feeling like I played with fire and luckily didn't get burned. I need to stop playing with fire forever. I will get burned. The last 48 hours were a nightmare and the previous year was just so much better.
Tomorrow will be Day 3 and I want to get to the gym before work. I just got home from work now and it's 10:45PM, but I know that I'll feel mentally better if I do the gym.
Thanks for all of the support everyone!
My co-worker that had texted Friday to ask if I'd gotten home was at work today and he told me that he'd been with me all night, and that I seemed totally fine and having fun until I suddenly had a blank stare. He said he helped me to a cab, and that he really doesn't think I said anything stupid, just that I looked "super wasted." Obviously that's the not kind of feedback I want, but it does lead me to believe that I haven't jeopardized my career.
Again, I still don't know for certain if my boss came away with the same view (or even saw me when I was that drunk), but apparently I was not causing a scene and saying obnoxious things.
So, Day 2 is closing out and I'm feeling like I played with fire and luckily didn't get burned. I need to stop playing with fire forever. I will get burned. The last 48 hours were a nightmare and the previous year was just so much better.
Tomorrow will be Day 3 and I want to get to the gym before work. I just got home from work now and it's 10:45PM, but I know that I'll feel mentally better if I do the gym.
Thanks for all of the support everyone!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I'm glad today was OK for you Mets.
I posted in your home thread and I said basically what Courage did. I think it's really good advice.
D
I posted in your home thread and I said basically what Courage did. I think it's really good advice.
I think it's time you admitted that the actions and tools you've acquired so far -- this site, your therapist -- have been helpful, but haven't been enough.
Hold on to what's helped so far, but you need more tools. Asking the support of your family is a good idea. Finding a community of people who share your problem with alcohol might help as well.
In the end, all's I'm saying: I had to do things and ask for help in ways that took me way out of my comfort zone. But because I've asked, I've found help over and over that I never would have believed was possible.
Good luck to you, from NYC.
Hold on to what's helped so far, but you need more tools. Asking the support of your family is a good idea. Finding a community of people who share your problem with alcohol might help as well.
In the end, all's I'm saying: I had to do things and ask for help in ways that took me way out of my comfort zone. But because I've asked, I've found help over and over that I never would have believed was possible.
Good luck to you, from NYC.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Now that the panic had subsided a bit, I'm thinking about telling my family first, then seeking out some type of support group.
I'll be home for Easter this weekend (I'm agnostic, as is my immediate family, but we get together anyway) and then the following weekend I am planning on doing the same for my parents anniversary.
I feel like I've come decently close to telling them in the recent past, but never been able to just come clean. The timing always seems wrong and I back out.
As far as group support, I do feel as though it will help. I know there are plenty of agnostic AA groups in NYC and despite my busy work schedule combined with getting my masters, there are times that work for me. I'm incredibly nervous about seeing somebody I know, but realize that's pretty foolish as I'd be seeing them there too.
I'll be home for Easter this weekend (I'm agnostic, as is my immediate family, but we get together anyway) and then the following weekend I am planning on doing the same for my parents anniversary.
I feel like I've come decently close to telling them in the recent past, but never been able to just come clean. The timing always seems wrong and I back out.
As far as group support, I do feel as though it will help. I know there are plenty of agnostic AA groups in NYC and despite my busy work schedule combined with getting my masters, there are times that work for me. I'm incredibly nervous about seeing somebody I know, but realize that's pretty foolish as I'd be seeing them there too.
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I should add that it was last February through maybe May that I considered telling them. As I built up more and more sober time, it just seemed like I no longer had to say anything. My brother's wedding was back in October, and in the last year, that would have been the only time my family saw me drink, so I think they've certainly noticed I massively cut back. On vacations, it's common for me to be the DD (nobody in my family drinks much, but it makes it easier for them to not worry about having maybe that third glass, since I'm totally sober)
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Glad things went okay at work today. I have been on and off SR with stretches of sobriety for the past few years. I decided on NYE that 2016 would be a sober year for me, today is Day 81, and it is nice waking up with a clear head each day.
I agree about geography. I lived in NY for the first 28 years of my life and when I moved to California my alcohol habits didn't change. Sounds like the gym is a good outlet for you.
Looking forward to hearing how you are doing.
❤️ Delilah
I agree about geography. I lived in NY for the first 28 years of my life and when I moved to California my alcohol habits didn't change. Sounds like the gym is a good outlet for you.
Looking forward to hearing how you are doing.
❤️ Delilah
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Thanks Delilah. It's been a much more pleasant morning than Saturday/Sunday/Monday were. I went for a brief jog to get some fresh air and have spent time on here reading.
Heading off to work now. My boss is out sick again and texted our whole team that we could work from home if we felt threatened to ride the subway given the terrorist attacks in Brussles this AM. I'll be going in, but a bit worried that I still have to wait for the one-on-one meeting.
Heading off to work now. My boss is out sick again and texted our whole team that we could work from home if we felt threatened to ride the subway given the terrorist attacks in Brussles this AM. I'll be going in, but a bit worried that I still have to wait for the one-on-one meeting.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Boston, MA
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Popping in from the Class of February 2015 to add my support to Mets...and to agree that some face to face support would do you worlds of good. The likelihood that you'll see anyone you know is so low - I always dreaded that especially when I was going to meetings next door to my workplace (you'd think, but no). And you're a very social person - you may very well find that it will help the loneliness too - and you don't have to commit to a lifetime, just go to a couple, for me it helps get over the hurdle of initial sobriety.
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Today was a good day at work. My boss is down with bronchitis, so it does seem as though that face to face meeting will be several days off. There's been plenty of online interaction and it seems to be business as usual, so I'm increasingly relieved.
With that said, I'm trying not to lose sight of what happened. Right now, it's quite easy to be on guard given the recency, but I know I need to remain vigilant and do a better job of making sure this doesn't happen again.
I was reflecting a bit about this event vs my hospitalization last February and one thing I noticed is that last February, the hospitalization happened after a culmination of binges and other nonsense. The mental anguish after that was brutal for a very long period of time. After this relapse, I'm thankful that I came here and had this support and am not reeling for that long. It's just pretty frightening how insidious alcoholism is and how it's not something that can just be kicked.
With that said, I'm trying not to lose sight of what happened. Right now, it's quite easy to be on guard given the recency, but I know I need to remain vigilant and do a better job of making sure this doesn't happen again.
I was reflecting a bit about this event vs my hospitalization last February and one thing I noticed is that last February, the hospitalization happened after a culmination of binges and other nonsense. The mental anguish after that was brutal for a very long period of time. After this relapse, I'm thankful that I came here and had this support and am not reeling for that long. It's just pretty frightening how insidious alcoholism is and how it's not something that can just be kicked.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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I don't want to be that guy that always bumps his own threads, but I'm finishing up Day 4 here.
Had a very busy day at work, and took in a huge new client that I'd set up before my relapse and fortunately didn't show up on Friday.
I'm still worried about the conversation when my boss comes back about my drunk episode at work, but I'm relieved that I closed on this deal and can show a success story if thing go sour.
Also, I met with my therapist today and he recommended a secular meeting that meets on Monday nights. That fits my schedule and I'm currently planning to go. With that said, I'm terrified of seeing someone I know there. I realize that makes no sense since that person would be at the same meeting as me, but that's the junk my AV throws at me I suppose.
I'm off to bed now.
Tomorrow night my favorite basketball team plays Oregon in the Sweet 16 and baseball Opening Day is soon, so I'm feeling upbeat about having post-work activities that I can watch.
Had a very busy day at work, and took in a huge new client that I'd set up before my relapse and fortunately didn't show up on Friday.
I'm still worried about the conversation when my boss comes back about my drunk episode at work, but I'm relieved that I closed on this deal and can show a success story if thing go sour.
Also, I met with my therapist today and he recommended a secular meeting that meets on Monday nights. That fits my schedule and I'm currently planning to go. With that said, I'm terrified of seeing someone I know there. I realize that makes no sense since that person would be at the same meeting as me, but that's the junk my AV throws at me I suppose.
I'm off to bed now.
Tomorrow night my favorite basketball team plays Oregon in the Sweet 16 and baseball Opening Day is soon, so I'm feeling upbeat about having post-work activities that I can watch.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Originally Posted by nymets86 
I don't want to be that guy that always bumps his own threads, but I'm finishing up Day 4 here.
There's actually nothing wrong with that - its the way forums are meant to work
Congrats on day 4...do you have a recovery plan worked out for the weekend?
D
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I'm going to my brother and sister-in-law's house this weekend. I'm agnostic, but will still eat Easter candy.
They have a dog that brings a smile to my face. He was given a terminal prognosis as a puppy, but my brother brought him to about 20 vets and one found a temporary cure. He's now over 3 years old and my brother hasn't spent any money on door locks, so at 4AM, that dog will jump on my face after nosing open the door.
After how horrible last weekend went, I'm looking forward to the dog-treatment in the morning. Last time he broke my glasses, but that's much easier to repair than my reputation.
They have a dog that brings a smile to my face. He was given a terminal prognosis as a puppy, but my brother brought him to about 20 vets and one found a temporary cure. He's now over 3 years old and my brother hasn't spent any money on door locks, so at 4AM, that dog will jump on my face after nosing open the door.
After how horrible last weekend went, I'm looking forward to the dog-treatment in the morning. Last time he broke my glasses, but that's much easier to repair than my reputation.
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