KiKi0615

Yep! I agree! ^^^

SweatyHands

For me, I think it was simply that I wasn't ready to be sober yet. I went almost 3 1/2 years without a drink and then had a six month long series of relapses. When I quit four yeas ago, I went in to detox because I was near death. When I kept trying to get sober over the last few months, it was because it was I thought I should do. After my last relapse, I was alone, sweating and shaking in my bed having put nothing into my body but vodka for three days. I looked at where I was, and for the first time, wanted sobriety more than I wanted another drink. I still have a lot of work to do to look at my history with alcohol and drugs, but right now the best answer I have for why I relapsed was that I wasn't done. My previous rock bottom was still two floors up from the bottom.

miamifella

Thank you.

I would never thought of listing people who could take over for me. That part of planning scares me...but I guess it has to be part of it.

BarbieKen

As one who follows AA, I also believe that we relapse mentally before we ever take that drink . Becoming disconnected and thinking you "got this" or that you don't need to go to meetings. Or in our case here, not checking in daily. I'm one who needs to be around a structured program. But, of course that's me, IDK what works for each individual.

When I am of service to others and have commitments that keeps me connected. My Sponsor, doing my honest best in my daily step work...and my belief in a power greater than myself keeps me today from "going out".
Bobbi

sleepie

Insomnia. This was huge for me when I read about how people often return to drinking because of the insomnia. After I learned this is something that happens to others too, and is common, even- for some reason that made it easier not to return to drinking despite many, many, maaaany sleepless nights. And still counting.

Sleepless but sober though.

least

For me, I relapsed cause I just wasn't ready to be sober for good. I still wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober, and drinking won, every time.

But now I want to be sober much more than I want to drink, and I've been sober now over six years.

Nonsensical

Ego.

Defeating my addiction by not drinking wasn't good enough. I wanted to master my addiction by being able to drink again on MY terms.

That's just my addiction manipulating me. Convincing me I can be a fierce and worthy competitor to its relentless will. In reality it just had me doing its bidding, like a slave.

Marcher13

For me it took two forms.

Although I never had an eating disorder I would keep myself a tad hungry to get "the buzz". I would avoid eating enough to fully satisfy what my system wanted, it was much harder to get the buzz when I had a full stomach.

The other thing I did was much like Nons above, I'd determine what I was going to drink so that I'd be firmly in control.

Oh yeah.

chickippo

complacency, ego, and the i-want stamping of my toddler brain...

i'm coming up on 2 years now - for me i always thought the booze made my anxiety easier to cope with. i've had to put that firmly from my mind. it's been really tough at time actually feeling my feelings, but if i drink it's all gone anyway.

i also felt for a good while that i was missing out on all those fabulous, glittering evenings with friends. then, i went on a night out and lost the plot completely. did drugs (no idea what!), upset people and still have no idea what really happened. i see Facebook posts now from friends who i know are problem drinkers and oh, it looks so tawdry now. it's all a lie.

once i realised that booze would actually kill me if i didn't stop, it became easier. and being sober DOES get easier, i promise. otherwise, i'd be in a gutter somewhere telling myself it was all too hard.

Soberwolf

Biggest cause of relapse has either got to be non acceptance of the facts & not reaching out

OpenTuning

Something I've seen a lot in terms of relapsing rather than trying to get sober in the first place, is that people forget how bad it was.

The classic is someone comes on here in despair. They've hit what they feel is rock bottom. They're hung over, ashamed. Make firm commitments that they'll never drink again. And keep it going for a while, talking about how great it feels. Almost evangelical about the benefits of sobriety. They get clean, bodies get back to health, relationships start to be repaired. The pain and shame and anguish are gradually overcome and left behind. Life is good.

So good, that they forget how bad it was. They see all the ads on TV of people enjoying that single glass of wine as the sun goes down over the mountains. Or that one bottle of beer with friends around the BBQ by a lake. They think "yeah, I'm in a good place now. I can drink like that. I'm strong. I've just proven I can control my drinking. I haven't had a drink in X months which proves I have will power." So they crack that beer open, or pull that cork.

And keep drinking until the next, inevitable, rock bottom. And repeat the cycle over, and over again.

That's why so many people talk about playing the tape through. And talk about identifying your Addictive Voice, which will use any excuse it can think of to get you drinking again. That's why you need plans in place to help you ignore that voice that says "I can drink moderately now". Read books like Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking to build up ammunition against those voices.

I'm sure there are lots of other reasons people relapse, but I've seen the one above happen too many times. For me, I'm a week away from 10 months and that's the one I still get now and then. A voice saying "why are you doing this? You're not an alcoholic. If you were, you wouldn't have been able to quit 10 months ago. Why not have a glass of wine at dinner, or a pint with friends?"

My answer to that? I don't want a glass of wine, or one pint. If that's all I wanted I wouldn't have needed to quit. I would want many more glasses of wine, or many, many more pints than that. Because that's how my brain works.

tomsteve

lack of patience.
resentment
pride
ego
self pity
still going to wet places
still hanging around wet faces
no changes
resting on laurels
excuses

not taking the advise of those who have been there.


are a few things that have lead to a relapse ending with a drink.


theres a search function on this site. using it found me many,many more.

freestylebob

Bingo, that's the right answer,

Bunny211

I don't know that I really ever relapsed. I was NOT convinced I could never drink again. I never did ANY of the 12 steps. I quit for a while then figured I was fine and drank again. Not having a plan was a factor too. I came out of detox and was at home along in my apartment and I wound up drinking - that happened twice.

Once I finally accepted that I COULD NOT drink and was willing to do anything to stay sober....I've stayed sober.

Now, I think what would lead me to relapse is:
1. Anxiety/Nerves/Depression - Which usually crop up when I am NOT working my program the way I should be!
2. Not talking about having urges to drink - not asking for help.

Earlier this week I was really craving a drink and I thought I was doing something wrong. I was ashamed. I want to look GOOD. I want people in my home group to see me doing the right things and succeeding in sobriety. I was ashamed that I wanted to drink. I thought people would judge me. I was scared I hadn't mastered step 1 and would have to start all over again. Finally, when I thought, I gotta talk to someone or I am going to drink, I picked up the phone and cried to a woman from my home group. She assured me that my wanting to drink would come and go throughout sobriety...I'm an alcoholic so OF COURSE there will be times when I want to drink. I felt so much better.

It really is true...you can't save your face and your @ss at the same time! Do whatever it takes to save your @ss from that first sucker drink!

SoberinSyracuse

I agree with Madbird: Mental hygiene is important.

My relapses started with one of two things (both easily avoided through proper mental hygiene):

1. "It's been a few weeks. I can have a drink or two."
2. "OMG. I'll never be well anyway, and my life will be nothing but longing and craving, so why not go ahead and drink?"

strategery

One of the things I've observed, is some people have an all or none mentality. My diet has to change, I have to quit smoking, I have to do this, that and the other, in addition to quitting drinking. They task themselves with so much, that going back to drinking is a more attractive option. I think it's important to be gentle with yourself in early sobriety and that if you're going to give up drinking, the focus should be on that. Other changes can be incorporated, but you can do so as you get more sober time underneath your belt.

Many people also do not want to commit themselves to doing what is best for their sobriety, whether it is avoiding bars, going to events that could trigger drinking, or even just going to family events. Getting sober takes fundamental change and putting your sobriety at the forefront of your life for probably the first 6 months to a year.

I think another aspect is that with sobriety, you have to allow yourself to be sometimes extremely uncomfortable, sometimes for weeks or months, but keep the faith that it will get better, which can be hard. It gets better with time, but I can still remember asking myself at different periods if what I was experiencing, was the best life was going to get for me. It did, but when you're asking yourself these questions at 6 or even 9 months in, it can be disheartening. It does get better, but you have to be able to ride out the super tough times and have strategies to not allow yourself to go back.

Venecia

First, thank you, Kiki. You raised good questions and many of the responses have been some of the best SR has to offer. As always, Dee's wisdom shines, as does that of fellow journeyers. A few thoughts ...

Bunny hit the nail on the head. One of the things that veterans of sobriety taught me when I joined SR is that relapses don't occur instantaneously. Instead, they are the culmination when the door has never been firmly closed.

And kudos, Open Tuning. One of the reasons I think it's essential to get help -- be it treatment, AA or other methods, a commitment to SR -- is that the day will come when our minds tell us that we must not have been that bad so the green light goes on. Forgetting how bad it was makes it all the easier to give in.

As others have noted, not making changes early on also increases vulnerability. Deciding at the onset of quitting that we cannot go on the way we once did makes a huge difference. Stay the heck out of bars. That constant exposure to drinking chips away at our resolve at the very time we need it most.

Yeah, getting sober is heavy lifting. I remember that my sleep was all whack, my emotions were all whack and my eating was all whack. That's what SR is here for -- to give us tools to deal with temporary (and they are temporary) unpleasantries of the early phase. And to help me remember that the alternative was so much worse. As Open Tuning reminds, play the tape through.

Finally, I'm going to add one thing that is very personal, but very important, I think. We have conversations here on SR from time to time about how we refer to ourselves. Sometimes, folks say "I refuse to label myself as an alcoholic." Well, okay. But for me, not admitting that I was an alcoholic -- and using that word -- kept me whitewashing the truth for years.

Acknowledging it was humbling and painful. And it made it easier to close the door firmly and with finality. I remain active on SR to keep it that way.

Anna

For me, it was not being able to forgive myself for mistakes I'd made which caused me to be discouraged and depressed. I had to get beyond that.

sugarbear1

I drank to feel comfortable in my own skin. I worked the 12 steps and have been comfortable in my own skin for almost 5 years now. A slip isn't an option today.

GnikNus

Not having truly reached the point of wanting to be done with drinking.